The college rap sheet of Cdawg:
09-10 18:29:Welcome to Chris's Journal
I assume that the four or so people who are on this list will be OK
with knowing how I spend my time at ND. Many thanks to RN for setting
this up. I will do my best to live up to his high journal standards.
Imitation is the highest form of flattery.
I will scribble in here about once a day or so. More later. I have to
run and finish some notes before Theo class.
C!
09-11 00:09:Today actually made a decent attempt to study. I went to 208 Cushing, the hollo
wed fighting ground where great battles such as sig sys, comp arch, and other fo
es were tackled by Perk, RN, Eric, George, and myself. Despite my four hours be
ing there (actually, more like 6) all that was accomplished was a little bit of
reviewing, an emag problem, and some recopying of notes which still must be done.
It didn't help that Perk and RN decided to attack me with some floppies while I
was studying, launching them at me. I retaliated by throwing salt at them. Yes,
I "A-salt-ed" them. Gotta love those puns.
Then off to World Religions, that lovely 2.5 hour long class that only meets on
Sundays! I think we finished off our study of Hinduism and will start Budaism
next time. Mass was nice tonight with our dorm going over to our sister dorm,
McGlenn hall. Well, now I must work a little then get up at 6:15AM so I can go
workout with Eric Blair (aka The Navys next high commanding officer!).
Until later
C!
PS Yes, there are probably some formatting errors I will have to work on.
09-12 01:23:Holy Cow...
If I had to guess how many stars today was in the horoscope, it would be six! I
t started with workout with Eric at 6:30AM. We truly were among champions.
The football team I walked passed as they entered the stadium, athletes past
and present were around us at sports rec, and the swim team laped us (many
times!) at the pool. At breakfast I learned that Father Hesberg had been
given the chance to be a cardinal but found being at ND more fun! What an
amazing man. Off to errands and then class. Afterwards I asked prof Bauer to
do a recommendation for me. He was happy to (total now at three profs) and
took an active interest in wanting to talk to me about schools to apply too.
Who knows, Cal Tech and Georgia Tech could be in the mix now. This was later
in the day confirmed by Chris, a fifth year Grad student. As long as I have the
fellowship, even GEM, getting in gets easier as the school says "He has money?
Let him in."
Then Emag hashing with the prof before Emag (Emag = Electromagnetism I class) be
fore Emag recitation. I was forced to work a problem on the board. It was a
lot like being at a carnival and doing tricks for people except the audience
not only laughs at you but asks you questions. I was told I did well though.
Afterwards, now 5PM, grabbed a poptart and worked on Emag studying for a test to
morrow (Yes, Emag is being a pain in the butt right now). Had some good discuss
ion with Eric about Emag and other things throughout the night. Such as how Per
k, RN, and George have adopted a "All Bets are Off" moto. They have a lot of
fun as of late while I am still working all the time and am still behind. Eric
said he admired the things I was trying to do and that it really is not my
nature to "Not Care," because I care to much about anything. If only there were
more people like Eric in the world. He also said he wished he could be as
organized as me. Funny, I thought he was more so. We then came to the
conclusion that:
Eric+Chris = Perfection
Everything else can be derived from that. We had a few good jokes, I had
meetings at 7PM and 10PM to go to that ate up time, but I am now ready to go
to bed and tackle my first test tomorrow. Sorry this was so long. It really
has been a long day.
C!
Quotes for today:
*Abe on a problem that stumped us all in emag about fields to me:
"Being from Texas [Chris], you should know about fields!"
*Eric on the two different types of dot products:
"They are like avatars (incarnations) of Hindu Gods. Different but from the
same source!"
09-12 12:54:Test 1 Complete
Had my first test. Not to bad although I am worried that I was done
long before anyone else. I finished in 35 minutes, checked my
problems, and even did the extra noncredit problem the teacher put at
the end. It was funny because it implied that the departments Quantum
dots can act about 10^6 times faster than a Pentium III chip. Once I
had done all this it was an hour into the test(of an hour 15 min
test), and I left. I am usually not the first to finish the test. I
must say though, the reason I have learned to do well on tests now
compared to when I didn't freshman year is because I have figured out what to
expect on a test. This is done by some sort of combination of past
tests, asking upperclassman about their experiences, knowing the
teacher, knowing the material, realizing what a sane person would put
on a test, making sure homework is completely correct so that it
becomes my study guide, and the grace of God. Another funny thing is
while I take tests music is usually playing in my head. Today it was
a concerto by Motzart I believe.
Senior design was interesting this morning. My groups part of the
project is to make a transformer that will have half of it on a device
and the other half on a fabricated device on a piece of silicon. We
discussed with the teacher some of the things we should look into and
then afterwards spent time with one of his students doing research.
The students name is Greg, a junior in my Emag class (the world seems
to come full circle through this Emag class for me). We played with
some really cool software that can model any kind of transformer you
can build, in theory :).
Time to copy notes and make silly phone calls. To those who are new
on this list, see the link below to see the last two journals from
where I have started.
C!
09-13 11:31:Grrr...
OIT is so annoying. They can't even keep a mail server up. It took
them more than half a day to fix it. It is amazing how much email is
a neccesity as a phone these days.
I have received roughly 10 calls for tickets now. Note to people in
the future trying to get football tickets: Place an ad in the
Observer.
Had to make a command decision yesterday. After talking to the
Fencing coach, he bascially said I'm screwed as far as practicing with
the team. My thoughts then were to drop TAing and go back to
Fencing. After talking to Eric he once again reminded me of what a
great thing I am doing. So after much debating I have deciced to do
BOTH! I will do the best I can and as soon as things startingh
becoming too much I will have to drop fencing and come back next
semester.
Went and worked out this morning by myself at 6:30AM. Eric was sick.
After working out I decided to wander into the Fencing gym. Coach was
there and he said if I wanted to do footwork in the morning that I
could. So, I guess the plan for Fencing is working out MWF morning,
followed by something like running or swimming and then footwork. I
will try and make Fencing practice once between M-Th, and go on
Fridays. Then workout once on the weekend.
A thought yesterday is "What am I paying for at school?" It is so
expensive. I thouhgt this place could live off the endowment by now.
But then I started rationalizing it qualitatively. I am paying to be
able to walk around campus every day and stare up at that beautiful
gold dome. I am paying for evening Sunday masses. I am paying for
friendships such as with Eric, Perk, George, RN, and others. I am paying
for the chance to be an athlete on the Fencing team. I am paying for
one hell of an education. I am paying to have a different frame of
mind. I am paying for some very good connections. I guess $30,000
isn't so bad when some of the stuff is considered "priceless."
C!
09-14 18:51:
Sigh...
4PM 9-14-00:
Yesterday was the first team meeting for fencing. Nice to see some old faces.
I soaked in the energy of the place that I had not been to in 9 months. I
remembered why I had decided to walk on and stay with it even when I knew I
might never get to Fence: It was FUN. I loved being on the team and had
almost forgotten that in my nine month absence.
The meeting was a bore. Fill out paper work, listen to compliance and
grades speeches, the coach says we might beat out Penn State for the national
championship again :).
I left early to go to dinner and then work at the Learning Center for EG111.
Immediately after work I went to "Second City," comedy skits by a group of
actors and actresses of whom many have gone on to Saturday Night live. Some
good stuff. I had not seen improv before and it was amusing. Back to
Control Systems that night and then bed.
When I went to design today I realized that I had not done any reading along
with the rest of the people in the class and that it was becoming imperative
to start doing so. Emag class our teacher gave us a double wammie of an
assignment. I was ticked. The class is getting on my nerves more and more.
I then went to the GEM luncheon. GEM is the fellowship that I have one and
this was an all day meeting for the executive board to hash things out. I
arrived wet from the rain and in shorts due to all the class stuff that would
happen today. Everyone else was in suits so I felt a little bad. I got to
talk to a TI rep. and saw the CEO of Dupont. I got a free shirt :).
Then I had microwave class and labs and realized that I was so confused in the
class too. Sure, most people were, but they had a better idea than me since
I was the only one who has not taken Emag II. I new what I had to do. Being
behind in two classes is now grounds to drop something as the work load is
getting worse instead of better. I drew the line at TAing because I can try
to do it next semester and Fencing is actually much more forgiving about if
I have work to do than TAing would be. I told Natalie today and she is
looking for a replacement. I will still work for the learning center as a
monitor though for like 4 hours a week.
Well, laundry calls and so does Controls. Tomorrow is a new day and a new
path.
C!
Quotes:
Prof Fay after helping us with Emag and Perk saying thanks:
"Don't thank me. I did something. Now I can go take a nap!"
09-15 23:04:Where's me shorts?
Last night got finished off with controls. At about midnight I was bouncing
off the walls in the computer lab with energy that I usually so not dispaly
accept while playing sports or when I go home. I thought Abraham, Eric, Anne,
and Monica where going to kill me. I literaly gave them a penny for their
thoughts!
More rain today. Such ugly weather but it will be a hell of a football game
tomorrow if it continues (shutting down Drew Brees is a good thing). Again,
I am left to workout by myself in the morning. ITS REALLY HARD MOTIVATING
MYSELF TO DO THAT! George or Eric has got to stop staying up to past 3 in the
morning and come!
I got to play SUPER Chris today with many good samaritan acts. I bought Joy
and Dana, the hip chicks at the minority engineering program (MEP) a small
bouqet of flowers each. They have been helpful to me in my four years at ND.
They were quite happy and wished every day was a Purde vs. ND weekend!
I also ran to help a random girl who was getting drenched by offering my
umbrella services. She was grateful. Later when I went out to Walmart to get
much needed essentials, I helped another girl get her new bike into her car
by whiping a wrench out of my car and taking off the front wheel before the
car got drenched. Cdawg to the rescue!
Its official, I am no longer TAing. A replacement has been found! I will
have to work 4 hours in the learning center on Saturday but tis an easy gig.
Its always funny talking to my mom. Today she commented on how she wished
she had made me go out more as she believes me antisocial and where she went
wrong with my sister who now has the boxers of a guy she recently met in her
window! It was some kind of game where the girls had to go on a hunt to find
the guys boxers. Thing is, my sister never returned them. In fact, she is
even taunting the poor boy to put them in a glass case. To this he responded
that if she did not give them back, the next time they are in the dining hall
he will say very loudly "Terry, could you please give me back my boxers I left
in your room last night!" Very amusing indeed ;).
Instant messangered with Megan (on this list) who is going to Cal Tech
tomorrow. She promises to keep in contact. May you achieve the true being of
nerdiness Megan! I am hoping she will become an EE!
Good night everybody!
C!
Quotes:
Eric blessing someone: "May the blessing of God fall upon you like a ton
of bricks!"
09-16 09:59:Engineering Dictionary
While looking for a technical word this morning I found this instead.
As most of the people on this list are engineers, I thought I'd pass
it along. It's funny, because a lot of it is true!
C!
What the Engineer says: What it really means:
A number of different approaches are We are still grasping at straws.
being tried.
We're working on a fresh approach to We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
the problem.
Close project coordination We know who to blame.
Major technological breathrough It works OK, but looks very hi-tech
.
Customer satisfaction upon delivery is We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy
assured. to get it delivered.
Preliminary operational tests were The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
inconclusive
Test results were extremely gratifying We are so surprised that
the stupid thing works.
The entire concept will have to be The only person who understood the thing quit.
abandoned.
It is in process. It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation
is about hopeless.
We'll look into it. Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
Please read and initial. Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.
Give us the benefit of your thoughts. We'll listen to what you have to say as long as
it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
Give us your interpretation. I can't wait to hear this!
See me, or Let's Discuss Come into my office, I'm lonely.
All new! Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
Rugged Too heavy to lift!
Lightweight Lighter than rugged.
Years of development One finally worked.
Energy saving Achieved when the power switch is off.
Low maintenance Impossible to fix if broken.
09-16 21:56:
Go Irish!!!
ND has proven yet again that top 25 teams had best not be to cocky when they
come to ND stadium, lest they be disappointed by days end. Just me two
points- err, I mean 2 cents!! ND- 23 Purdue- 21.
Attempted to work on my Microwave labs today and do Emag during the game.
Not to productive a day but Emag is confusing and so is Microwaves. Am
spending the rest of the night reading about Buddaism. Interesting stuff
so far.
I read on our web page yesterday that the endowment has jumped because of
very good investing from 2.3 to 3.5 billion in a year. I guess that is why
tuition continues to go up ;). Oh well. Tomorrow back to Microwaves.
Still lots of catching up to do but at least I don't have to TA.
C!
Quotes
"I really don't think there's any kind of a defense or a scheme that's going
to leave us ineffective." -Drew Brees, Purdue Quarteback before the game.
The 22 passes attempted by Brees were the fewest since his freshman season.
- espn review after the game.
09-17 23:50:The Meaning of It all
Spent all the time I had today to give to homework on finally looking
at my Microwave labs. Not that I actually did anything to them, I
just basically stared at them for 5 hours! I at least am at the point
where I can see what needs to be done and where I need to ask lots of
questions. The general idea of things is that once circuit speeds get
high enough, or if your elements are really freakin big (like a long
wire or antenna) you can't just say V=IR anymore. The correct solution
would of course be lots of vector math but lazy (efficient) as
engineers are, they came up with short cuts. In the labs, we got to
do cool things like look at a standing voltage wave on a long metal
tube and see on a scope how a wave does take time to get through a
circuit and all kinds of fancy measuring techniques that I just did
not get at the time. Much work to be done to get caught up on but at
least I have a chance now.
In theo we discussed Buddahism and saw a movie on the topic. They
don't worship any god, but believe in them. They have a figure head,
the Buddha, but are only suppose to honor him and nothing more. For
them, salvation is self enlightenment by freeing one's self from this
world by overcoming all desire. This and the reading last night got
me thinking about what this crazy world means. Some spend all their
life trying to find it, as the Buddha did for many years. Others
don't start to care until almost the end. Some people find meaning
in their work, others in having fun and going to extremes. Then
others just don't give a damn. No one knows why we are here and what
happens next: Rebirth? Anilation? Union? The next level? Game
over? Bliss? Paradise? Are we to believe tradition, ideas, very
smart (or dumb) people, our own thoughts? How can people live their
lives not thinking about this question all the time, it is the biggest
test question ever put before an engineer want to be :) and whenever
I get a big problem I can't solve I don't stop thinking about it.
Early morning workout facilitates me getting to bed now. I will dwell
on this later and throughout the course of this theology class.
C!
Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason
why so few engage in it. -Henry Ford
09-18 15:51:this is a test
test
test
09-18 15:52:this is a test
test
test
09-19 01:19:
This journal is long and not informative. Unless you want to know some
personal thoughts that have been swimming in my head about work and fun
(which some of you might) in my life, skip it.
Went to the MEP banquet tonight. Nice speakers but some bad organizing.
This was not Joy's fault at all though. All in attendence received $500.
I love that woman! There is one way to motivate ND students: MONEY!!
Kind of Bummed today. I keep trying to do work but all kinds of things
insist on eating all my time. Still working on those freakin microwave labs
and still not near finishing them. It hurts not having anyone to work with
in the class. All the people I normally work with opted for other classes
and all that is left in the class are grad students I don't know and,
quite truthfully, slacker undergard students. This is not an exaggeration,
these people will wait to the last possbile minute to do things. I feel
sorry for Anne Burns and the people who are in her design group. It's the
same deal.
When I look around I see everyone but me having fun or at least
getting things done. It is very disheartening and really does hurt me
emotionally. Its kind of like a dagger through my self confidence and
heart everytime my friends ask me to do something and I have to say no.
I figured out a while ago that if you did everything the
profs told you to do and that you should do, you would not sleep, eat,
let alone do anything else non school work related. This is exactly why
I believe Aaron Walters had a break down: he tried to do what they wanted
at the expense of everything else. Most people keep their humanity by
trying to have some fun, not doing the reading, relying on others, cutting
out on sleep, not going to class, and other techniques. Most people seem
to have picked up on these techniques, but me. I can't stay up late,
whenever I go out it ends up really being the wrong time to have gone out,
and when I don't go that was the assignment that was easy anyway.
I used to afraid to go out. Now I'm just plain behind the game. I have
never felt so far behind as now. I can catch up but at the expense of any
thing fun and fencing for a while. Oh well, my back still hurts anyway.
Again, it seems that I care to much about anything in line with my morals
or my goals as Eric said. What is my goal for working so hard? At first it
was just to catch up as my current group of friends easily had GPAs that
were .5 higher than mine (I am sure they are still significantly hire).
Then it became grad school and still is.
If this semester is going to hit me like the last one then
I am going to treat it the same way: Bite the bullet, buckle down, cut
off any extrenous commitments, and just work, work, work. Why? Because
I want to do well one more semester and because I want to go to grad school
which I can't take care of until the silly things like homework are out of
the way. I have found no time to study for GREs or look at schools since
coming back to school and I really want to do so.
If I have to take easy electives and drop fencing next semester
just so I can say I didn't work for four years straight then so be it.
But since I have good reasons for working this semester, I will go back to
the regiment I kept last semester. You people saw the glory file...
I'll become a machine again.
C
09-20 01:58:
09-21 00:15:
09-22 08:39:Controls Marathon
09-23 00:11:
09-23 10:47:Thoughts
09-24 01:02:Ugh
09-24 23:56:Sorry for the grammatical errors in the last journal. I should not
09-25 20:17:
09-27 00:46:
09-28 01:54:EE = Current??
09-28 23:25:Pun Day
09-30 00:40:Today Rocked
10-02 00:19:
10-03 16:30:Sad Day
10-05 00:21:
10-05 22:06:Just a quick note. The next few days through next Wednesday are very busy.
10-13 14:36:Mission: Midterms Week
10-14 21:22:Break
10-16 20:43:
10-18 18:02:The GRE
10-19 18:27:
10-21 15:30:Ended up going to AppleBee's instead of Ryan's Thursday night; Joy expected
10-27 10:08:
10-27 11:31:Scream and moo and much adeiu. Not quite sure what that means but it
10-27 13:26:Corrections
10-28 19:01:
10-30 00:24:
10-30 08:55:
11-02 23:52:Blah.
11-04 10:21:Nice day yesterday. Started it out by calling up an old friend, Natalie, and
11-07 23:57:WINDS OF CHANGE
11-09 00:15:Make the Bad Man Stop! Well, just got back from trying to pick George
11-10 21:05:I have been unmotivated to write this last week. Nothing fun or
11-11 20:26:GO ND! Our team proves successful again. Once we win over our last
11-12 15:53:I have solved my problem of not having a comfortable chair in my room thanks
11-14 13:07:
11-15 23:05:Hmmm. Turns out that my last two journals where only received by RN.
11-17 00:42:Another week draws near to its end. The end of the semester feelings
11-18 14:32:Yesterday was spent doing Controls lab, as was most the week. Erik and
11-19 23:08:Read this journal. Good stuff at end.
11-21 00:50:Fast day. They keep tearing on by. I know what obstacles are left before
11-22 20:03:And so starts break. Some highlights from the last three days need to
11-24 20:43:Gobble, gobble. No that's not the sound of a Trukey, that's the sound
11-25 19:37:GO ND! ND - 38 USC - 21. We are now 9-2 and likely going to the
11-26 19:28:Work, work, work. Everyone is coming back, or have just been here and
11-28 02:56:Da da da dummmmmmm. Da da da dummmmmmm. I AM CHARGED RIGHT NOW! It
11-29 03:48:Score:
11-30 01:56:For those who did not understand the last journal, everyone but Perk
11-30 23:17:Wow. It has been a rough week. My eyeballs and head actually hurt
12-03 10:22:Wow. Things just never get easier :). My three assignments which I thought
12-07 01:02:
12-08 12:25:Well, ended up watching all of the movie Wednesday night and so did
12-11 19:55:No rest for the restless. I have finished two finals. The first one was
12-16 14:59:
12-18 16:15:It's nice to be home. As usual, the trip getting here was rough. First,
01-09 20:49:Game Over
01-15 19:05:
01-17 16:59:Woo hoo!
01-18 21:20:Senior Bar
01-18 21:21:Senior Bar
01-18 21:22:Sorry about the two emails. The new terminal I am using did some crazy
01-24 23:45:Some important issues to discuss. Will get the normal hum-drum out of the
01-25 20:51:En Garde
01-27 15:19:Guitar
01-28 14:25:
01-29 21:08:
02-01 15:43:Buzzzz...
02-04 23:55:Been a few days as I have been busy. I will take each day in turn but
02-07 23:06:GUI
02-10 13:46:
02-13 19:20:
02-14 23:39:
02-18 14:43:
02-19 17:32:Sunday
02-20 20:24:Not a bad day. School is definitely relaxed this semester. Went to
02-21 16:04:Engineering + Tie Die = Fun!
02-23 20:19:The Glory Days of Engineering
02-24 21:56:Easy day. Got up at 8AM to go judge for the Fencing tournament. I
02-25 15:04:Thieves!
02-26 21:07:Doomarena
02-27 02:30:
02-28 00:40:
03-01 16:17:It has been a while since I have been very unhappy. Today is just one
03-01 22:05:Am feeling better now. I definitely needed a few hours to blow off
03-03 00:29:Well these last two days continue to be depressing. I got an email
03-03 21:33:Now in an indifferent state of mind today. My play list best shows
03-04 23:32:Victory is MINE!
03-07 16:31:Well for a week now things have just been beating on me. I found this
03-08 01:59:
03-12 14:14:
03-15 13:43:Back Online
03-15 14:23:Back Online
03-15 14:29:Oops
03-17 16:26:Break has not been as fun as I had hoped. It turns out that people
03-18 23:16:Well, yesterday was not a lot of fun. I spent the day waiting for
03-18 23:17:
03-20 00:47:I keep forgetting how beautiful this semester is. Class time is
03-20 21:02:Came to a realization last night. I made it back to the dorm about
03-22 19:27:Forgot to mention that two days ago walking back from lunch with Andy
03-23 11:47:Heartland
03-24 12:51:Grad School Updates:
03-25 12:29:Lisa's Performance
03-26 02:04:Make the Bad Man Stop
03-27 01:14:
03-29 13:08:As was predicted, things got better after last journal. I won a small
03-31 01:07:
04-01 13:00:Luau
04-03 22:29:Women's BBall:
04-10 13:44:Back from the trip. Time for the details.
04-11 19:07:Things have still been just great. Have been doing a lot of errands
04-13 20:09:Three's Company:
04-19 01:31:I decided to wait a few days for enough exciting things to happen
04-22 13:16:In this issue we travel to hell and back, twice!
05-01 12:27:
05-01 14:43:Back Online:
05-04 15:37:Just finished my Mechanics final, where just = 2.5 hours ago :). It
05-06 13:21:Nothing But Fun
05-07 19:03:The Final Count
05-10 22:57:Well, its almost all over. I spent the last two days in the lab playing
05-15 14:42:Good Byes
05-21 07:18:
Active Day
Am in better spirits today. It turned out that the people I thought were
gone from Microwaves all came back today from various activities. I now
have a few people I can study with. Labs are still at a crawl but making
a little progress now. I should note that when I say I am behind I am not
doing bad. I have gotten high marks on all my homeworks and my first test
too. Just that there are so many things piled up that if the train doesn't
stop it is going to plow into a wall.
Design was presentation day. It was funny watching most everyone BS through
what they were suppose to be working on. I proposed re group start meeting
twice a week. Emag I was tired and missed out on understanding some stuff.
Its OK, it didn't help with the homework anyway. That book is not doing a
good job of explaining things anymore, even in the problems! I actually went
to BW3s today. Microwaves homework was not going to bad and I was curious to
see what it was like. Good stuff. Five dollars split with people got me a
drink, potatoe slices, and 12 chicken wings. I have not been so messy since
I was a kid!! I was constantly looking at the time but it made me feel good
to be hanging with friends.
Spent time with Perk, RN, George, and Rink looking at when stuff is due for
colleges. 18 schools were looked at. I don't know where I want to go
anymore. I will have to see what Bauer has to say. Who knows, maybe he has
connections if not at least good insight for me. Where ever I go, I want to
do research that is interesting to me and is a comfortable environment. As
long as the school is in the top 50, I can't think of any other key factors.
I am still having back problems!! This is 5 weeks now! I think my back pack
may not be helping things along with the uncomfortable chairs in some
classes. This really should have been better by now. On top of this, my
Fencing captain sent me this letter:
Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 17:52:14 -0500
From: Jan Viviani
To: Christopher Sanabria
Subject: Re: Hey
Chris,
We had a squad meeting today and I told the guys that I do not want to make
any cuts, but the people who do not come to practice at least four days a
week(Mon.-Thur.) will be at the bottom of the list for fencing in meets and
getting issue. I think that we might not have enough stuff for everyone,
but some kids might drop out. It would be unfair to not let someone who is
working hard compete. I hope you feel better soon and we can talk some more
when you come into practice.
Jan
I worked my ass off last year, kept an incredible GPA, and I didn't get jack
in terms of stuff or fencing time! Not even lessons although I'd keep asking.
I can't help labs, my schedule, or that I keep getting hurt. K talked things
over with the coach already too. I am so ticked. If my back dosen't get
better soon I may have to drop Fencing too!
To bed. Industry day is tomorrow. Must go see if any companies are worthy
of me!!
C!
Free Stuff
Today was industry day. I went and talked to a few companies with the main
focus being to talk to a few select companies and get free stuff. I got
4 free shirts and there was other stuff like silly puddy too! Of
importance was TI, Motorola, IBM, and HP. All companies that are big
enough that they do stuff I would like and are stationed at places I would
like to work at. The end result was that no company is going to help pay
for grad school before hand. Most will help with expenses but you have to
do it during work which sounds like a horrible idea, even if you are
single! I might just go for the PhD and get it over with as soon as
possible. I will stick to my plans though of going for a Master's and
seeing if grad school still interests me, then to go for a PhD. It would
be fun to go work at a company and make new applications. TI and IBM I
have found out both make new things that they show off to other companies
and sell them the materials and plans to build them. With TI it sounds
like I could work overseas, something I think would be a lot of fun to
try! Every time I talk to Motorola they sound a little cooler. They
will definitely be in the back of my mind. So enough of companies for a
while, grad school hoah!
Oh yeah, they had a cool car at industry day called the Pontiac
Aztec. It was a smaller SUB with lots of interesting little "gadget"
features. Loaded it is about $25k. I will have to consider one
later when I get another car (aka after grad school and loans are paid
off).
The rest of the day was just spent running around trying to get labs and
homework done. My parents said they are trying to get hotels for
graduation and that my Dad's parents are coming! Woo hoo! (ND people,
do you know about how many people we can "invite" to graduation? I am
pretty sure there is a limit. RN, you must know.).
Time to organize and sleep.
C!
I now know my first fellow senior buddy do get a job. Yesterday,
Monica Mata got an email from Joy (the same wonderful person who has
helped me in many regards) saying that Delphi was interested in her in
a place where she wanted to work. Reading anemail it looks as though
its a shoe in. I cracked Perk and RNs blank1 blank2 code yesterday,
("Na Mad!"). I guess I can put that on my resume :).
Yesterday was a Controls homework marathon that is still going on
today. It was started at 5PM, went to 1AM, and I am now up at 8:30 to
resume it. It is only 4 problems but has some really nasty parts to
it such as a partial fraction decomposition part to 1/6th of one of the
problems that I stared at for 2 hours before giving up. Mathematica
would not even directly do it :). Oh well, back to the marathon!
C!
TGIF!
Spent the morning on Controls, then went to Controls class, then worked on
Controls. No, I'm not almost done with Controls either :). 10 hours and
9 pages so far of code, graphs, and writing. Not terribly difficult but
terribly confusing. Bad memories of sig sys :).
After "controls" I went with Eric and Abe out shopping. We 1st went to
Men's Warehouse. I needed to alter my 2 suits as I found out this Monday
neither one fit anymore! Only one can be salvaged. Abe was intent on
getting a suit for his up coming interviews that would happen in November.
Before it was all said and done, he had a suit, two dress shirts, a very
expensive pair of shoes, suspenders, and maybe a tie or two. I won't
disclose the exact number but to only say it was under $1k even before
the student 10% discount. I paid $18 to get my pants retaylored! We tried
to go to TGIF which for I had a $10 gift certificate from TI to use. It
was 8PM and the wait was an hour. We then tried Papa Vino's but the wait
was 2.5 hours! We then tried Chile's where we were seated in 10 minutes.
I got the Mushroom Jack Fajitas that were descent (tasty chicken).
I will have to miss the ND game. In order to make a training session
tomorrow I switched Learning Center Monitoring shifts with someone for the
2 to 6 slot. Bummer. Well, Go IRISH!!!
Finally read one of RN's journal to find a cool cartoon called "PhD" at
http://phd.stanford.edu . For techies it was some humorous stuff. I now
have my suspisions that RN's "research" is actually to find more techie
comic strips. If he was constantly taking this stuff in I could see now
why he is the way he is!
C!
Felt like just writing some things down. Read on if the subject
headings interest you.
Oh my Aching Back:
My back feels better from whatever happened to it last week. It was
very confusing because besides between my shoulders where it has
always hurt, my lower back was hurting a lot (still does so too).
My thoughts are that some combination of lifting, having to carry
my big bag every where (which I have tried to lighten), uncomfortable
chairs, having to sit most the day are preventing things from getting
better. I really don't even want to try and do anything any more
until it goes away. I thought it would be OK to just workout stuff
other than my back but that does not seem to be the case as I just
took 5 days off and things feel like they are doing better than when
I was still trying to workout. I swear, someone has it out for me.
Everytime I start working out I am forced to quit (lost my ride, time
to move, semester from hell) or I get hurt :). How do I know there is
still a problem? I can't do situps (tried again yesterday) for as
soon as I even try it hurts, I don't like to twist as I feel pain then
too, and the last few times I tried running the bobing up and down
hurts me. Why do I still try and do things and just not quit? I like
playing sports and being active. I found that out sophomore year. I
didn't know it in highschool because I was in band. Why have I not
gone to a doctor? I did twice. Both said I would be just fine but
how reassuring that is now. I am going to schedule another visit to
go talk to a doctor Monday. What will I do in the mean time? Again,
no fencing this week. To the dismay of my friends I will also not
workout except to do push ups in my room and to go swim a few times as
to keep from becoming a vegetable. I don't want my last suit to not
fit in a months time :).
Thoughts on CS vs. EE:
I could never understand why this is always a battle ground with some
people I know. Both are cool. Programming is pure reasoning and you
can manipulate electrons to do all kinds of services for you. Hardware
is cool because it lets me listen to music whenever I want and gives
me gadgets like my Palm Pilot :). I always think about "what if I had
been computer engineering" or even computer science major. My
experiences to programming were almost none (OK, I saw a guy do some
silly things with an Apple IIg my senior year in highschool) until
college. Then learned fortran in EG120 and had a real class finally
my sophomore year. It so turned me off. I had actually spent 24
hours on one of the stupid projects and even though I did well in the
class I thought "I must suck at this. I spend hours and hours and
hours fixing things. Other people (which at the time RN and Perk had
helped me a little) do this stuff in 1/4th the time. This is no fun."
and next semester I was an EE. George has told me that I definitely
have the type of mind frame of approaching programming, which I thought was
correct. Its just that I had not had the experience as some of the
other people in the class and I was not able to get help or support
from the teacher (Bass, a man who should not have been teaching that
class) and the chinese TAs (who were not much help, I could not
understand and one of them "disappeared" half way through the class).
Oh well. I wouldn't dare try and do CSE in grad school. Everywhere
requires a subject test that I am sure I would do horrible on and I am
to far behind the game. I do like EE a lot though. Don't get me
wrong, I'm not saying that I have regrets or am sorry. You can't be a
slacker or not like it and do a good job in EE. Ask Steven Reed how
Semiconductors went for him and why he is doing sports stuff now.
You learn a lot of math and physics stuff on how things work and when
you get done if you put your mind to it you can create things. All
I'm saying is that I applaud the CSE people for what they do and I
applaud my fellow EEs for what they do. It really is a heads tails
relationship. Can't have one without the other anymore. And
that I think I could have had a lot of fun either way looking back now.
When I Grow up:
I am still thinking about what I would like to do in grad school and
afterwards. Things that are my strengths are persistence like you
wouldn't believe for something I have set as my goal, organization
skills ( I really liked those flow diagrams in Comp Arch I), and over
all from my classes I can say I do a descent job on everything.
Things that don't work for me is that I am not a theoretical
powerhouse as I see some of my friends being, I can get discouraged
easy (again, I bring up CSE232), tedious details make me sick (I
want to design the thing, not figure out how to make it cost effective
and to fit in a package the size of a finger nail). Things I would
like to work with are:
Things involving music (working for Sony or Bose would rock)
Making gadgets (go Palm!)
Working on the big picture rather than, say, its input output
Working with Matlab is a good thing :)
These are just some ideas thus far. I like helping and teaching other
people but I don't want to work at a school. What appeals to me about
industry is that I can generally work my 8 hours a day and call it
quits after that (a teacher is always on call and always working),
they make things that I can actually use in my life time and they pay
well for people like me.
Time to go do stuff. This meditation is over.
C!
I had changed my work time so that I would have to work during the
game yesterday so as to make a training session 11AM to 1PM today. It
was not it. I learned nothing that I could not have picked up in 5
minutes at the learning center and I missed ND dropping a heart
breaker to Michigan State, 27-21. It seems that Michigan scored on
4th and 10 with 2 minutes left in the game. Are offense, the weakest
part of the team, and with no time outs, couldn't do a thing.
While working in the learning center we figured out how to rig Eric's
mini-disc player to the speakers. It was fun, Handel blaring out in
the place (no one came in to work the entire time I worked) like a
concert hall. Me, Abe, and Eric spent all days on Controls today and
still are not done with the lab or the homework. We are up to 20
hours now. As Eric put it, "This homework makes me want to take up
cursing." You no things are bad when Eric says something like that.
Hanging with the guys though, I realized that this type of problem
solving is what engineering is all about. Sure, it sucks because of
what the teacher did, but under different parameters this is some
intense stuff and some good bonding. Engineering is much like, but
harder, than a sport. Your enemy is the unseen answer. Even when you
have your enemy in your clutches it can just slip away (aka, someone
else proves you wrong!). Instead of athletes training for
hours everyday, we spend everyday all day training for that moment of
triumph. What is it? The enlightenment. It strikes you like
thunder. Its easy to recognize because most people make "the sound."
Its like an "Oooooooooh!" Unless you are Archimedas and you say
"Eureka!" Break is over, back to Controls!! Sound the barbaric
"Yulp."
C!
have tried to write such a late journal entry :). Controls has gone
23 hours. The lab is done and one part of one problem left on the
homework. Teacher got back to our hate mail saying don't waste
any more time deriving, just turn in what you can. I am giving the
last part one more hour only because its something I actually don't
know what it is.
Today was gone in the blink of an eye. Every day gets a little
faster. What time I had was spent on Emag. HP emailed me today
saying they wanted to interview me. Since I have set my mind to grad
school and a gig with TI in the summers is already good enough, I
declined. Makes me happy they were interested though. Time to get
ready for bed. It has been a hard weekend.
C!
Interesting Day
The weather is changing, and so are things for me. It is now becoming
necessary to wear pants. Upon trying out what I have left I have come to
the realization I only have two pairs of blue jeans that fit! When I came
to ND. I was a lanky 135-140 lbs. Now I am 177 lbs. Not chubby at all but
not being able to run or anything is not helping right now. This is true
about most my clothes. I found out last Monday neither of the suits I got
senior year in highschool fit. One is being altered the other has no hope.
George is trying to convince me to do the Aero and Mechanical senior design
class next semester. This could be a neat change of pace and a much better
substitute for my technical elective than mechanics! I pulled out a DART
book from last semester to see how things line up (they usually stay the
same). I could be in for a very nice schedule next semester. Classes
compacted together TH with no labs. Very nice! Happy thoughts till then.
Will have to ask my advisor and the teacher about the class.
Called Palm today as they have not gotten me the replacement Palm yet. For
those that don't know, the asful trip I had back to ND also resulted in my
Palm dying. I called up customer care and they told me they were back
ordered on there own product by 2 weeks! I immediately tried to strike a
deal to no avail then went out and bought a second one at best buy with a
two year warranty ($18 extra). That one died in 3 days! Best Buy's
warranty got me an immediate replacement. It has now been 5+ weeks for the
replacement though (George said he would buy the brand new unit when it
came). They said they were still back ordered. I said "This is ridiculous,
I want my money back." They transferred me to another number. The lady
read my file and said "We have a couple here, we'll overnight mail you one."
Yeah, now I can break about even now and George gets a Palm. Having
corporate time software already, this could only be a blessed thing (Perk,
were's your Palm buddy? Everyone's doing it!).
Emag recitation was amusing. A probelm with a hand wavy derivation and a
homework problem facilitated by my complaining "our homework is right"
caused the TA and teacher to spend most the recitation hashing out what was
right and politely arguing. After recitation I went to teacher's office
where they were still hashing things out. I added some comments and had to
go. It comes down to how do you draw a plane wing: a loop or a wire.
Talked to Jesus (no, not God the professor! Well, OK both) today over
dinner. Being a recent grad and prof I wanted his take on things. Learned
some ideas about the statement of intent. Also realized that I'll be fine
in getting in to some of these places. Just apply and let God put you
where he wants too. I also came to the realization you don't have to be a
genuis to go to grad school. Sure, some are but they are looking for
people who will do the work and have enough smarts to get it all. Some
people in my class are absolutely brilliant but again are "slackers."
This is an even more undesirable trait in grad school that will get you in
trouble. I also came to realize it is OK if I'm not Newton or Einstien or
my friends. I have an inspiration now: Thomas Edison. When people think
inventions he is up there. But he was probably the worlds greatest
tinkerer. I fit somewhere comfortably between the two which makes me
happy.
Time for Emag.
C!
Today's ABPVW (Ann Burns Power Vocabulary Word) is:
hydrocephalus (n.)
example: RN is able to spit out so many lies a day because he suffers
from hydrocephalus in which the lies are just squeezed out.
Frustrating day. Basically spent from 5:00 to 11:30 trying to get the 4
microwave labs done. Basically got 1 done minus a question for the prof.
Ouch! Between my Emag contribution block, controls homework, and
microwaves labs its enough to drive a person insane. Took a glance at next
week today. It is the week before Fall break! Holy cow! We're half way
through the semester practically. Then I looked at the tests and projects
due next week. Holy cow! What's so special about the week before break?!
This fall break, me and my friends will spend the 1st half studying then the
2nd hald taking the GREs. The fun never ends. If I can just get through
the next three weeks I predict my life will be at least three fold happier.
Came home now to a pleasent surprise of a new printer (I was wrong Perk,
you win). Also shipped were some snacks from home. Way to go 'rents!
A nice little counter action to the horror of this day. The only word that
comes to mind is the engineering technical term "cute." No this is not a
joke. It surprises me how many professors refer to this circuit as "cute"
or this derivation as "cute" or this trick as "cute." Anne Burns I believe
said Dr. Lemmon used the term "cute" more than 20 times throughout the
course (maybe even a lot more than that). It's a compact little printer
that is color too. My parents got it at a good price (~$50?). I guess
this is due to the fact that it is parrellel port, which is quickly phasing
out to USB connectors.
The big thought for today was when I asked David Rink, fellow EE and one
of the geniuses I am always refering too, answered my question "Why do you
want to go to grad school?" He said, "I like the college setting. It's
relaxing and different. You meet many people with similar interests."
What a great answer. It then made me think, "Why the hell am I so
stressed?" Again, as before, my parents instilled in me this high sense
of worrying and caring about things. Also, I am always trying to do
something extra. Two more things I think contribute to this are
forsight and linearity. As my mom has said about dad some times, we like
to look to far in to the future some times. Like Jesus told me when I
asked him about grad schools and qualifiers, "Woah, take things one step
at a time. Get in first." Linearity, in that I love to have one big
project to ponder on that has lots of possibilities and options (Like
with the Signals and Systems II project. It sucked, but was cool), not
5 classes plus change of stuff to do. I agree with Rink, I like the
people. You go back to the real world and its funny just talking to
people. Wait, is that just me being so socially inept because I spend
all my time in roughly six different scenes? Hmmmm... I'll have to
think about that one! :)
Tomorrow I go to see the third doctor for my back. Lets see if he also
says I'll "be just fine" dispite it being 6+ weeks since this "low impact"
crash. Time to take care of a few details.
C!
I must say, today was a beautiful day. Low 70s, gorgous blue sky, no
wind. It was like one of those ideal cases when a science experiment
can be done without having to worry about real world factors in the
equations :*). I saw the doctor. She could understand why I came,
but my back was not hurting a lot then. Of course, by the end of the
day my back is now hurting a lot! I always do that, end up not being
my sickest when I see the doctor. I need to live by a hospital. She
suggested to see a physical therapist at least once and recommended
one to me. I have to check on insurance stuff 1st.
Xerox sent me an email wanting to interview me. Again, I must
decline. The highlight of the day was trying to do an experiment for
the design project. In order to show that an air core transformer was
feasible, look at different configurations, and look at different
frequencies, I suggested my group do a simple experiment. I wound
wire around a piece of insulating shell for a large wire and hooked
the ends to a wave generator. Then looped some more wire below but
seperate the first wire and put it on an oscilloscope. I should have
seen a small version of the wave generator on the oscilloscope. Mark
Richmond, the technician for the lab, helped me. He is the equivalent
of a drill seargent in the army, only for EEs. I like talking to him.
Anyway, after he had helped me get things working, and me and Perk
were about to start writing the data down, the thing died! We gave up
trying to fix it after half an hour (we couldn't find Mark). Two
senior electrical engineers could not make a piece of wire conduct
current. How sad is that?? Oh well. Will have to try again later.
I have found a little fun release. I like getting a late night shake
from LaFun. Its like a much needed treat in the middle of hard core
working. I am still have most my Flex points so it is not a problem.
I will have to start requiring those who study with me at this magic
time of day to come too. Eric did today and I was happy.
Philosophical thought for the day. When I woke up this morning and
listened to the radio outside the showers this morning, I actually
was awake enough to pay attention. Clips of the Backstreet Boys and
other pop bands seem to be the hay day. I then thought about what I
listen to, what my friends listen to, and what it says about us. It
seems to agree with how I see people. It makes sense what Eric likes:
true gospel and classical to fill his mind and soul. Spiritual music
for a great spiritual guy it seems. Perk and RN? I didn't even know
the music they listened to existed until I heard it from them. All I
can say is it is crazy like them and seems to be readily available at
record shops all around Berkely. Perk likes 80's British punk music
too and sometimes he really looks the part. Again, a good match.
George? I think he likes rock a lot (Need I even say it? "Here I go,
again on my own."). Good old American guy (he works for the DoD :) ),
good old American music. Me? I have been listening a lot to things like
Sting, Depeche Mode, U2, and classical. I don't know how to interpret
that. I guess I really like music that has emotional life to it. Its not
specific to a genre, I only like specific songs from any artist and
never all. Songs that transmit power to you by making the hair on
your arm stand up. That's one of the reasons I like classical. If
you get a good piece like the Planets, and are there in front of the
Orchestra, nothing will make your hair stand on ends like that. So
then I bring the thought up again about the music that is out there
today. What are the rap artists trying to say? Is everyone a
gangster or some stupid authority figure? What about the tenny-boper
bands, what are they trying to say? "Back street's back. Alright?"
When the hell were they ever here? Some of the stuff sounds cool,
even though a lot of it seems to sound the same at times (agian,
Nysnc, Brittany and all the other clones), but the lyrics are conveying
messages I really don't like. I am not just being particular to
tenny-boper music. Take Nine Inch Nails for example. The guy I
believe has music degrees in how to compose something for on the order
of an orchestra. He writes some very cool sounding music, but the
lyrics are horrible. What is this rage this man has about everything?
I am all for artists being free to express themselves. What they are
expressing kind of scares me though. Anyway, its just neat to see how
music reflects people. As the rector in my dorm said in mass once
"You can tell what kind of God a person worships by who they are."
Maybe this kind of applies to music as well.
C!
Managed to squeeze some good fun out of today's classes. It started with
Design class where I was much more awake than I thought I would have been.
The prof was talking about "In management, you mainly care about taking care
of the resources of time, money, and people. Sometimes you have to make
trade offs. In one situation it might be better to use time for people.
In others trade off people for money,..." At this point I immediately
completed the prof's sentence to Perk as "money for nothing, chicks for
free!" (Go Dire Straits!). The puns continued throughout the day but I'll
spare everyone here. I also was in a particularly goofy mood. Before Emag,
I thought I would commit some graffiti by writing in big letters "Flux Rules"
on the board (don't worry, if your not an EE this makes no sense). During
Emag, the prof was doing some great practical examples such as magnetic
field created by a spinning CD, how a current could be created on a computer
board because of the power transformer but Perk thought sleep was more
worthwhile. I decided to help his education by throwing Pepsi caps and
erasers at him. He tired to peg me for it later but I'm sure he will come
to his sense one day and thank me.
It seems my last journal entry on music went over very well with people.
And I thought it was just 2 in the morning jibberish. I thank them for
their praise.
The replacement Palm finally came today. I checked to make sure it worked
since I am having great success with them as of late ;). I was wrong
about two things yesterday. First, the printer does also have a USB port.
My parents got an excellent deal. Second, break is in two weeks, not one.
Oh well. Things shifted a lot today and now seem a little more manageable.
If I could just get the 5 (had another lab today) microwaves labs done,
get past the theo test, and be done with GREs already, things would be
much nicer. Persistence, must be persistent for three more weeks.
I am currently working on my portion of the theo questions for theo test.
Three down, two to go. Most my questions are on Zen. To my surprise and
humor, an author actually gave a one line description of Zen that he called
the Zen Algorith :). It is from a Zen poem and says "All is one, one is
none, none is all." It does Zen justice too. After much intense meditation
the student enters into Satoris, a state of consciousness that can actually
be compared to being on drugs but to very different effects. You
explore the depths of your mind and enter what seems to be another realm.
In this state you begin to realize everything is the cosmos, one, "at-one-
ment." You go back, through meditation, continuing to explore this world
until realizing that there is nothing, and nothing is all. I will not try
to explain it any further than that as the Zensters do not like to even
try to put it in words. It is something that must be experienced. You
have to reach the enlightenment yourself. Once you do, everything is
seen in a new way. People who do this are much more at peace. In our
Theo class, we have a book about an Irish Catholic who went to the East
and tried it himself. Although you should come to see that God becomes
part of everything else, he believes some of the ideas of Zen (a new
type he calls Christian Zen) could be beneficial to Christians. It sure
would be cool to try to meditate. It sounds very relaxing and
enlightening. Well, back to the questions.
C!
Just so many good things happened today that made it all nice.
Good jokes were told, work got done, and I actually learned something
new in Control Systems! Oh my goodness, it only took 6 full weeks!
Somthing called the Ruth something method for find roots of a
polynomial. Not worth explaining. My controls teacher continues to
scare me to the point I don't like to ask questions outside of class.
When asked "What will be the break down of grades" in reference to how
much tests are worth and such, he responded "I don't curve the grades.
blah blah blah. No matter what I put on tests there are always some
people who get it all right." I then asked Eric to ask the same
question but more directly. He responded, "No I don't know." Then
talked some more that lead to some humor, but no answer. It is a
very, very odd thing to have an engineering professor who does not
have things laid down precisely. We don't even know how many tests we
are going to have! Its almost like an arts and letters class. He is
from Greece, so I will give him slack. Its just all a
bit... unsettling to the stomach :). He gave us a good quote today.
He was talking about how you could go number crunch a solution to this
one problem but "That would be a big waste of your time. Huh, it
would even be a big waste of the computers time!" He has some funny
things to say at times. He is a good guy.
After class I worked on controls. Then had a quick outing to do "mad
shopping." As in, it needed to be quick so I could get back to work.
I went and got my retailored suit, then went off to JC Penny's were I
hoped things would be cheaper than Men's Wearhouse. Turned out things
were much better priced. The counter lady, a highschooler I presume
named Jenny, helped me to match things. I had brought the suit and
ties in to match a shirt. Turned out that was really hard if not
impossible to do. Nothing worked. But the ties were $10 and $15 that
I looked at. I ended getting 3 ties and 2 dress shirts. One of the
dress shirts is french blue, and with the blue ties it looks really
nice. The other was predominatly gray shirt that with another tie
looked very professional and would make a statement at a first
interview. She said I did a good job picking things out compared to
other people who just come in and do it. She also mentioned I looked
like a soccer player friend of hers. I was very happy :).
Then came back to campus, got a shake (BK closed so that was dinner so
far), and went to go work with Abe and Eric on homework. We finished
both controls and Emag. The assignments were shorter than usual, so
it was a great moral victory. As a break, we took this cool light up
super ball and some other yoyo squishy balls into the Cushing hallway
and threw them down the hall at each other. The hallways are very
long so it was a lot of fun. After finishing Emag homework, I decided
to have some fun with Perk. Yesterday I emailed him trying to get
Emag assignment. He told me the problems and that he was done. I
responded "Wow, I want to finish that later today. Can I borrow it."
He replied back "I burned it." I thought he was joking here. Yet
later when I skipped out after the lab info. for microwaves lab 5 and
went to get it from Perk with Eric and Abe, he then told me he was
lying on both accounts. I had lost time and a chance to get Fay to
help me with things. So, tonight after finishing Emag, I recopied the
original work I had done, wnet with Eric and Abe over to the art kilms
used for cooking pottery, and burned it. Then sent a nice letter to
Perk telling him how when I say stuff and don't include the html
sarcastic tags (inside joke), I mean it. I was and still am quite
amused. Time to go play with my new printer. Much to do tomorrow
too.
Quotes:
Eric in reference to how the Emag book sucks at deriving things
(something we refer to as "hand waving" a solution):
"So we've learned about energy waves, and matter waves, and now hand
waves!"
Me in response to using instructions:
"I'm an engineer: I don't use instructions, I make them!"
C!
Jesus Who?
Long journal! I had many thoughts on tonights theo class.
I purposely did not right in the journal yesterday because I basically spent
all day on the microwave labs. Labs, labs, labs! I spent all weekend on
them. Labs, labs, labs! I am only half way done! Grrrr.. Very
discouraging. I'm never going to get off as easy as I did this weekend
again! And yet, they're still not done. Its some interesting stuff but no
one understands it. Even, worse, I yet again have no one to work with.
It's hard not having anyone to bounce ideas off or ask questions. I'm
waiting for the teacher to tell me "Quit bothering me kid!" I have asked
him questions so many times. I am being so diligent because the labs are
COMPLETELY FAIR GAME ON THE TEST, he can check them at any time, and I'm
behind. Also, I don't know if its something I will do with myself.
Employeers where quite interested with it from what I could tell.
The only fun thing I did yesterday I can't even talk about. I'll just say
I now believe that a fellow friend of mine really was a hammer thrower in
highschool and he proved it!
Theo class was very interesting today. We watched some of the training of
Zen monks, trying to reach "Satorie." Very rigorous, very hard, lots and
lots of meditating. This class definitely makes you think about what you
believe in and why. This American who became a Zen monk did so because he
didn't buy into the whole go work, get married, have kids, two car garage
suburban life gig. If you think about it, there is not a lot of room to do
something completely different in this nation without either having lots of
money, becoming an extremist and being labeled so, or going to a different
culture. I don't like how elders get little respect in this nation where
they can be quite prominent in other societies. Also, I have seen from
other societies that the grandparents become important in the social
education and care taking of their children's children. This tremendously
helps the huge problem the nation has with child care and not having enough
time after work to do stuff. My parent's did a good job with me, I would
love it if they helped with my kids. Straying from the point though, this
monk said "No. You don't have too." I think I would like to see a few more
cultures and reflect a lot more before I could even try and decide if what
is being done in the US I agree with or not. I just know for now that God
(or whatever you want to call him, I do believe something manipulates this
world) has me here for some reason, is making me stick with engineering even
though it will probably lead to me make some materialistic thing which all
religions seem to be against and will just keep my ears and eyes open.
It is also interesting to see how all these religions have survived so long.
They all must have very good reasons to do so or they would quickly die out.
A man who only does good things, tells of his own death and ressurection and
then DOES SO, I can understand why its popular :). Hinduism is based on
thousands of years of tradition and makes the people feel good about
themselves by including what they do and need to do in their religion.
Buddhists? They say, if you reflect enough you find the answer. An
interesting story I caught in the hallway yesterday relates to this. A guy
in my section is from India. He started talking to a guy about Yoga. He
said "This wasn't on TV. I saw this. A guy could go into such strong
meditation that he could fill a baloon with his mind." I will not speculate
on the truthfullness of this claim, only to say that other religions have good
reason to believe in what they do besides Christians. Will one ever win? Will
there ever be an all out holy war? Will some religions just fade away? I
could see India, just like the US, giving up traditions if our products and
stuff keep flooding over seas to them. My roomate this summer was a CS
senior, and was Buddhist or Hindu. As soon as he got away from the parents
this summer, he was doing things he was not suppose to (eating meat was the
big thing). I think this was due to him growing up in the states. The
younger generation always seems to reflect the change that is coming. May
India suffer a smoother with coming of our "gadgets."
As to why I am keeping and still writing in this journal, I now have an
answer. My memory sucks. I couldn't tell you the thoughts I had yesterday
let alone a year from now. I want to remember what I am thinking about,
want to give other people an idea what goes on upstairs and around me, and
to give people some good advice, a good story, or a good laugh. Back to a
little more microwaves.
C!
"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree."
-Albert Einstein
Well I must say the guy who told professor that the first Emag test
was "easy" needs to hide. The last question was so open I thought it
was a design project. With Emag and microwaves being my new enemy, my
Unix prompt has been appropriately changed from "I Hate SigSys" to "I
Hate Emag." This allows me to focus on my enemy whenver at the
computer :).
Had a good discussion with Anne about the whole Fencing thing. She
put it in good terms saying "Whatever provides a less amount of
stress and will make you the happiest in the end" is probably the
best bet. I haved decided to lay off Fencing. If I can do it at the
end of the semester or next year, cool. If not, from all the
accidents I have had it is obviously never meant to be :).
So, to relieve some stress, I am going to BW3s for dinner with friends
tonight. I have been just staring blankly at microwaves tonight and
will probably continue to do so the rest of the day. Time to run
errands.
C!
Yesterday went to BW3s. I am thankful I did. It was relaxing to just get
away from the constant pounding of school and have a bit of fun. Any time
you get to go out and throw a potatoe wedge at Lisa can only be called fun.
After that worked on controls the rest of the night. Lab today was 7 hours
for Controls. Something is definitely wrong with that man. We were making
a circuit on something that looked like a telephone board. It was
"tedious," and a repeat of an electronics lab but much longer. Next
semester's moto: NO LABS! I am sick of them, and the semesters I don't
have any I seem to do better in school. Go figure.
After the lab, I needed to releave stress. I proceeded with Eric with an
apple outside and threw it at Cushing building. Senseless violence. Gotta
love it! Actually, I had no idea else what to do with the aging apple
and Eric just wanted me to make sure I wasn't going to hurt him :). I then
went to talk to my microwaves TA. I am realizing the more I probe, the less
of a clue I have! How discouraging. Oh well. I talked to the teacher
yesterday and he understands that I have not taken Emag II and that I am
trying. From the other people I have talked too most really don't
know what is going on, only some grad students and some undergrad students.
I am OK with knowing I will not get the "A" I have become used to working
for as of late. Talking to Abe today I have come to this realization: This
semester is much harder than I anticipated and could even rival last
semester when I had six classes. I will just try my best and not meditate
on the fact anymore. What happens, happens. I can only try and stay on
the wave, not stop it.
Much to do for me and my friends between now and next Friday. Back to
microwave labs.
C!
Wisdom from Eric:
"The more you probe, the more you realize your TAs don't konw either!"
I will stop writting in the journal until things cool down, then relate any
nonacademic things that happened. May God have mercy on us all! ;)
C!
Objective: To survive the battering of 5 teachers misplacing when
tests, homeworks, and projects should be due while still preserving
the GPA. Though not as many tests as have been seen in the past
there is still as much work to be done as per anyone else.
Status: Mission Accomplished!
Key Statistics:
# of tests: 2
# of assignments: 2
# of formal presentations: 1
# of essays that THEO prof could choose from: 53
# hours spent studying for THEO Exam: 16
# hours spent studying for Controls Exam: 7
# hours spent preparing design presentation: 12
# hours spent doing emag homework: 4
# hours spent doing microwaves homework: 12
Total hours of my life saddly lost this week: 51
I did well on my Theo exam but I know I am already down 5 points.
Controls test was easy, and I got my Emag test from last week and did
just well enough to make the A range cutoff. So now starts break:
YEAH! But I have to study to take the GRE THIS WEDNESDAY: Boo! The
week school starts up means another project, two assignments,
microwaves test (Ahhhhhhhhh! God help us!) which will be lots of fun,
and lab write-ups for microwaves. Can you tell I am just loving
microwaves? I almost pulled my second collegiate all-nighter for the
design presentation. The fact that I have only pulled 1.8 all-nighters and
missed three classes outside of a trip are truly impressive numbers.
Now to relate some things that have happened over the past few days.
I now have a method named after me between my friends and I in Emag
called the "C-dawg" method. It is probably just an extension of
somebody elses stuff but it was fun at the time. Basically it was how
to solve for a curl that is equal to a gradient. Mmmmmm... vector
math. Mmmmmm... Six equations with dependencies on one another.
Yummy. I think on Sunday night I ended up going to eat at Recker's
with George and Perk after work. This was 2 in the morning and I was
starving. It was fun, we reminissed about old Atari and Nintendo
games. I also had the best burger in my life! It was so tasty I even
got a second one. I will have to visit Reckers during the day this
next week when the DINNING HALL CLOSES. Oh yeah, I gotta complain
about this. Our school has over 3 billion dollars to play with, 1 billion
they raised in the last year. Yet monk (monk = Chairman of Board and
Holy Cross member) keeps telling the papers how we have to tighten up the
belt, that the university has been spending a lot of money to be a
high class school. OK. Yeah. Uhuh. No really, all the students
believe you monk, you don't have to keep poping up in the paper to
reassure us this is true. Of course this school doesn't have enough
money to pay for keeping the dinning halls open during the breaks, yet
decides to keep one open and charge people EXTRA to eat there. Our
room and board only cost $6000+ for 9 months - 1 month for Christmas.
Of course the entire student body goes away, even those people who
don't have money to go see their parents 1,000+ miles away. Makes
perfect sense. But I digress.
Time for some thoughts. Here was a quicky that came up: Does anyone
know if j, the imaginary number is even or odd? :). I don't know.
Here is another one:
Why don't we call a milkshake a milkstir since you stir it to make it
and call a stirfry a shakefry since you shake it to make it? Me and
George came up with this one after the last shake I got and I will now
try and correct people whenever possible. Its like some of the
Koan's that the Buddhist have: "Imagine what your face looked like
before your parents begot you ... what is the sound of one hand
clapping... does a dog have Karma properties?" Some interesting ideas
came out of studying for Theo exam. I should mention first some of
the power studying me and Perk did. For one of the longer essay
questions that was to be able to talk about 7 units in a book, we had
a phrase "abbp(not equal sign)nf." Each letter stood for a word.
Each word stood for a phrase. Each phrase gave us the basic idea for
each unit so we could write a paragraph on each. Quite cool. One
thing I can take from the Buddhists is Zen studying. In meditating,
one of the most important things to do is concentrate on one's
breathing. This focuses the mind. Why not apply this to studying?
One problem I have is my mind wanders. If I find myself doing so, I
just stop, listen to my breathing, and then go back to studying while
listening to my breathing. I will eventually forget about the
breathing and just concentrate on what I was doing. Try it
yourselves. It helps.
I also had an insight from Theo studying about engineering. I had
felt bad that what I might do could lead to just creating something
materialistic. This is only true if it works to a bad end.
Having TV is a good way to relax and have some entertainment. It is
not good when the user and the advertisers abuse it. Video games are
fun to waste a little time, not to detach the player from the world
for hundreds of hours. Inventions can help people or hurt them. I
think I know where it is good. George had proposed Biomedical
engineering. I hadn't thought about it before, but it seems more
appealing. What better way to help humanity than to make gadgets to
help heal them? I am not sure what I want to do but I will definitely
be looking at what projects are being done in this area when I got to
grad school.
Theo also has made me look at how other religions answer the question
"What are we suppose to do here?" To Buddhism and Hinduism, the world
sounds to much like just a "phase," literaly. The whole cycle of
rebirth is to just reach Nirvana. So what about this world? It is
just pain and suffering. I find this hard to buy in to. I like how
from a Chrisitian perspective the whole world is a gift for us to
enjoy. I think it can be read in terms of a Christian perspective as
we are here to help one another, love one another, and enjoy it
together in this world God gave us. True, there is MUCH wrong with it
but this is because to many people don't think about what they are
doing. Why is there this pain in this world? I guess it's a test for
us as the Christian perspective would say. Besides, the water is
pretty dull to look at until a stone is dropped in to make some waves.
Well, enough for now. Tonight, I celebrate on a job well done this
last half-semester. Tomorrow, time to hit the books for the GRE.
C!
Well, so starts Fall break. Our school may have some bad logic at times but
8 weeks of school followed by breaks truly is a stroke of genius. I have
never had the money or time to go home (home = 24+ driving or $300+ plane
ticket). Its nice though. Things are slow, I actually get work done, and
I like just having some nice quite time to myself.
Yesterday ended up going to Don Pablo's in a party of 10 to celebrate
Pauline's B-day. It was a nice time. Afterwards, we all went back to
campus to drop some people off, regroup, and head to Lisa's apartment. It
was drink and movie time. To celebrate Friday the 13th, we watched
Silence of the Lambs. This was followed by Goonies, some what, and antics
of George, Perk, Rink, and Lisa. They wanted to pretend that it was my 21st
B-day and have me try a spectrum of different drinks which they had bought
exclusively for me to try (with the drinks being on the tasty and not so
alcoholic side). I had to humor them and did try a lot of stuff which came
out to about the same amount of alchol as in a beer or two. They also
bought two boxes of pancakes. Why? I don't know, "We are engineers?"
I found the pancake antics to be the funnist thing. They had tried so hard
to live up to my open ended definition of "Big Fun." I gotta give them
thanks for trying to help me enjoy myself.
Got up at 1PM, just in time to catch the second half of the ND vs Navy
game. We won 45-14, the way it should be :). Our new QB is showing more
promise and higher confidence. He will need it against West Virgina next
week. The rest of the day kind of just flew by. I am now studying for
the GREs I must take Wednesday. From now until then: hard core studying
(expect little in the journal :). After that, I plan on getting my labs
done for microwaves, working on an Emag project, looking at homework,
studying for microwaves, and trying to figure out what 5/6 schools I will
apply too.
Back to GREs.
C!
As was stated before, I have spent a lot of time studying for the GRE. Did
watch a bond movie two nights ago and "Boiler Maker" last night but other
than that, I have just locked myself away in my room. The Lord always makes
me have to work a little harder. When I got up this morning I went through
a 1/4th box of tissues. Now is NOT the time to not be feeling well. Finally
have taken two practice GREs online. The first one was absolutely horrible,
especially the verbal which I scored below average. The second one was
better, with verbal just above average. The other two parts of the test
are not where I want them to be, almost, but not quite. I noticed though
that the online test seemed to give the same credit to every problem. This
is NOT how the GRE works and the study book I am using stresses doing a
slow quality job the first half of the test. Good for me. I keep running
out of time on the verbal and analytical parts. I hate standardized tests.
If I would have submitted my SAT instead of ACT scores to ND I probably
would not have gotten in. The average is now 200 points above what I got,
wow. It really is true, the students are getting smarter and better every
year. Back to analyzing what I did wrong this second GRE run through.
C!
Wow.... wow. Thank God that's over. We will start the story from last
night. At 8:30 last night I decided that studying anymore was futile
and so did what any other guy would do: ordered a pizza and watched a
James Bond film. I went to bed at 11 so that I would get 9 hours of sleep.
However, I didn't FALL ASLEEP UNTIL 1AM. This happens everytime I have a
major event going down the next day but I have never had it keep me awake so
long.
I woke up at 7:30 on instinct, rushed to get ready, ate, gased the car, and
was on my way. It was VERY FOGGY (foggy = visibility less than 1/8th a
mile) most the way going. I got lost twice. I for some reason thought I
was late and was so stressed I was yelling in the car. Oh, for those
friends of mine who I asked to come and didn't, thanks for nothing! See if
Mr. Dependable is there next time you need a favor (Hey Perk, where's the
eraser?). I must say, Michigan is very pretty in the Autumn. Beautiful
colors everywhere. There was some good humor along the way too. The
Indiana/Michigan border had a sign that said "Welcome to Michigan: Great
lakes! Great times!" :) Also there where these restraunts called the
"Chicken Coup" and signs on two line roads saying "pass with care." as
opposed to being a jerk and driving the person you are trying to pass off
the road, I guess. I got there an hour before hand which is cool because
the guy said I could start as soon as I got there. The earlier the better.
First, went out to buy some asprin for my headache (and anticipated BIGGER
headache), Pepto for my stomach (it seems that eating half a box of cookies
the day before doesn't do your stomach good and gives you nightmares. So
much for the raw fish dinner. Don't you hate it Mom's are always right?),
and Pepsi for caffinene to wake me up (so much for the good nights rest).
The test guy could tell I was a basket case. Oh, the guy told me someone
had showed up at the South Bend test center that morning and no one was
there to let him in to take the test. So much for not taking it at South
Bend (good luck George, hope you got in).
I now understand why the test centers fill up: there were only 9
computers! Every desk was monitored by a camera. It was kind of annoying.
In the beginning where some tutorials that were basically "This is a
mouse," what the test format was like, and some background questions.
I said a prayer before hand and then began the test.
Started with the Analytical, 60 minutes. It sucked REALLY bad. Out of 35
questions, I had to guess on the last 12 because I was going so slow. Then
was Math, the only thing I thought I could do well. The math questions got
hard, if not time consuming. I remember looking up and having 20 minutes
of 45 left and I was not even half way through. I don't even remeber if I
finished all of the last questions. On the practice test I always had 10
minutes left over.
Then I got a TIMED 10 minute break. I ran to the bathroom and sat back
down. Now the GRE gives you three different sections with a 4th as a test
one that you MUST do and you don't know WHICH ONE IT IS. Of course I sat
down to another analytical section, the longest of the three. I am thinking
to myself "God, I hope this one is the real one and that I do better than on
the first one." Still, really hard but I believed it was better than the
first. Then came my nemesis, the verbal section. I am a slow reader and
my vocab sucks. I felt like the questions were easier than with the other
sections but I was still sucking it up.
Then I was done. The computer asks you TWICE if you want to see your scores
or not count the whole thing and never see your scores. If Rink had not of
told me to "never cancel your score," I might have. I had some serious
doubts. I felt like I had been glazed over most the test. I felt as if I
had not a single "argument" type of question right. I felt like I did more
guessing than I did answering. I felt sick to my stomach the entire time.
I felt like I had wasted 100+ dollars :). But I said another quick prayer
"do with me as you wish" and I kept it. The scores came up instantly. I
stared, mouth open.... no way. NO WAY! I started chuckling, and then I
realized no one was in the test room and started laughing out loud! No way!
Even better than with any of the practice tests! My verbal was 40 points
higher than what I had hoped for. I hit the mark! I got exactly what I
needed to meet the standards of practically any school. My biggest grad
school obstacle is over! I am safetly back at ND. Time to have some food
and fun.
C!
Yawn
How nice it was to sleep in and sleep well. I am so much happier now not
having to worry about if I will be able to get in these good schools or not.
Called up prof Akai today. I want to ask him some questions about
fellowships (he himself was a Fulbright Scholar) and things I should be
thinking about, tell him where I'm at. He immediately wanted to know my
scores to which he said "The verbal is a bit if-e, but most places don't
care about that." Its always good to talk to the associate dean for grad
school about what you should be doing.
I spent the day working on microwaves labs. I had many a mishap with the
blue pen I was using. My notebook and hands bear the blue scars :). I
only have to do one more lab before I am caught up. Praise be to God! The
stuff we are doing now is understandable too. We are making a high gain
amplifier that is targeted for 1 GHz. Pretty cool. Very weird doing too.
Am going to dinner in a few, Joy Vann-Hamilton's treat. Gotta love that
lady. So sad she is leaving the MEP to become associate provost of the
university. May she love it as much as she did the MEP. I can't imagine
the next person being as cool.
I must now figure out were I am going to apply. I want it to not be more
than 6 schools. The top three things I have required for a while now are:
1. It must be a top 50 school
2. They must have lots of research I would be interested in since I am not
sure what I want to do.
3. The school must be in an area I would want to live afterwards.
My friends are applying to MIT for the hell of it. I just don't think I
would be comfortable in a school where the best of the best are. I think
I would be competing for the attention of what advisor I choose and that
they are more about the high ideas and not how to teach them; this is
something I have come to appreciate about ND. The teachers are very
approachable and I want that in grad school where it is so important to
have a good relationship with the advisor if you are going for a PhD. I
am hesitant about Stanford and UT Austin for the same kinds of reason.
Just to many people per professor. Oh well, I will spend some time later
actually thinking about such things. Now it is time for food and movie.
C!
more people who did not show and so we went else where. There were eight in
our party. She let us have anything except alcohol. I had part in 4
apetizers, had three strawberry lemondaes, chicken fajita dinner, and an
excellent desert, the apple chimicheesecake. Ummmmm. It was fannn-tastic!
Went back to the eningeering building with George to round up some people to
watch a movie George had rented, End of Days. We usually watch DVDs in this
one classroom but it was locked. Me and Patrick Shay, a cool EE junior
friend I met this year, tossed quarter from 2nd to 3rd floor (interesting
building layout) waiting for a janitor to let us in for a good half hour.
The janitor did not have keys for the room we wanted, so we did something
interesting. The LSC where RN works has a brand new G4 with a flat monitor
screen that is like 24 inches wide, the most awesome computer screen yet
made. We watched the movie there. An OK flick. Nice to see Arnold
Schwarzenager back in an action film.
Yesterday worked on my microwave labs. I AM FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH THEM!
Thank the Lord! Fifty three pages for seven labs and countless hours.
Victory is so sweet. Also went and talked to professor Akai, Associate
Dean for our grad school. I am in good position to get in grad schools.
I probably should just stick with the fellowship I have now (which will
pay for a year basically) as I don't have any research under my belt yet
and competition is fierce for them. However, I should apply once I get in
grad school. He again reassured me that I should go for a PhD. What I
really went to talk to him about was to see what he thought about some of
the schools I was thinking about applying to and to see what else I should
be thinking about. Stanford has always kind of bugged me as a good school
but not one I am sure I would like and he kind of said some things to make
me think that. They really seem more about the money than the students. I
have some friends I will talk to who go there. He said to make sure and
visit schools next semester, to make sure they have good facilities for the
grad students to use, and to steal a grad student or two and see what they
like and dislike about the school. As far as applying, he said the
statement of intent is the most important part of the application. Everyone
who applies will have good grades and GREs, but the committes will want to
make sure that the person knows what they want to do. It also helps to
suggest you wouldn't mind being like them, as in you want to get your PhD
and teach, even if it is not your intent. This makes sense, five years is
a long time to change your mind and you wouldn't believe the tricks/lengths
foriegn students go to trying to get in american universities. He also put
me in touch with a lady who will help me with the application stuff and will
help me in trying to secure wavers in applying to the schools.
That night, went to dinner with Lisa, George, and Pete at some Italian
restraunt by campus. Good food but I understand from Lisa that they must
have new chefs for her favorite dish didn't taste the same anymore. Then it
was back to her apartment. Perk, Lisa and me played a three man version of
Eucer. Close, long game, fun time. I was wanting to go home so I could get
up for the game today. She would not drive us back until Perk showed her
this card trick he did. I ended up walking home. I am no longer going to
friends apartments off campus unless I bring my car.
Got up an hour before game time. I was going to go to Pete and Brians but
forgot that laundry needed to be done. Stayed in the dorm doing that and
watching the game. What a game. It wasn't looking good in the beginning but
then as the luck of the Irish goes, fate happened. The West Virginia
quarterback, who can bench 400+ lbs and has had many injuries and kept on
playing, was taken out accidently when he tried to run and two of our players
took him down. They twisted his right knee. We took advantage of their
replacement quarterback and there horrible job on special teams/punting to
score 5 touchdowns. They came to within 14 at the end but we stopped their
steam with a key play. We won 42-28. We have a good chance of going 9-2
and being in a Championship bowl. Wohoo! Just saw my sisters team, Baylor,
get slaughtered 59-0 by Nebraska. Ouch ;). Well, time for a nap, food,
and then work. This break is now over.
C!
sounds funny. This week sucked but has some interesting events and
repurcussions that will come out of it. First off, I now only have one
more (maybe two) tests and should not have anymore projects until
finals. Thank God! This week was lots of fun because of a prelab
that took like 8+ hours, a design paper for my Emag class of all
things, and microwaves midterm test.
Prelab
We were greeted with our return to classes with an email from our
Controls TA stating that we must do a prelab before lab. Before going
into that, I got my controls test back Monday. I got an 82 and am
very mad, they gave no partial credit which led to -10 for an algebra
mistake and -4, -4 for solving for 1/answer I should have been looking
for. My sources told me that like everyone except 4 people got an A.
I am going to have a little chat with professor. Anyway, so we had
this prelab to do for Wednesday and a homework due today. The plan
was I do the homework (since I had already started) and Eric do the
prelab. It took me like a total of 7 hours to do the homework mostly
just staring at it because Antsak purposely skipped a step that was
needed on every problem (I asked him, he said he wasn't going to cover
it), while poor Eric took hours and hours and hours on the prelab. I had never
dumped work on anyone before like that and it made me feel bad. Eric
pulled two almost allnighters because of that and other stuff this
week. Despite such a long prelab, we were still in lab for 2.5 hours
and the lab write up will take some time. I am rather mad at Antsak,
Eric is too, but he said to think about what Jesus would say: "Get
behind be Satin!" You rock Eric!
Design Paper?
In the spirit of making us think, my Emag teacher, who is a great guy
and about the only professor I would work under if I came to ND for
grad school, decided to make us do this paper. The purpose was to
design a electro-mechanical deivce at the nanoscale level, that is,
features on the order of 10^-9 meters. We did not have to get things
correct, we did not have to say how we would fabricate the device, but
we had to have deminsions and key characteristics. Everyone I talked
to said they spent hours trying to get info for their device and could
find little if nothing. I chose a microphone that was basically just
a varying capacitor. I found lots of info on how to place them and
different types of microphones but not really any equations. I spent
like 15 hours on it all and in the end was not happy with the final result
at all. I did the paper in LaTex though, with figures, a
bibliography, and equations so that made me happy.
Microwaves Test
Well, there it went, the test I was most scared off this year. Reason being
I thought I was the only one lost. God works in funny ways sometimes.
I should first mention about my microwaves labs. By Tuesday, I was
one of maybe two people who was done with them, including the TA who
when I asked if he had finished them just laughed at me! I
am probably the only person who did not do a half-baked job either.
I talked to professor probably 30 times throughout the course of the
semester! Other people were asking me how to do things. So when I
got to the test, I was able to do 2 of the three problems with maybe
minor problems. But then there was this one problem worth a whopping
45 points of 100 that just killed me. I asked the professor some
questions during the test and still couldn't figure it out completely.
The test was suppose to be an hour long. After an hour, professor
looks up. No one had left yet. "I guess I made this a little harder
than I thought so if I gave you another half hour could everyone
finish then?" I saw people shaking their head "No." An half hour later
only two people had left and that was because they had to go do other
things. I left the test with a smile on my face. So much for grad
students and classmates who had taken Emag II!
Grad School
Well, I think I have an initial list that I will start with for
schools. I will have to find much information out before I actually
make final choices but here is the line up to start with (not in order).
1. Notre Dame
2. MIT
3. UC Santa Barbra
4. UC San Diego
5. UT Austin
6. Stanford
Spring Semester Rocks
There was a meeting for EEs yesterday. They department bought $240
worth of Pizza! I had never seen so many Pizza's! They announced
changes to the degree requirements. I now have one class less to
take! Ahhhhhhh yeaaaaah! Here is next semesters schedule then:
1. Senior Design II - Should be more fun than this year.
2. Emag II - A semester long Matlab coding project. Cool.
3. DSP (Digital Signal Processing) - Hard core but neccessary for TI.
4. Mechanics I - Sophmore class off sequence. Need I say more?
5. Intro to Piano - :) I'll take it pass fail too!
We will cut all ties too: Fencing, TAing, etc., except MAESSHPE. We
are going to have some fun! Doing what? I don't know. Maybe we will
pick up some books and learn how to do some C++ and Pearl. This could
only help in the long run. I also have always wanted to take some of
the fun rec sprots classes. Wouldn't it be cool to learn Karate?
Proof
I now have proof that the washing and drying machines on campus are
horrible to your clothes. I have four identical pairs of Arizona
jeans. Two of them were bought last year and two this year. All are
size 36 extra baggy, I hate tight clothes but I like to wear jeans.
The pairs from last year already are starting not to fit and the new
pairs definitely are very comfortable. It's not just a little
difference, its a noticeable difference! Between the laundry machines
and the dinning hall food I can't wait to get out of here!
Elections
My friends have been very active about the upcoming elections. I was
a fool and missed registration for Texas and so can't vote. I don't
want to claim Texas residence because if I go to school or live in
Texas it make many things easier and cheaper. David Rink has
surprised me with how he has stood so firm for Bush. Even when we
logically showed him some of the ideas and things he does are wrong,
contradictory, etc. he comes back with an argument or article that
only shows the same things. I now know I would not vote for either
one. Both are for capital punishment. Here is what I told my friends
in an email:
Hmmmmm.... OK, I am sure that if my child, wife, a family member, or
friend was murdered by someone that I would be out for blood and could not
rest while the criminal was alive. But looking at it from a rational and
Christian perspective right now, we still have no right to say "you must
die." Yes, the person must be restrained and made to think about what
they had done, which by the way I believe is a fate far worse than death
anyway. If I had to be behind bars the rest of my life I think I would
kill myself because the boredom ;). Anyway, yes we are obligated to stop
the person from commiting such actions but we are not allowed to play
God. Also, why do they keep saying "It saves peoples lives?" Are
criminals killing people WHILE they are in jail? I find this hard to
believe, if they are then the sin is on their hands and not ours. Don't
tell me it is because it "discourages people from commiting such
acts" bit. If you really want to kill someone you probably don't care
about the consequences anyway.
Gore I think is just wrong, Bush has some ideas but doesn't seem
capable. Why must it come down to between two people? Why is this
all that the US has to offer? Why aren't third parties invited to
debates? It doesn't matter if they are minority parties, they are
going to remain that way unless they get some coverage. The media
is always about the big story that fail to just report the facts
anymore and give an unbiased and truthful portrayl, it's so stupid.
If they were asked to submit an article to a technical journal they
would put an F on their paper and send it back saying "Go back to
school!" I hate the media. Its just mass mania gossip. I often
wonder how much of the story do they really don't know or understand.
Oh well. Tonight, we have some fun. Tomorrow, we go to the game.
It's nice to have a little fun every once and a while and that might
happen some more now once I get the grad school apps out of the way.
C!
1. Texas Residency makes school their CHEAPER.
2. The first email was accidently sent out before anything was put in
it.
C!
24 hours of fun
Ahh, what a nice 24 hours. Yesterday after class I basically did nothing.
I went to the computer lab with the intent of getting work done, and did
actually do one thing. However, it ended up being a time to talk to friends
and help people with an assignment I had already done.
I then went with Eric to help him pick out his senior ring, along with
Lisa and George. Most things are standard about the ring, the official ND
sides and such, but he picked a blue stone, ND on the stone, and polished
sides. It was then off to Great Wall for some excellent Chinese food. If
Asian students go their, it must be good! :) Then back to campus to take
care of a few details until going an hour early to wait to see an Hypnotist
act. We got second row (first was reserved) and center. Perk got on stage
as one of the 15 starting people but he could not be hypnotized. I later
read that not everyone can and particularly those who cannot concentrate
for a long time for whatever reason will not be able to be hypnotized. I
would have to guess that all engineers are immune to this :). One girl
did fake being hypnotized well for a while, three other people woke up at
different times. The rest were very amusing. It was two hours of fun. I
had a real good time. My face hurt when I left :). I would recommend
anyone going at least once.
Then it was time to go to Perk and RN's party. The theme was some kind of
"What is your political ideology" and the first twenty people could have
a communist or capatalist badge made for them. With the huge ball pit in
their room, their could never be more than like 20 people in the room at
any given time. A LOT of people stopped by though. Many I did know, many
I didn't know. I had some fun too. I was drinking this 40 of ROOT BEER
as there where many of them there for the guests, but all my friends and
everyone kept bugging me to drink. What I ended up doing was taking
whatever alcoholic drink people might have in their hand, take a swig, and
give it back. I did this 5 times and it amused people. Of course I played
in the ball pit too. Left at 2:30.
Got up at 8:50 to do laundry before the game. Got done at 11:30 and went
with George to do my first tailgating experience ever. It was boring ;).
We didn't find anyone we knew. Glad to see I had not been missing much
the last four years :). Before the game, I got to go on the field! The
Fencing team from last year was being honored for their accomplishments
last year. We got to see the team not more than 5 feet from us warming
up, the band up close and personal, and had a good view of the hawk
demonstration that Air Force did.
The game was painful to watch. We were not rolling over Air Force as we
had hoped to do. The refs also were giving us some BAD CALLS. Seriously,
Bob Davie and his assistant coaches were in the refs faces when they
miscalled something right in front of where Davie was. I thought the game
was over when Air Force was getting ready to kick a field goal to win the
tied game with 3 seconds left. But, the kick was BLOCKED! Air Force then
in OT got a field goal but we scored off a reversal option on our go at it,
despite ANOTHER bad call by the refs! ND 34 Air Force 31! The candle
light dinner was nice atmosphere. The deserts tables were inside this
huge coffin, there were black lights, a lady up on a rise inside a coffin
dressed as a vampire, raspberry moose desert, and they even gave you candy
on the way out! Cool, cool.
Time to do some homework though. What a nice time.
C!
Confusing times. I don't know what I want to do with myself in grad school
and the time has come to start choosing schools based on that. I am also
being discouraged around every corner. From finding out that my 16 hours of
studying got me a grade less than what I expected and less than other people
who for one reason or another could not devote as much time to studying, to
stories of fellow EEs who dominated the GRE, to the stories of friends I
know who are being accepted into engineering societies, and so on. Grrr...
I went to mass though and there was a nice parable about a blind man. We
are all relatively the same. Don't judge some one just from one aspect but
the whole person. The priest gave a great story about the blind
valedictorian who graduated my freshman year.
Why am I doing engineering? I have to stop and think about this again
before I go to grad school. That question was answered firmly sophomore
year on 3-28-99 at 12:33.38PM and was answered as follows:
"While doing a triple integration by parts problem in Modern Physics,ch7,
prob 16, I discovered that I like the challenge of learning and that I look
forward to being an engineer 3-28-99 12:33.38PM"
I must revealuate this as I don't want to be wasting my time and a
universities' resources because I don't know. Lets look at the causes.
I definitely like having to think. I want to build something. I don't
like the current "staring at books and not understanding things" situation.
Granted, the controls book is horrible and emag is hard. I don't like that
I work so hard only to do worse than other people, this REMINDS ME TO MUCH
OF FRESHMAN YEAR when I was really getting fed up with it all. I will note
though that I am not the only one working hard or hardest. Eric Blair is
the hardest working person I know, but he doesn't want to do engineering any
more. How sad, my idle is quiting. I would actually correct him whenever he
did something that was wrong for "him," not necessarily what I would tell
other people is wrong; like if he was late once, or stopped caring about a
problem when he shouldn't. Why? Same reason you would tell a hero when he
was doing something wrong, they don't do that. But I can't blame him. He
is finally tired of it all. He wants to go to Law school or be a preacher,
two very noble professions especially for him. I just hope he doesn't
confuse school engineering with real engineering, which after doing three
internships I could say he would be good at. Why are some people so good
at "faking" the work? Its hard to watch people doing such things for years
now.
I must mention the work. I wouldn't mind, in fact I would like, the work
I have been doing these four years except it never ends. I have spent not
just days, but weeks and even a semester or two where I did nothing but work.
I am not exaggerating. Gone from the dorm all day everyday. Up on the
WEEKENDS both days at 8AM so I could get to the lab and work on stuff; and
then I wasn't even doing everything the teachers were expecting, aka skipping
most the reading. I can counter this though knowing that in industry you
can do your 40 hours and go home. Sure you may have to stay late sometimes,
and if you are an important person you can be working a LOT more time that,
but at least you get rewarded. Thank God I have done internships. They
have shown me another side to engineering, the non-academic. This is why
I don't want to teach at a university. I would be putting kids through the
same torture. Also, I don't care what people say about "Oh, professors can
pick the times they wan't to work, low stress, they have so much
flexibility." It's a lie. I have seen professors killing themselves trying
to do proposals, research, classes, a family, and many extra interests. I
can usually expect to see my professors on the weekends and even at times as
ludicrous as midnight. It is even harder if they don't have tenure. If all
you want to do is work all the time, then cool, power to you. I would like
to be able to keep up with friends or a family, workout, play some
instruments, church, and do some kind of community service. If I am not
doing all this at any given time, I am not happy. It's cool that ND has
instilled me with this sense of direction. Now I want time to do it all.
Hmmm... other topics of likes and dislikes. Oh, my sense of devotion and
love for organization have always been good for me. These are not most
important for engineering but are good qualities to have. Now let me look
at everything I just said. I think I am just sick of undergrad and its time
to move on :)! Woo hoo! I am still an engineer. I don't if I go for a
PhD or not. I am going to get at least a Masters and see what this whole
grad school thing is about. God did not make me as good as say Eric Blair,
but if he threw a fellowship in my lap we will go with it, shut up, and
enjoy the ride. I am glad I thought this through. I feel much better now.
As far as today goes, worked on some Emag and Design stuff. Theo
we started learning about Judhism. Again, interesting. I like the idea
that part of the religion is actually arguing about the interpretation of
things. One is not trying to win the argument but collectively solve the
misunderstanding. It looked like a bunch of New Yorker's arguing though.
Funny stuff :). Yawwwn. Yikes. Time for bed already. I always say to
myself "This is going to be short today" but instead they get longer :). I
swear, people freshman year said I was so quite. I must have not felt
comfortable for I talk more than some gossiping hens!
C!
Ahhhk! Woke to a letter I did not expect to see this morning from a friend.
I should clarify my thoughts in the last journal. I saw things bothering me
yesterday but was happy to go to church and have the answer revealed to me.
I thought about grad school as a written meditation and in the end came to the
conclusion I was sick of undergrad work. The end result was a good night of
sleep. Mmmmm, sleep. However I will complain about one thing: Why are the
bathrooms in one of the few climate controlled dorm so freakin cold in the
morning? This we will not ponder but take to the RA. One could freeze to
death in the shower and no one would know until they were found defrosted later
in the spring.
C!
Both my microwaves and my controls profs decided they would
wait until Tuesday and Monday respectively to give us prelabs for
Thursday and Wednesday respectively. Between the prelabs, the labs,
and a hell of a microwaves assignment (14 pages) I have lost another
30 or so hours of my life. Eeek. I will say though that they were
probably the coolest labs I have ever done. The controls lab, we
were given equations to describe a motor, beam and ball system. We
were to design the control system that would keep the ball balanced on
the dual rail beams at whatever desired position. When after 13 hours of
work I punched in the lucky numbers that finally made the ball move to
the center of the beam with only one adjustment by the system, Abe's
draw dropped and I smiled. My microwaves lab was to design a matching
network for a transistor, we had modeled last lab, to transmission
lines that could be connected to a source and load. In short, we
built a high gain amplifier that works at 1 GHz and the $200,000
software said "Looks good!" It will be built by the TA and next
week we test it. Things are now back to normal now and maybe I can go
back to keeping a daily journal!
In other news, George showed what a good friend he is. I won't say
why except to say "Thanks George." I need to go back and take care of
a few events I forgot to enter. This Halloween, the dining hall was
all decorated as I mentioned before, but their where tombstones
everywhere like "Here lies John" and such. I can only take this as
proof that the dining hall food kills :). I also found out Monday
that one can draw a pumpkin face out of circuit symbol components.
Use an inductor for each eyebrow, a + and - for the eyes, a diode for
the nose, and two resistors for the mouth. Try it next Halloween!
Also, during break, the night I ended up walking home, Perk had called
and left me a message. I did something to annoy him (all in jest) and
so he wanted to call the people you report harrasment too. I gave
him my phone number and he called it and left a very humorous message
as he was a little tipsy from his wonderful "Kool-aid" (Perk has low
tolerance :)). I played it for him this Tuesday and he didn't
remember a thing. If anyone wants to hear it just let me know. Oh,
another thing I forgot to enter a debate I had with Perk and
George over break. Perk was trying to figure out what to design for
this nano-electronic emag project we had to do. George was convincing
him why he should do this thing they called "Death Dust" as a new way
to kill people. I was not happy with the idea of creating something
that morally wrong. We pondered over it for a while before coming to
a cool conclusion. It is OK to publish such ideas as anything
invented can be used for good or evil. A computer can be a wonderful
tool but could also be used toward destructive ends for example.
Also, very destructive ideas can lead toward good things. The atomic
bomb is not a good thing, but it has laid much science down in nuclear
physics. Nuclear power plants, despite the fear the public has for
them, are an unbelievable source of power and this science could lead
to fussion, which could lead to an endless source of power for
humanity. So, publish the ideas no matter the applications. It could
be stopping the seeds that lead to our greatest insights. However,
were it is good to design a gun it is not good to build it and go
out and kill people with it so note the difference.
Time for bed. Its been a long week. Only six more before this
semester is over.
C!
seeing how things are going with her. We both might end up in Dallas this
summer, so that would be fun. After class, went out shopping! I tried to
get some new glasses. The frames where $159 that I ended liking and they
said that the lenses would be like $80. Plus, they where having a $75 off
frames and lenses sale. Now, this sounded like a great deal. However, by
the time they added in anitglare lenses and a two year warranty it was $260!
That was with the discount! I made an excuse to call home and double with
my father that this was ridiculous and left using the "We have to check with
our insurance" bit. I did call hoping to find out that the insurance would
subsidize this but once again TriCare proves useless. I really need to get
a job and my own insurance but that is hard to do when you are signing up
for like another 5 years of college.
After that, went to J.C. Penny's. They were having a BIG sale. Everything
was marked down and then you got take another 10% off. I got three pairs
of Cargo Khaki colored pants for $45. Woo hoo! Then Abe (who was with me
through out all of this) and me went to Meijer to get some essentials. I
got this Mr. Wizard outlet plug-in thing. Like the glade plug-ins but it
uses liquid and lasts like 60 days. My room now has a nice raspberry smell
to it. As RN would say, "Fan-tastic!" Then back to campus to hang out in
Abe's room for half an hour before going to Papa Vino's, sponsored by
MAESSHPE! It's great being VP and being able to decide "We are going to
go eat off campus." What a meal. I had half a loaf of bread, soup, Cala-
mari, the Sizzilini (skillet spaghetti with chicken, veggies, and spices,
excellent stuff), and then desert. I did not make it through all the desert
as I was too stuffed :).
Then back to campus as it was time to work. Abraham, Eric, Perk, RN, and
two junior CSE friends of mine where the only other soles in the computer
lab on a Friday night. The juniors had brought speakers and where blaring
MP3s. RN had brought chips and cheese. If not for the fact that we were
all doing homework you would have thought it was a party. Awesome. Well,
today must lay rest to two homework assignments and figure out this weekend
where I am going to apply for grad school.
C!
The weather has started to turn at ND. The wind blows hard, its cold,
and the blue skies are gone. Besides the outside changes, much is
going on with me. This weekend, and up until about 6PM today, I had
to make decisions on choice of school, choice of class, and most
importantly choice of specific discipline in electrical engineering.
I kept oscillating back and forth on different things like a GHz
clock. I talked to friends, professors, and squirrels (well, not
really). I tried thinking very hard, flipping a coin, and praying. I
think I have made up my mind. Here are the results:
Discipline:
Circuits, systems, microwave circuits. In other words more of a
systems guy. Don't get it wrong though, there is always overlap
everywhere. Professor Fay for example builds his own circuits because
he has had an incredible amount of solid state study. This just gives
me a general direction for now. Also, it gives me a chance to build
things, use cool software tools (if not help write them, I will stay
away from that if I can for now), and deal with some theoretical and
math enough to make a person puke! Very hard core. :)
Schedule:
1. Senior Design (required)
2. Mechanics I (required)
3. DSP (required)
4. Research with Professor Fay (I'll ask him tomorrow :*)
5. Intro to Piano
6. Intro to Guitar
7. I might sign up and sit in on another class or two!
Next semester should be cool. I can easily drop things if I am not
having any fun too.
Schools:
Mom, Dad, sorry. I'm going to California! It turns out they have a
lot of good schools that do stuff I like.
1. Stanford
2. UC Santa Barbara
3. UC San Diego
4. UCLA
5. Notre Dame (back up)
6. UT Austin
These schools all have enough stuff to do that if I change my mind
there will be plenty of options. I have started filling out forms
and getting ready recommendation envelops and such going. I will hand
out recommendations tomorrow. Thank God this week is light.
I would write some more but I must continue the applications. I will
catch up later.
and Jesus up at the airport. They weren't there. It really sucks
because I missed the email telling me not to go by 20 minutes and I
left Eric when I actually could discuss something with him on the
Control's assignment. This semester makes me sick. Literarly! Just
thinking about it all could make me puke! It's not just me. Perk is
going to have his hardest week probably ever next week. Eric is
getting no sleep and is still playing catch up. Eric is now the most
bitter and "jaded" engineer I have ever met. Mr. Always has a smile
and manages to amuse us even when things suck isn't smiling anymore.
We have 5 weeks of hell left. God have mercy on us.
Again, the torch of next semester gleams at the end of the tunnel. I
am doing research with Fay now. He told me to take Emag II even if it
is just Matlab. So I am exchanging DSP for it. After thinking about
it, I will only have 10 hours of class time, two of that are music
classes, another a tutorial, and NO LABS! Two of the classes are
research and just trying my best, two are learning instruments,
another is Matlab, and the last just can't compare to other engineering
classes I have had. Perk is holding me to my words that "If I complain
next semester about to much work, please slap me!" If it is not fun,
I am going to take lessons on fun because something is wrong with me!
Of important things to talk about, got a flu shot. It has stopped
aching so that probably means I am good for this season. On taking
the car out to get George, I listened to what might be potential
problems with the car. I now notice three things. The struts ache a
little when they take bumps (the front ones). The brakes like to
squeal sometimes but today it was a high one, much like when brakes
are wearing out. However, the breaks still work just fine (not like
mushy when breaks start wearing out). Also, when pulling out, the
stearing aches a little when turned very far. This Thanksgiving break,
I want to take it somewhere and get a check up. Don't know where
though. That's it for now. Time to go sleep off a frustrating day.
C!
exciting has happened to write about. Thursday, I spent 6 hours in lab
getting the amplifier to work. When we left, we still were not done
but at least the amp worked. I then went back for three hours today
to finish. The chinese group finally got their amp working then.
Their's worked very well. I later today went back and looked at the
requirements for a good amp design on prof's web page. I don't think
we meet all the specs for a really good grade and I don't even know if
we can fix our amp anymore. I have spent to much time on it and other
things are nagging at me to be done. It sucks, because it working well
seems to be the most important part of the grade. It doesn't matter
how much effort before hand went into it all. However, this is the
professor I am getting recommendations from and doing research with.
He has also always given the undergrads in the class at least a descent
grade so hopefully it will be alright.
Got a nice letter today from the insurance of the person who hit me this
summer. It basically says "We don't believe your hurt. Take this $200
or nothing." I really don't know if it is a problem or not anymore since
I have no time for physical activity or to go see a doctor again who will
just tell me stuff I don't want to hear. I am sure I still do have problems
though but will take the money. My parents already told me they called some
lawyers and they said they would not take the case. My insurance will cover
up to $2500 so at least there is that.
Another quality day. I might as well go do the latest lab write up. I have
a lot to do this weekend. At least there is the football game.
C!
Funny quotes I saw today:
*It's all fun & games until someone loses an eye. Then it's a game called
Find the Eye.
*If there's one thing I admire it's courage. Wait, not admire, like. And
not courage...Taco Bell. Yeah, that's it.
two oppoenents, both are not even ranked, We are going to a
championship bowl. This was also the last home game I will see at ND,
at least as an undergrad. Maybe when I am rich I will come back like
the alumns do ;). The game was fun. The seniors were VERY rowdy.
About four people fell on me, I smelled alcohol in the air, and the
girls behind me were sporting T-shirts that said "Kegs and Eggs" with
a sunny-side-up egg on each, uh, "hugh tracks of lands" to quote Monty
Python. I was unproductive last night and this morning in
terms of work. Last night, took care of some minor details and looked
up info. on writing a statement of intent. Got up at 10:30, 11 hours
of sleep! Didn't mean to let that happen but its been a stresful
week. Did laundry and wrote up some stuff for design. Now am going
to write up an IAR for Design and study Emag. Tomorrow, must write a
statement of intent and study Emag.
C!
to the engineering program. It's funny because of all the people who saw me
carrying the thing across campus at 12 at night not one ever bothered to ask
"What are you doing?!" In other news, I resisted the urge to go see
Charlie's Angels and have thus been productive. Got the basic paper work
filled out for Stanford and put together letters and envelops to give to
professor's for the last of my recommendations.
Heard back from Professor Fay. He agreed that it would be a lot of work to
get the amplifier optimized. But wait, it gets better. He said that this
was the FIRST TIME he had actually had the boards made up for each group!
It has caused more problems than he thought. So he said he will be lenient
on the grading of them! Woo hoo! If I can just get through the Control's
labs and a paper, things will be cool. It paid off to rub my arm on RN's
for good luck, mister "Every thing is just perfect!" I have become
convinced I am aligned nearly opposite of whatever stars RN is in tune with
but I sure do think he is a great guy.
I made a big step today, I wrote a first draft of my statement of intent.
It turns out that early in the morning is a great time for insight.
I have had three people proof read it so far and I like it a lot. I will
have professor Akai read it tomorrow. If the man who has to READ THEM FOR
ND likes it, then it should be just fine at any other school.
Time to do some Emag studying.
C!
saw our first snow fall yesterday. It is now cold, wet, and windy.
Always an excellent combination! Theo this Sunday was very
interesting. We watched a film on Luther, the man who started
Protestant religions. It was very informative. The rest of the class
we talked about differences between Catholic and Protestant
religions. This is the type of stuff I wanted to see in this class. It
definitely is making me question why I am Catholic vs Protestant, but
I have no time to think about that right now. Monday morning went to
the doctor to get forms signed for insurance. I know my back is still
not right. I cannot pick up heavy things without bothering it (such
as Tim), and the muscles in my neck are usually stiff and
have done some funny things. It was fortunate I went then as I am feeling
sick too. I started coughing this weekend and Monday morning my
throat hurt. They are checking to see if I have strep throat again
(every year now) and I will find out today if I need medicine. The
rest of Monday I spent doing a little bit more for graduate school and
then studying for Emag. Our Emag test was just earlier. I started
off panicing as usual as I flipped through the test and realized I
could only do one question, then doing that question which re-established
confidence and started to pick the others off. All in all it was a hard
test. Teacher is out of the country in Japan this week so someone
else proctored the exam. This was dumb because we always have
questions about what he is talking about.
Also, he put a question on their that was from the next chapter which
HE SAID WE DID NOT HAVE TO KNOW! I don't like his tests. They used
to be some theory and then seeing if you knew how to work things out,
which was cool. Know it seems more like "What obscure question can I
put on the test that most people will not be able to do?" We had an
entire chapter on dielectrics and capacitors and he didn't ask a
single question about a capacitor! I now must take care of a very
hard lab. This week is going to be very hard for my friends. I am OK
but will be doing a lot of work on my own.
C!
Now, its great that RN is such a great fan that he would want to be
the sole subscriber to the journal list, but this is just not right to
everyone else. So, I have convinced him to
share. So everyone has been added again. Truth is, the LSC (LSC =
Library for Scientific Computing, as in where RN and Brian Barrett
work) has been making some modification to code that are in some of my
paths. So all kinds of screwy things have been happening to my
friends and I: unable to print, loss of the cool Eterm windows, and
looks like my journal. I have pasted the last two journals at the end
of this one for those who cannot summon up the effort to open netscape
and go to the journal page ;).
I have been working on a prelab since yesterday for Controls. I am
still not done. We have values that work but don't know why and I am
not going to use something I don't understand. I am now taking care
of other classes. Dr. Akai got back to me and we will go over my
statement of intent on Monday. I have not heard back from any schools
about waviers so I am just going to pay the damn things and be done
with it. That means must get everything completely done in the
applications, adjust the statement of intent for corrections +
personalize them for each university, and get them out Tuesday I
hope. We shall see. I want them out of the way already but we must
take care to do a good job as usual.
Got a haircut rather spontaneously yesterday. At the time, it was a
neat look the stylist called "bed head." Short hair style with gel
and you kind of mush the hair so some parts stick up and others
don't. Much like my normal haircut but a bit cooler. It will
necesitate short hair so haircuts may need to be every 2-3 weeks
instead of 3-4.
I am definitely loosing my mind as of late. Yesterday I did
somethings that were just so ridiculously stupid I had to laugh at
myself. I need this semester to end, NOW. It is driving me up the
wall. I still feel a little sick. I have been fighting it with
orange juice, multivitamins, and zinc pills. They have done me well.
What I really need is an unreal amount of sleep. Well, time for bed.
No, wait, work. Duh. This is exactly what I am talking about!
C!
11-12 15:53:I have solved my problem of not having a comfortable chair in my room thanks
to the engineering program. It's funny because of all the people who saw me
carrying the thing across campus at 12 at night not one ever bothered to ask
"What are you doing?!" In other news, I resisted the urge to go see
Charlie's Angels and have thus been productive. Got the basic paper work
filled out for Stanford and put together letters and envelops to give to
professor's for the last of my recommendations.
Heard back from Professor Fay. He agreed that it would be a lot of work to
get the amplifier optimized. But wait, it gets better. He said that this
was the FIRST TIME he had actually had the boards made up for each group!
It has caused more problems than he thought. So he said he will be lenient
on the grading of them! Woo hoo! If I can just get through the Control's
labs and a paper, things will be cool. It paid off to rub my arm on RN's
for good luck, mister "Every thing is just perfect!" I have become
convinced I am aligned nearly opposite of whatever stars RN is in tune with
but I sure do think he is a great guy.
I made a big step today, I wrote a first draft of my statement of intent.
It turns out that early in the morning is a great time for insight.
I have had three people proof read it so far and I like it a lot. I will
have professor Akai read it tomorrow. If the man who has to READ THEM FOR
ND likes it, then it should be just fine at any other school.
Time to do some Emag studying.
C!
11-14 13:07:Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow<\end music>. We
saw our first snow fall yesterday. It is now cold, wet, and windy.
Always an excellent combination! Theo this Sunday was very
interesting. We watched a film on Luther, the man who started
Protestant religions. It was very informative. The rest of the class
we talked about differences between Catholic and Protestant
religions. This is the type of stuff I wanted to see in this class. It
definitely is making me question why I am Catholic vs Protestant, but
I have no time to think about that right now. Monday morning went to
the doctor to get forms signed for insurance. I know my back is still
not right. I cannot pick up heavy things without bothering it (such
as Tim), and the muscles in my neck are usually stiff and
have done some funny things. It was fortunate I went then as I am feeling
sick too. I started coughing this weekend and Monday morning my
throat hurt. They are checking to see if I have strep throat again
(every year now) and I will find out today if I need medicine. The
rest of Monday I spent doing a little bit more for graduate school and
then studying for Emag. Our Emag test was just earlier. I started
off panicing as usual as I flipped through the test and realized I
could only do one question, then doing that question which re-established
confidence and started to pick the others off. All in all it was a hard
test. Teacher is out of the country in Japan this week so someone
else proctored the exam. This was dumb because we always have
questions about what he is talking about.
Also, he put a question on their that was from the next chapter which
HE SAID WE DID NOT HAVE TO KNOW! I don't like his tests. They used
to be some theory and then seeing if you knew how to work things out,
which was cool. Know it seems more like "What obscure question can I
put on the test that most people will not be able to do?" We had an
entire chapter on dielectrics and capacitors and he didn't ask a
single question about a capacitor! I now must take care of a very
hard lab. This week is going to be very hard for my friends. I am OK
but will be doing a lot of work on my own.
C!
can now be felt at a -40 dB and climbing. Which we all know how log
plots act. I just finished the write-up for my microwaves lab today.
The lab took an hour but the write up took 5 hours. I now have 102
pages in my lab notebook. The most I have put in a single notebook by
far! One more lab left in that class. Today was not so painful since
two of my classes were canceled.
Funny bit from RN's journal:
There was a HIGHLY unscientific poll done which asked "You are in a
boat with 10 other people, who is thrown overboard first?" and then a
list of professions / descriptions was given: Doctor, Old Lady, Teacher,
Child, Scientist, Minister, Engineer, Pregnant Woman, Entertainer,
Cook.
28.62 % chose to dump the old lady first. < 6% chose Doctor, Engineer,
or Cook. I don't know what that says about human nature and
priorities, but frankly, I don't care. I'm nice and dry inside the
boat....
The other people realized that the engineer is probably the only one
who can fix the boat if it should break, and who else would make the
things they need such as electronic gadgets and mp3s :).
Went to an IEEE/Eta Kappa Neu meeting. Mainly for the free pizza and
to heckle my friends Rink and Perk, who are in charge. It was funny.
George, who is a CS major and cannot even join, kept asking them how
they can be an official club if they are not open to all students,
which ND requires of any official club. I was not invited either,
frankly, except by George. I guess I don't make the GPA cut-off
still. So sad. If you look at my first three semesters of grades at
ND, it is not very impressive. If you look at my last three
semesters, there isn't any honor soceity I couldn't join. It does not
bug me though. I know I am on the same plane as Perk and Rink, and
the rest of my friends. Besides, when I invent something key and all
these soceities are offering me awards, I will tell them were they can
put them :).
Time to go home and change the mp3 on my afs space. They are growing
stale to the ear.
C!
I met the TA in the morning to find an answer to an interesting question.
Eric had not had any sleep and so was literaly nodding off right in front
of the TA and me :). It turns out that the system we have been trying to
control is not in much need of a controller. IT ALREADY MEETS JUST ABOUT
ALL THE SPECS.! However, the simulation vs. the actual deivce would be
a little off so we need to add a controller. Controls I am beginning to
realize is all about approximations. You can't design an exact system at
all. You can come up with a model that gives you a good idea of what to
expect and then must change it in the actual implementation. Knowing how
to change it comes with experience.
So we finally got a controller we liked and ran down to the lab to do the
experiment. It is this motor with a beam,that can flex, on top of it. So
when the motor rotates 45 degrees, the beam will too, plus a little extra
wiggling because it is attached to the motor by springs. We about broke
the darn thing on our first try. When we hit RUN, it quickly started
doing full circles! We turned it off before it ripped the attached cord
out! Turns out we had not corrected for a voltage input, we were giving
it a phase input. So instead of saying "turn 30 degrees" which is like
2 volts, we were saying "turn 30 volts." Ooops :). After that, I had to
go do community service with MAESSHPE. I got to main circle at 3:29.
It turns out though we were suppose to meet at 3:15. Ooops again. I had
no idea where it was. So I moved on to my next task for the day,
necesity shopping. My watch band was breaking so I got a new one. I
bought stuff like soap and such and spare ink cartridges. I was surprised
to hear that my sister's printer (same as mine) had already ran out of ink
a month ago. So I wanted to be prepared. The silly cartridges ran me
$34. Oh well. Then back to campus to eat dinner with Erik. I helped
some other people with their controls lab. I then ordered Erik to go to
sleep. We were going to do homework but I knew he was too tired. He had
about 3 hours of sleep the last three days. He still wanted to call
people and go run but I told him to go to bed instead (he ended up
sleeping for 14 hours). I then spent the rest of the night "LaTex"ing the
lab report. For those who
don't know, LaTex is a kind of word proceesor were you write your report
up like computer code and then compile to give a postscript paper. LaTex
allows absolute freedom of formatting, works well in including pictures,
makes it easy to write up complex mathematica formulas, is free, and is
Anit-Micro$oft. I gave up at 1:30 AM. I got back to it at 12:00 today
and finished at 1:45. The stupid thing has a lot of pictures, code, and
equations. 22 pages total. Thank God the last lab will be easy.
This weekend will be spent doing Controls homework (as if I hadn't had
enough of Controls already, geez), catching up on some reading, and
polishing off graduate school applications minus the statement of intent
(which I will get to talk to Professor Akai Monday about).
C!
Well, another weekend draws to a close. Not much got done. Controls
assignment was impossible. However, as far as gradschool applications
go that is another story. I am done reapplying for GEM PhD (not much
different than what I have now but could get me a job with another
company like HP or IBM. TI is backup :) ) and it is going in the mail
tomorrow. I have already paid three school applications with two more
to go. I have at least double read all the applications. I looked up
again exactly what needs be done for each school, finding interesting
little requests that schools have that I did not see before. Some want
stuff sent two places, some want photocopies of grades and GREs (to a
second place as well), one school wanted ME to mail letters of
recommendations instead of the profs themselves, another school requires
I fill out the FAFSA, and so on. They really need to standardize this.
It is more so a pain in the a$$ with these six schools than with the
ten schools I applied to for undergrad. I get to talk to Akai tomorrow
about my statement of intent. Hopefully he doesn't tear me apart to bad.
Then all I have to do is customize the statement of intent for different
schools (should be just changing a line or two), print them out on their
respective forms for different schools, and then I can send them out Tuesday.
It sure would be great to have them out of the way. This leaves me 2-3 weeks
to get stuff turned in if it turns out they tell me something is missing.
The deadlines are as early as December 15th. Doing this also leaves time for
me to add more schools or scholarships if I so choose. I could easily whip
one out in a day once I have completed the others (Truthfully, I even have
spare official transcripts on call!).
Theo was cool today. Learned about Islam. A very "This is absolute and no
other option" kind of feel to it. God spoke to Muhammad, Muhammad spoke this
out to the word what God said, scribes wrote down what Muhammad said to the
letter, and so there is no error in what must be done. Very appealing to an
engineer :). I don't like the idea that by the time Muslims are old, they
develop a mark on their head from all the praying. That sounds like one to
many bad cases of rug burn! I have been thinking about all the traditions,
rituals, rites, and such of all religions. It brings up the question: "What
if we are all wrong? Not about God, but about interpreting what God wants us
to do?" I find it hard to get into the "spirit" of just about anything
religious. I have started looking at Jesus on the cross throughout an entire
mass, just so I could concentrate on why I am there and get some insight. I
don't know if it has helped or not. I do have something that I believe
I will always stick to though. That is, Jesus. From the religious respect,
HE IS God. No misinterpretation in what is being said, because God Is saying
it. From the nonreligious respect, here is a man who has never screwed up
once in His life. He really should be the model for everyone if you believe
in God or not. What better goal than to try and live a life the very best
you can- not perfectly. We can never do that. Anyone who says they can I
would never believe. Be it from old age, ignorance, being weak, being
sinful, or just bad luck, you are going to screw up some time.
It's 11. Time to get to bed. I want an early start tomorrow so that I may
rock Controls, rock the applications, and still catch my first "RN's Monday
movie madness," (M^3) showing Officespace. PEACE OUT!
C!
I go home, directly in my line of sight. Not looking forward to it, but
I guess we will take the "ripping off the band-aid" approach as time will
not halt. Four more weeks and it is over. I can actually make room for
whatever I want next semester, I just need to pick what I want to do.
It has been snowing all day. Looks like 2 or 3 inches on the ground. It
is now hard just walking around as the wind and snow always seem to be
blowing at a 90 degree angle in your face. Am I really so bad in applying
to nearly all California schools? :) True, you don't get seasons, but you
have one: nice all the time. You want snow? Go to the mountains to ski.
You want fall? Take a trip to the East to see the relatives. California
just makes sense. ;)
I saw Akai today. He gave me some revisions to do and told me to send
another copy. When I answered him about the first deadlines being
December 15th, he said that was lots of time. Strange, all the palces tell
you to get it in early. I thought it made a lot of sense to get them in
early so you can get anything that was missing in without being late. The
applications clearly say that if you want to be considered for financial aid
everything must be in on time. I guess that in truth it is for their
convenience so they don't drown in literaly thousands of applications :).
He will look at it again sometime this week so that I may get them out.
Oh, I found out today that the two extra score reports of my GREs I
sent to schools I did not know I could include at test time, and had paid
an extra $40 bucks to send, I will probably have to pay again. I sent them
to the school in general, not the specific departments. I am so pissed at
ETS for not telling me:
1. At the test I could have sent score reports to as many schools as I
wanted to for free.
2. Only stating that you cannot change anything about the score report
order instead of important things like make sure to send it to the
specific department.
3. Leading my friends to believe they HAD to register for the subject
tests a MONTH in advance (they missed the date by like 6 days)
where as for the general test it can be done the day before the test.
4. Not telling me that if Satan had taken the test they would have
managed to screw him over too.
ETS has really pissed me off, start to finish. Hopefully I can call UCLA
and ask them to lift a finger and send the stupid things from the MAIN
building to the ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING building. Grrrrrrr.
On talking to Akai, he made corrections to my statement that were
explanations or excuses to either soften them up, remove them, or make the
outcome stronger. He then went on to tell me about being assertive. It
was something like this.
"You will not get through grad school without being assertive... They
don't call it a defense for nothing. You have to be able to defend your
ideas. Whether it is a battle with the thesis committe, or the day to day
clash with your advisor, you have to learn it. You are doing cutting edge
research that no one is really sure how to approach. Your professor are
very critical not because they are bitter but because that is what they
have been trained to do. Don't confuse it with being mean. Yes, some
people are overbearing, but you have to stick up for yourself. If you
don't know the answer, then you don't."
I think that was most of it. I think sometimes I am too assertive, such as
when I am in a group project. Other times I am not, like about social
events and girls. Stuff to think about. Well, time for bed. Tomorrow we
find out if Thanksgiving break will be cool or hell (homework assignment
day).
C!
be recounted. Received back two tests Tuesday. I rocked my Emag test
along with Perk where most the rest of the class was no so fortunate.
We have solid A's in that class. I also got back my Microwaves test
which the class took 4 WEEKS AGO. :) The grade distribution instead
of being a Bell curve looked like foot ball field posts. The mean was
a 68, I got a 67. Not to happy about that, but I have never taken a
test where there was three problems and I sat blank at the one that
was worth over half the grade. My lab notebook does rock for the
class, this is the professor I am doing research with next semester
and who is writing my recommendations, and who has not given like
below a B to undergrad in a while so I will just let that one work
itself out.
My teachers all thought it would be fun to give extra fun homeworks
over break so I have a helleva lot to do. Thank goodness for break.
In funny antics yesterday, George, who is a brilliant guy and who is a
computer science major who has to solve lots of puzzles, could not
figure out a typewriter :). I guess it was to mechanical for him. He
figured it out but the whole thing was funny.
They closed my beloved South dinning hall today and I was forced to
eat at North dinning. I hate South. I don't like the atmosphere, the
decorations feel "fake" to me, and the food quality is always poorer.
However, I found out they have one thing that South doesn't, a pasta
grill. It would have been really good but I ended up putting green
peppers in it. I can now say that I really don't like green peppers,
blah.
Have spent today doing grad school applications. Four of them are in
envelops ready to be mailed. I will wait until Perk finishes his so
that I may check to make sure I have everything, then mail them out
Friday (all except UT). I have already checked over things like three
times but we will continue to be patient. All this means that my
statement of intent is finally done. It has more than ten read overs.
It is on version 4.0, which is a template that I can use for most my
schools. Here it is in its full glory.
Statement of Purpose
Christopher Sanabria
Ever since high school, I wanted to know the answer to the
question "How do circuits work?" My undergraduate work has given
me a strong base with which to understand the answer. I have
seen many basic circuit configurations which I analyzed and built
in electronics labs and classes. However, I desire to learn more
and I believe graduate school is the place for me to do so.
I know that industry is not the answer for me. I have worked
three summer internships thus far and they have only served to
show that a Bachelor's degree is not enough to be able to perform
research. My goal is to do research, make discoveries, and build
the prototype; it is not my goal to figure out how to optimize
what someone else created and mass-produce it.
In particular, high-speed circuits is a field I want to pursue.
Making circuits go ever faster and making systems transmit
extensive amounts of data, be it monolithically or wirelessly, is
what I want to learn about and pursue. Professors at XXXX (such
as Dr. XXXX and Dr. XXX) do research in this area. What makes
XXXX one of the most attractive schools for me is that the
electrical engineering department also works with nano-devices.
I realize there will be a need to understand the new rules of
physics at this level and many new devices will come out of this
field. I want to learn about these new technologies and make
high-speed systems from them.
My academic performance in electrical engineering has been
excellent. My professors have told me that Notre Dame is a more
theoretical school than many other undergraduate programs, so I
believe that my transition from undergraduate to graduate school
will go smoothly. I have not yet had the chance to carry out
research with a professor due to a broad base of classes and the
necessity to earn money during the summer to pay for
undergraduate education. However, I have commited to do
undergraduate research next semester for Dr. Patrick Fay, one of
my recommenders, who teaches the microwave circuits class I am
currently taking. He has planned for me to design a test fixture
for photodiodes to test transmission of digital data at the 30
GHz range. I will then assist with other projects later in the
semester.
I am very dedicated, communicative, and easy to work with. My
efforts have already secured me a GEM fellowship to pay for the
first year of graduate school. After I earn my PhD, I hope to be
a professor at a research-oriented university so that I may
continue my research and teach.
I am very proud of it. Thanks for all those who read it over (Perk
gets the gold star award as I think I had him read it 4 times). Don't
worry about how absolute things may sound. They don't expect you to
predict exactly what you will do with the next five years life.
Having the confidence to say so, and showing that you do know what you
are getting yourself into, is what they expect to see.
Time to finish UC San Deigo stuff.
C!
of me eating trukey at the Smith's house. It was a nice day. Awoke
at 11AM. Took care of minor details before meeting in O'Neill lobby
to drive everyone to Joe Smith's house. Joe was my roomate the last 2
years. We now have singles on the 4th floor catcorner from each
other. I have been to his house for Thanksgiving before, along with a
bunch of other kids, and had a blast. There was only two extra
visitors this year: Charlie and me. Charlie is a 19 year old Physics
major who is a jr. already. Perk should see him in Quantum mechanics
II. I drove the three of us plus Ben, Joe's brother who also goes to
ND, to the house. It was a nice winter day, very quite and serene.
Joe's parents have a very nice house in a neighborhood of similarly
nice houses tucked away in Grainger. Once settled in, me and Joe
went out back to look at an open fire in this neat metal base that his
parents had going. We were knocking down some large icicles with
snowballs when the other two guys came out. Then Gab, a third Smith
brother who is about to go to college, also as an engineer, thought he
would try and play sniper from the balcony of his room. We pelted
him pretty good that we got snow in the open sock drawer, his stereo,
and behind his dresser. Oops :). We then had a great thanksgiving
dinner. I ate so much I had a stomach ache for three hours. Oh yeah
:). We then watched some football and then Indiana Jones: Raiders of
the Lost Arc. After that, we headed back. I Worked on laundry while
watching the other two Indiana Jones movies :). After that, tried to
work on the MIT application. Yup, I think I'm going to apply their
too now. They definitely cost more for grad school than any other I
have seen. I hope the GEM fellowship pans out.
Today I have been trying to work on Theology. VERY slow going. At
least I am finding where to look and starting to collect ideas. I
will continue this tomorrow and Sunday if need be. This is my last
required Liberal Arts paper I will ever have to write. It also counts
1/3rd the grade for a class where the teacher graded our 11 essay
midterm by going through each and looking for eight SPECIFIC words in
the essays. He also has a grading scale 100-96 A, 95-92 A-, 91-88 B+.
I got a 91. I am very mad about that but I will leave it to God to
work it out. It is a Theology class after all ;). Back to work.
C!
Fiesta bowl. Way to go team! Bob Davie is up for coach of the year.
Got up this morning to get Pauline and Nelson from the airport. I ate
a bad apple this morning, I think, which has caused me a lot of
greif. As soon as they met me and we headed out to the parking lot
my stomach started to painfully hurt. It has since hurt all day.
Alka-Seltzer, Peptobismo, and more food have done nothing to help it.
I have been working all day on my Theo paper. Making much better
progress than yesterday where after near 10 hours of staring at stuff
all I had to show for it was 3 pages of notes. I am now about half way
through. I hope I can finish it tonight. I mailed off 4 applications
today. I would have got ND's out but the post office doesn't do
campus mail!!?? Oooook. I THOUGHT I was in a post office but that's
alright. The applications must be signed for and a card mailed out
saying "yes we got it." That should idiot proof administrations from
losing them :). It cost me $30 in all, not bad. Back to the paper.
C!
now realizing, that there is an incredible amount of work to do in the
next 10 days. I have successfully conquered Theo. It truly was the
hardest obstacle left this semester next to finals. It is 6 pages
single spaced and took to full days. It is a response to five
questions and I have included it at the end. I would recommend
reading it only if:
1. You are extremely board.
2. You have lots of time on you hand (aka none of my college friends)
I saw my RA today {RA = resident assistant, one in each section of the
dorm}. He immediately said, "Wow, its been like a month since I have
seen you." Proof yet again that I spend way to much time in the
engineering building. I got a similar reaction from another guy in my
section before.
My friends are stressing. Eric says he has more work now than ever in
his life. Perk says likewise. George is bitting his nails out about
where to apply. I told him to just go with all of them since he is
not sure about school choice, see what pans out, then go and visit
before even worrying about it. He is now applying to 8 schools. I
myself am up to 7 schools and 2 fellowships. I spent most the day
working on MIT and a fellowship for Bell Labs. I shouldn't have to
spend any more mass amounts of time on applications. Just get some
recommendations to profs, send out three more manilla envelops, and
check to make sure things are all received by schools. Now it is time
to get cracking on the last of my assignments. As far as I can tell
this is what is left before finals:
1. One more Controls homework
2. Design work.
3. Design paper and presentation.
4. Theo questions for the final (2 essays).
5. TWO more emag assignments.
6. A Controls lab + prelab. Grrrrrrr...
7. A microwaves lab
8. TWO microwaves assignments
From what I understand this is only a moderate load. I think its a
lot of &($# to do but I know my friends have it worse, especially
Eric. Ten more days of class and then start the study days and finals.
Cynthia sent out some questions to the RN journal that I just could
not pass up to answer. Below are here questions and my responses.
> 1. Why would employees be receptive to marketing on the internet?
We are computer geeks. We sit in front of a computer more than 8
hours a day. Our backsides match the contour of our chairs. If an
employer is trying to get ahold of technical people, they are 90% more
likely to catch them by email, get a response back, and hold our
interest than by phone or mail.
> 2. Why would employers want to use the internet?
See above.
> Have any of you actually applied online and have you gotten any
offers?
I didn't even have to apply. Because of data collected from events
such as symposium and career days, I have been extended several
interview offers. NASA, Lucent, and other less know companies.
Graduate schools have emailed me trying to get me to apply to their
schools.
Well, time to do Theo questions and Emag. Three more weeks of hell
then I can go home to all the movies my parents got on sale the day
after Thanksgiving at a really good price that I have not seen! Woo
hoo!
C!
THEO 287 Reflection Paper
Chris Sanabria
In terms of its four permissible life goals, how does Hinduism compare and contrast with Christianity?
Hindu's allow four life goals in the samsaric world of the death and rebirth. These are disclosed in the Laws of Manu.
The first two that will be mentioned allow for paths of desire and are exclusively a man's goal, for it is seen in the
Hindu religion that women can have no desire apart from duty.
The first is Kama, which is pleasure particularly through love. Some Hindus associate a God with its presence, also named
Kama, and there is even help for one who pursues this goal. It is understood though that in this or another existence
the follower of this pursuit will come to realize that pleasure is not enough and that they really desire something deeper
and more satisfying. Artha is the acquisition of power and material objects. It requires being ruthless and tough in
seeking great possession, power, and influence. Again, it is an adequate aspiration but it is accepted that the follower
will come to see they are not seeking the highest goal.
Dharma means "to sustain." It can be understood as religious and moral law and is the standard for a more meaningful
and satisfying life than Kama and Artha. Followers are completely faithful in carrying out prescribed duties and are willing
to give up personal pleasure and social success. Finally, there is Moksha, release or liberation which is the culmination
of the first three. It is the one and only ultimate and completely satisfying goal, Nirvana, salvation. There are three
paths to attain it, a way of works, a way of knowledge, and a way of devotion.
I believe that Christianity does not include the first two goals as acceptable life goals. One should always be striving
to be like Christ. This does not leave room for worldly pleasures and material obsessions. Christianity does not shun
love, orenjoying the greatness of the world, which has been given to humankind as a gift. However, pursuit of them is
not a "goal" of Christianity.
I do not think that Christianity and Buddhism necessarily agree or completely disagree about Dharma. Christians do have
rules to follow. There are the 10 commandments, the most important commandment "You shall love the Lord your God with
all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind" (Matthew:3.37) and then the teachings of Jesus to follow.
However, God does not intend for us to follow a book of laws. This was one of the reasons for the coming of Jesus: to
put down all the misinterpreted, half-heartedly followed laws that had been laid down before His coming and to replace
it with one written not on stone tablets but on the hearts of men. Dharma would seem more comparable to the laws followed
by the Jews but even then it is not a matched fit. Hindu's follow the Dharma to increase their Karma, not necessarily
from the goodness of their hearts, which is what a Christian is suppose to do. Therefore, Christians do have spiritual
and moral rules to follow, but not in the way that a Hindu would and not for reasons of Karma or to guarantee salvation
(I will not go into the "does faith alone save or are works needed" debate here, but later in the paper), but just because
as Christians trying to walk in the foot steps of Jesus it is what they should do.
Also in terms of Moksha, there is some agreement and disagreement between Hinduism and Christianity. Both are for seeking
salvation. Both would have similar words to say about this end goal: freedom, liberation, bliss, a realm that cannot
be described adequately by human description. For a Hindu follower, most important about this salvation is freedom from
the wheel of rebirth, which has no comparison to in the Christian faith. Another important difference is how to reach
this goal. While a Christian is expected to lead a life following that of Jesus, this does not grant salvation. It is
a gift, a grace, from God. In Hindu, this is not the case. It can be earned and there are three ways to reach this salvation
as mentioned earlier.
In terms of "conversion" how does Theravada Buddhism compare and contrast with Christianity?
Let us assume that the subjects to be studied here are either both monks in their proper religions or are both very devote
followers of their religion. It may then be assumed that the followers have decided to change their lives to live it
in such a way that is characteristic of the doctrines of their religion. This insures that there has been conversion in
each person's life and allows a good comparison and contrast of the two religions.
Both will try and root out the evil and unethical within themselves, and to help others in the world with the evils and
problems they face. A Christian monk or priest would give mass, provide community service, and be active with the people
around them. A Buddhist monk can provide services too, such as the one in the class films who was a Chemist/Doctor who
helped the public. Both will meditate or pray (as the case may be, more on this in section 3) for hours to better themselves
and seek enlightenment, yet for different ends as will be seen. Both try to put away any fears, distractions, or tensions
that had been in their lives. Both give up many worldly pursuits and joys. Both are seeking out truth, a liberation
from ignorance, peace, and a new loving view of the world and are trying to reach the next stage be it called Heaven or
Nirvana. Ultimately, in the end both are trying to achieve salvation in this world and the next.
As there are many similarities there are equally many differences. While both will develop a new form of true love for
self and others and everything in the world, that love is very different. A Christian will develop an altruistic love
, which is unselfish welfare, concern and love for others, self-sacrificing. A Buddhist will develop a general and universal
love. This general love is impersonal without any dependence or passion for anyone. Because this love is general, the
follower is not open to suffering and will not incur any of the pains that love can bring. This does not mean that the
Buddhist follower will not have a real love for the world around, indeed he or she will have a compassionate love for
all beings. It just will not be altruistic.
These two followers will now have a calm, peaceful, "zen" outlook on life but it comes from different sources. The Christian
will see the world as a gift from God and love everything in it.; the Buddhist will see the world for what it really is
and be at peace with it.
Now it was already said that the ultimate goal for both followers is salvation. The ultimate goal is the same but it must
be discussed a little more. Salvation in this world for the Christian is devotion, a relationship with God, versus for
the Buddhist salvation being that of enlightenment and the compassionate love of all. Salvation after death for the Christian
means no longer being afraid of death compared to a Buddhist who no longer has to worry about redeath and rebirth. I
feel that the descriptions of Nirvana and Heaven are about the same particularly since neither one can be described by
any living person.
In conclusion, what I feel is the most important comparison between the two religions is how salvation is attained. A
Christian conversion requires walking with Christ, becoming a disciple of Jesus and heading together on the journey of
life. A Buddhist conversion requires walking alone towards a salvation that is earned rather than being a gift from God
.
For those who take seriously their call to be disciples of Jesus, what role should meditation and contemplation play?
We are on a quest or journey. We are looking for a deeper, loving, union with God and Jesus. To guide us, is spirituality
. Spirituality is the plan or method to help us on this journey by promoting growth of one's loving union with God and
other human beings. Spirituality is carried out through prayer. Prayer is communication with God. It arises from the
entire person: mind, heart, emotions, etc.
There are many forms of prayer. It can be a private secluded prayer from the heart, the gathering of people singing praise
to God, and many other forms. In particular, mental prayer or meditation is one of these forms. Not just any meditation
is prayer that will help us in our spirituality. Day dreaming, which is merely random thought or an expression of boredom
is not considered prayer nor, for a Christian at least, is Zen meditation which seeks to show that there is no God. One
must qualify this statement.
Mental prayer of a contemplative nature is essential to a deeper union with the Lord. According to the Christian faith
, God dwells in our deepest self. Meditation and contemplation makes one come into communion with God through reasoning
, and since it is through reason it is a higher form of prayer than any of the other forms of prayer, such as emotional
and public prayer. They bring emotions and/or random thought into the communicating channel between God and the individual
, clouding the connection.
Through meditation and contemplation one focuses letting go of all fears, anxieties, and distractions leaving the individual
with complete control. It causes a deeper state of conscience and an awareness and union with God. No other form of
prayer causes such an engagement of one's faith and love with God than can be experienced with concentration and meditation
. This is why it is seen in all the world's great religions. Islam's pray many times a day, Hindus and Buddhist monks
meditate into very deep states, and Christian monks pray and meditate to a great extent. All of these embody some form
of meditation and contemplation to varying extent. For a Christian, meditation and contemplation should play a daily
role for those seeking a closer relationship with God. With practice, one will become closer to God.
From each of the religions studied during the semester, what are some values you might want to embody in your life?
I will not touch on the Catholic faith since it is my own religion and I am already taking away values of confidence in
the church, love of Jesus, and others from it.
The Hindu faith seems filled with much tradition, myth, and taboo. The cast system goes against everything I believe in
religiously and, since I live in the United States, my political views of democracy too. However, there was one aspect
of this religion that I liked. This is that the religion was so incorporated in the followers everyday life. They bathed
daily in what can be seen as a daily spiritual cleansing. The food they ate is sacred, and the world around them is sacred
. I would like to have this deeper appreciation for the things around me. Also, I like how the way of knowledge has the
four stages, ashramas. One is a pupil, then householder, then hermit, and then, if they so choose, Sannyasin. To have
a social structure to be able to do this I think is wonderful. Then everyone has the chance to get in touch with God.
It is sad that here in the USA most people must spend their entire lives working and never have the chance to learn to
be with God is a drawback of our time.
I did not like how the Jewish thought that God could have a dark side. He may have a plan and we may have to overcome
many obstacles, but I think most the evil in the world is of our own designs. What I did like about and would like to
take away from this religion is the active engagement of arguing about interprentation. This is more a Protestant allowed
activity than Catholic, but I think it would be OK if I explain properly. After mass, everyone leaves and says, "That
was a pleasant service." However, I have never gone home and said "What did the priest mean about that?" My friends
and I debate about many ideas but I don't think religion has come up enough. Discussing what has been said and ironing
out issues I want to do more. Also, I like the sense of community that these people have. They have been through more
punishment than any other group in history (need I even mention the Holocaust?). They really did seem to be a tightly
knit group from the films.
Islam is strange to me. How come I hear so little about such a powerful group? I thought these people had more confidence
in their beliefs than anyone. There is nothing to dispute from their scripture, it was copied exactly from Muhammad and
is the direct word of God. I want to be able to have the same level of confidence in what I believe and in the scriptures
as they do.
From Buddhism, I would take meditation, but not the belief of nothingness. I have come to apprecaite the value of having
a little time to myself each day to forget about everything else and just concentrate. It helps me feel better and I
hope to be able to bend it toward growing in union with God.
I like the Protestants for helping me to see that the church may not always be right and when I feel that this is ture,
listen to myself, the Holy Spirit I should say, and look to the scriptures for answers. The Protestants are not correct
to bypass the church but very correct in saying we should have faith and listen to God ourselves.
What can Catholics and Protestants learn from each other about what it means to be a Christian?
Let us first look at the differences between these religions. The Catholic church has held that it keeps the tradition
passed down from the disciples of Jesus and strives to remain true to what Jesus has taught through the hierarchy of the
church, the traditional practices (sacraments), and the scriptures. Through the authoritative teachings of the church
, the scriptures, and tradition it holds true to the foundation laid down by Jesus. Catholic tradition is coequal with
scripture as a source of truth and authority over Christian life. The church claims to have the sole right to interpretation
of the scriptures. Catholics believe that Jesus communicates to us centrally and necessarily through the mediation of
the church. The church does not believe that justification rests on faith alone, and that good works can procure God'
s grace. Priests are not allowed to marry.
Turning to the Protestant religions, they have their foundation in the Catholic monk, Martin Luther. During his course
of life he became disgusted at the church with its luxuries, misinterpretation of the scriptures, and selling of indulgences
. He turned to the scriptures as his source of guidance. "The just shall live by faith." (Romans 1:17). He came to
believe that faith alone was sufficient for salvation. God was not made gracious by good works, God is gracious of his
own being. I like how Noss put it, "Gratitude, not fear, is the spring of Christian life." (Noss pg. 499). "The church
" refers to the hierarchy of Pope, bishops, and councils in the Catholic church, the scriptures, and the tradition; however
"the church" refers to the community of the faithful whose head is Christ for Protestants. Protestants believe all are
saved completely by grace, there is no cooperation by the person. Only by faith is one saved and the most fundamental
way to develop union with God is the scriptures. There is no mediation of the church, the only authoritative way to interpret
the scriptures is through the Holy Spirit, so God speaks directly to the people through the Holy Spirit and scriptures
. Priests can marry.
The Church can learn much from Protestants. The Protestant reformation woke the Catholic church to the reality that they
had strayed from the true meanings Jesus had taught, which did lead to a weaker but better Catholic church. The Protestant
view of the individual speaking directly to God is flexible in helping people become closer to God. One now must reflect
on the Bible and see what it really has to say. As can be believed, two different people reading the same passage will
take with them a different meaning with neither one being less correct. The Holy Spirit helps people to interpret it
correctly where the church could confuse the message. For example, the Catholic church really does not have anything to
fear from Darwin, it just adds a piece to the puzzle, but still says nothing about what actually caused everything to
exist in the first place. Saying that the Genesis writings which were target for an audience from nearly 2000 years ago
was suppose to be interpreted literally was incorrect. So misinterpretation on the Catholic churches part has blurred
the message of God. The Protestant church has more freedom in taking the word of God anywhere. Martin Luther himself
painted a nice picture. Suppose that a company of Christians were taken to a desert, and did not have a priest among
them, and were to elect one of them to preach, to baptize, to celebrate mass. The man would indeed be a priest. In cases
of necessity every man can baptize and absolve, which would not be possible if we were not all priests. The Churches
Holy authority would not help these people if they did not have a priest among them, nor in the case if they did have one
for in the future a new priest would be needed. It is not wrong that the scriptures should be authority on how to be
a Christian.
I think that it is an advantage that Protestant ministers can marry. This means they can have children to carry on the
"tradition" in their own way, as children tend to pick up the trades of their parents (as I recall there is a shortage
of Catholic priests). This also adds a sense of family and community which I think the Catholic church is missing. Being
Christian should not mean celibacy. I don't think it is Christian to not want to bring new life into the world, the Catholic
church believes that every life is precious, why does it not contribute to what it believes in?
The Protestants also have much to learn from the Catholics. The reason that the church as it is understood in the Catholic
faith was formed was to try and preserve the teachings of Jesus. People are not infallible, this is true. However, they
have been selected, through divine intervention, to continue the faith. Having an entire organization of people who devote
their life to trying to understand and preach to the world the message of God is amazing. Jesus taught the disciples
so that they may carry on His message, and the disciple wrote down this message and taught it to the founding fathers of
the church so that they may carry on His message, and it has carried on through the centuries. Through the Holy Spirit
they teach His message to the best of their ability. We all cannot devote our lives to this pursuit, the world would
not support itself. But having a few select to teach the rest of us how to listen to the Holy Spirit and to search deep
inside ourselves for God makes sense. The church allows for great discussion about the new problems that face the world
and to have a strong network with the purpose of serving its fellow man and teach them about God is necessary.
As for faith without works, there is something that a Protestant should come to see. If one has faith and has had a deep
and meaningful relation with God, how could they not then want to help and serve the rest of humanity, to praise God,
and teach about God? If one has faith, they will change and live a different life, what most people would consider a good
life, than some who only says they have faith. Christians are called to respond to God. Works do not grant salvation
but are definitely required.
helps when you had 5 slices of Boston Cream pie with your dinner and
with Beethoven's 5th beating down on you to get you motivated and
bouncing off the freakin walls. Graaaaaaaaaahhh! I have been abuzz
with work all day, zipping everywhere. I have been so intense that I
thought my body would pull itself apart just from the tension in my
body. I have conquered yet another foe. I played Special Teams with
my Design group so to speak. Even after having delegated much of the
work I did since last report to other people for reports I mustered
together many loose ends to add more than three pages to my groups
design paper. Including some nice pictures I made in xfig. Rock on!
This week will indeed suck but I should not need to be up as late as I
am tonight. I will beat ND! Moral victory. Time for bed!
C!
ME - 1 ND - 10
C!
that is, it was a humorous way of showing how wrong I was 2 journals
when at the end I said "I will be ND." It turns out the luck of the
Irish has granted them yet another victory, over me! I thought I would meet
with my design group from 7PM to 9PM yesterday to put the report
together. Turns out we went from 7PM to 4AM. Blah. I was getting
mean too (hence why I don't like to stay up excessively late doing
homework) but my group members found it funny instead of offensive.
We spent three hours alone tearing apart literarly every sentence I
wrote of my part. I assume to much about what the audience knows and
do not explicitly state things. As Perk put it, "You have been
looking at this stuff for a semester and know it really well. Your
audience does't though. You have to write like you are trying to
make the dumbest person in the world understand what you are trying to
say." Perk said that when I write my journals and when I wrote the
Theo paper, I do write clearly the points I am trying to make, just
not in my technical writing and I think this is why prof Bernstein
thinks my writing is so horrible. I do not want to give up all the
fun things I would do next semester to take a stupid writing class.
Talking to Tim, we came to the conclusion that I should write up
everything I do for research under prof Fay next semester in the
journal too. This will give me lots of practice and will make any
reports I have to do sin-fully easy to write.
I would be up even later tonight if prof Fay hadn't have been so
cool and given me and Chris Russo (guy I do microwaves with who is
quite an interesting guy) an extra day to do the assignment. Homework
and stuff left to do now:
1. Controls lab
2. Controls hw
3. Microwaves lab
4. Microwaves homework X 2
5. Emag hw
RN got a job with Cisco today. For those who don't know, Cisco is the
company that makes the routers that make up the backbone of the
internet. Their president I believe is richer than Bill Gates now and
their stock is worth a LOT. This once again proves how stupid GPA
is. Not once in the three interviews RN had was it asked. They did
ask him a question about some C code which RN of course knew what the
answer was but the interviewer said most people didn't. I think that
when I go to grad school I will be quite prepared because of how
rigorous ND is. I probably will not know how to build things like
students of other schools but I will have a broad base of electrical
engineering ideas I will have been exposed too and a mind that now
likes to see the "Why?" of a derivation rather than "How" to use it.
Well, time for bed. I hope I can get the micrwaves lab and a homework
out of the way tomorrow.
C!
from lack of sleep. I had to do microwaves lab today. It was all
about noise and how to predict what ranges of signal power could be
detected. Quite impressive that your car radio can pick up a signal
on the order of 10^-17 Watts! Design presentation went well today
despite John, one of our group members with the others being Rink and
Perk, not even showing up. He was only doing the intro and end so we
winged it. He never even apologized, how sad.
Microwaves assignment would have been an all-night thing. However,
Chris Russo came through again. He got answers from friends who took
the class last year which were VERY similar so instead of literaly
being up all night I can go to bed in like an hour from now. Yeah!
Now only a control's lab and three assignments left to go. Once they
are done, we hit the books hard for the theo test next Sunday (aka
memorize to the word approximately 30 questions on a screwed up
grading scale. Geez) followed my Emag final the next morning (Monday,
the 11th). Then I have the 12th and 13th of December off, with the
13th being my birthday. Then controls Thursday the 14th and lastly
microwaves the 15th. Yahoo. Then I GET TO GO HOME AND FORGET ALL
ABOUT THIS BAD, BAD, SEMESTER :).
C!
were the least of my worries, including the last lab, are taking for ever.
I ended up having to help my group with the last Control's lab and doing the
writeup (7hours lost there, 5 just for the silly write up!). I spent 6 hours
doing 2 of 6 Control's problems yesterday. The rest should be as much fun.
I cannot wait to go home. Geez.
In terms of non-academic stuff going down, let me see... tried to install a
new version of Matlab on my laptop. I am trying to get a full version of
Matlab with Simulink and toolboxes so that I can make full use of my laptop
during grad school. I already had student version with Simulink. Now I have
a student version and no Simulink. I just can't win and I give up trying.
I found out that notebook hard drives are coming down in price. Looks like
I could get 18Gigs for $200. This is spectacle on my part right now. A new
hard drive could very well mean re-installing everything and losing data but
it would be worth the risk to have more space for stuff and to be able to
dual partition the hard drive so I can have Linux on the thing too. Speaking
of storage problems, I am running out of AFS space (AFS = the virtual memory
all students have on the network to store stuff). I have 400MB. I will ask
the professor I am doing research for to get me a Gig :). Brandon Moore has
set up some space for me of his 1.5 Gigs, so I put some music their so I
don't drive myself insane with a short mp3 play list these last four days.
Tried Red Bull yesterday, a power drink that is basically pure caffinne. Me
and Abe were in the computer lab working on Control's lab when this girl came
over to just me and Abe, none of the other (foriegners at that) people in the
lab. She offered us to free samples. We were completely confused and she
didn't look half bad and so basically said "uh-huh." I didn't want to even
try it but George was curious later on to do so, and so was half the rest of
the lab (this later when all the CS juniors and my friends had returned to the
lab). I took just one gulp. My head immediately felt lighter and think my
finger started to twitch. It tasted awful. I then messed with my head for
the next hour and decreased homework performance. I will never try such a
thing again. Blah.
I saw Joy yesterday, the wonderful lady who had been MEP director and is now
Assistant Provost. She has an office that kicks a$$ on the 3rd floor of the
main building. She has her own private secretary. Wow. She was happy to
see me. I filled her in on how bad the semester was and about all the grad
schools I was applying too. She said she hoped to see me on the cover of a
techie magazine some day and hoped that once I had all that money she could
go shopping with me ;).
I have more but will save it for later when the homeworks are done. L8r.
C!
Great joy and exaltation. Life has been good these last three days. I was
officially done with normal work for the semester at 1:30 in the morning
of Tuesday. I have done much to have fun. Monday night, I watched Willy
Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I had not seen it since being a kid.
Many lines that only an adult could appreciate and find very funny. It was
great. Tuesday got more grad school stuff done. I also bought Highlander
on DVD for a buck due to a $10 gift certificate from buy.com. Long story
there not worth telling. Tuesday was my last day of classes, all of which
were boring and one I even wisely skipped. Then that night, went to Eric
Blair's relinquish of command over the ND NROTC cadets. Thank God. May
that boy sleep now. If you looked at all the sleep he has gotten in the
last week it is like 10 hours. INSANE! I then immediately went to BW3s
for wings, then came back to campus to watch our 10th ranked Irish Bball
team in rare form playing the worst game they have probably played in 3
years. What a horrible display :). I thought Tim was going to break me
in 2 he was so pissed! Then slept in until 10AM Wednesday. Made my way
over to the cluster to see how Eric was doing on the homework and stuff he
still had to do. Then went and had a nice lunch with Anne Burns before
going off to what was my REAL lunch: Papa Vinno's paid for by Abe in
thanks to my efforts on the control labs. Chicken Fettucine. It was
Eeeeexcellent! Then hurried back to campus to watch a lab demonstration
by professor Fay. He showed on a spectrum analyzer how one could look
at the TV, AM, FM, and cellular signals that are just everywhere in the
air. It was neat. Then a quick dinner with Perk and Pete at BK. I was
still full from lunch :). Polished off the MIT application. It goes out
tomorrow, then only one more envelope needs to go out for grad school.
Woo hoo. I then went back to the dorm, did laundry, called mom, and have
spent the last couple hours expanding on my 80s and probably doubling my
classical music mp3s collection :). I have 1.86 Gigs now. I really need
to burn the stuff onto three CDs. I will watch the Thomas Crown affair
for a little bit and then go to bed. Tomorrow, after a good nights rest,
I hit the books for Theo and Emag tests. My finals week is now:
Sun Theo 7PM
MON Emag 10:30AM
THUR Controls 8AM
THUR Microwaves 12 if not earlier
As can be seen, its a "one-two, one-two" combo punch. I got Fay to let me
take Microwaves Thursday instead of Friday. That way, I can be done when
all my friends are done and then spend a day or two with them and offer
rides.
I have to stop and look back at this semester. One word comes to mind:
Blah. Why? The Controls teacher was to vague, gave long labs, and long
homeworks. Theo class turned out not to be as cool as hoped for because of
the teacher. Microwaves was a lot of work in bursts. Grad school stuff and
my indecision on what to do took many extra hours. I had to drop all my
extra curricular activities. I could not work with friends much because
they all had seperate busy agendas and when everyone wanted to "have fun"
never seemed to line up (aka I wanted to work all the time). Many good
things came out the semester too. Meeting Chris Russo has been
inspirational some how. I hope I can be half as cool as him some day. I
got to help out Eric Blair and other friends many times. I made friends
with the junior CS and EE majors. I also now have an idea of where to turn
to in grad school. I don't care if I can't see five years down the road,
just so long as the ship is starting out in the right direction I am happy.
If I go for a PhD, that's cool. If I get a Master's, fine, just so I stay
in grad school long enough to get to California and meet a great girl I'll
be happy :).
A week before I am 21. Its scary, cause that means I will be able to do
anything :). Time for the movie.
C!
not get to bed until 3AM. It's funny, cause the entire time I was
watching the movie, I would always think about the outfits that Rene
Russo was wearing and say, "Yup, I bet Lisa (Pellegrino) would wear
that." :) Awoke at 11AM, went to BREAKFAST, and then proceeded to
take an hour nap :). It took 3 hours before my mind would buckle down
and really start studying. Spent the rest of the day trying to
synthesis other people's theo question answers into ones that I liked.
I just called to find out if some of my applications for graduate
school where complete. Stanford said they need just two more letters
of recommendations. UCLA said they already have 900 applications so
did not have a clue about my stuff. When I called UC Santa Barbara,
and told them my name, the guy on the phone immediately said, "Oh,
your that GEM fellow, aren't you?" I guess that is a good thing if
they already know me by name. They said my application there was
complete. Woo hoo.
Time for some hard-core studying until dinner. I will only write
journals these next days if anything interesting happens (like Perk's
wafers he has been working on all semester getting destroyed or RN
getting free stuff from Cisco).
C!
Theo on Sunday. I over studied by about two days as he asked pretty easy
questions. Of course I was not happy for I was hoping to do better than
everyone else to bring my grade up but it doesn't look like that is going
to happen. At least I am not required to take anymore liberal arts classes
again! Then at 9PM yesterday, I STARTED studying for the test I had this
morning. I only got about 5 hours of study and 4 hours of sleep. I was
somewhat confident going in that it would be OK. While taking the test I
was a wonder of efficiency and insight. I scoffed at some of the questions
thinking to myself "That it?" I was smiling so big when I got out of the
test that Jeff Steedle chuckled at me. I have to thank God for helping me
through these two tests for it was really His doing. I prayed many times,
that's for sure. Also, I must thank RN for instilling in me a sense of
being "Cocky, flipitant, and arrogant!" Eat my stick of compassion
Gorski!
Two more left, both on Thursday. I tried several times to take a nap
today to no success. It keeps taking me literaly 40 minutes to fall
asleep. Then I end up getting woken up once asleep for like 10 minutes:
once by my alarm to join my friends at dinner, once by someone knocking on
my door (of course I didn't answer it, what made them think I would be in
my room anyway?), and two phone calls. Very disheartening. I will now
try and do some work but will probably go to bed early.
The snow has been coming down most all the day. We are predicted to have
receive well over a foot and the same will be seen throughout the week. I
hope it does not become a problem for finals and people going home. Time
for microwaves.
C!
Memoirs of C-dawg: A Semester in Review
Well, its all over. I am packed and waiting for my 5PM flight. I will take
some people to the airport before hand and watch a movie though. Let me tell
what has happened since my last journal Monday.
Monday night we had an all out blizzard, pretty early for the winter. The
school closed for the 4th time in its history for bad weather (last time in
the 70's), and probably only because it was at the city mayor's urging. So
Tuesday finals got cancelled and there was all kinds of problems rescheduling
them. The make up times where 7:30PM to midnight the rest of the week! We
got 2 feet of snow in a day. Walking around campus, even on paths walked out
by other students, you knew you where on about 4 inches of snow and ice. I
spent the entire day studying microwaves. We were allowed to bring the lab
notebook with whatever we want in it to the test. So Tuesday I copied all
the new notes, all the new homeworks, and the last test into my lab notebook.
It took me 31 pages and from 8AM to midnight, plus two hours the next day.
My lab notebook is now 140 pages, truly a thing of beauty and something I
will want to keep for gradschool. I even duplex printed all the labs and
will put them in some how later, as the lab descriptions themselves often
had some good tidbits of information.
Wednesday was my 21st birthday, and Controls studying marathon. I had 5
hours of sleep the night before and Eric, who spent the day studying with me,
had 15 MINUTES of sleep respectively. We went to the ROTC building, a place
where Eric has spent MANY hours at, in an attempt to find some peace and
quite (it was becoming impossible to find a study place in the engineering
building), and to dodge people in the class who may want to ask question.
This was more a drawing the line than being mean. I had spent countless
hours on the homework, talking to the TA, and such and I wasn't about to help
out those who I had constantly asked to work with me throughout the semester.
It was time for their decisions to be dealt with. However, I did work with
Eric, Anne, and invited Abe (who did not come). It was an experience being
in the ROTC building. I met several "interesting" characters to put it
mildly. I also found out that Eric has a flare for women in uniform :). I
stayed up until 3 in the morning, helping them out, going through the home-
works, and writing down stuff on my two equation sheets. I was getting
really tired but we stuck to Eric's motto, "Never give up the ship!" I kept
writing equations down that I found in the notes saying, "This was long/
stupid, not something that he would ask and would be cruel if he did."
Being such a good natured man I thought he wouldn't but decided to write the
stuff down anyway. I then got up at 6:30AM to take my tests. And so starts
Thursday.
Controls was at 8AM. My stomach hurt and I felt tired. When the TA handed
out the test, I looked it over and smiled: it was going to be a long, sucky
test and every stupid thing I had wrote down was on the test. Score. Not
even Mr. Russ Ernest, aka Rain Man, finished under two hours. I finished
2nd or 3rd. I may have made some math mistakes but I got everything!
Talking to people after the test they said "That was the worst test I ever
took." My many hours of work payed off and I would not have to take any more
classes under that messed up man! I then tried to take a nap before taking
my last final, Microwaves. I failed and so went and found the teacher to
take the test even earlier. I was very tired, and the test was very long.
I had to plug an equation in my caclulator that was 5 TI calculator
lines long with many complex values, magnitudes, and fractions. Although I
was tired, I managed to find THREE mistakes in the test that I told the
teacher about, so I couldn't of been that unattentive! So all in all, I
kicked a$$ on three of my finals and gave my best shot on the other. I will
probably have between a 3.6 and 4.0 this semester.
When I was done, I thought I would be jumping for joy that the hell known as
this semester was over. However, I was too tired to even sleep. I went to
Lafun to get some food, then over to Abe and Nelsons to hangout with them for
a little bit. The three of us plus Pauline played this game called Mario
Smash brothers, all at once! It was fun! We then took Abe to the airport
but his train started leaving once we pulled up. He just missed it. Ouch.
He decided to stay at the airport and wait 2 hours for the bus. Geez. Then
the three of us went to the mall. Nelson would have bought me a game for my
B-day but I couldn't find one I wanted. Got back to campus, ate, then
checked email and vmail to find out I had just missed a trip with other
friends to Michigan City for some gambling. Oops. So I went to bed at 9:30
and awoke at 9:30 :). Still had HUGE rings under my eyes and was tired.
So started Friday. The first thing I did was laundry. After that, went to
208 to collect books and stuff. Then got my recommendations from Prof Bauer
(who actually let me read one!) and got my last college application off.
It was time then to go to the bookstore and get rid of some horrible Theology
books and my most hated book, Controls! I was very pleased with the return.
They gave me $31 for the Theo books and $50 for Controls. They were
definitely books I will never use again. I would seek out a better Controls
book even if I needed one! Then got my haircut. It was the first time in
nearly two weeks I did not look like a slob or geek, as this was also the
first time in two months I decided to wear my contacts again. I still looked
really tired. It was almost 2, which meant time to go to King Buffet and his
friends at Campus Fellowship. The food was great, and I liked the guys. I
would have thought it would be more people like Eric but it was really a
neat mix of people. I will have to go to Fellowship with Eric next semester.
Back to campus to take care of more details. Then went out to dinner with
Pauline and Nelson at Fridays. I got my first legal drink. It was a
strawberry shortcake thing, really tasty. I also had fun with the waiter.
First, I asked him why alcoholic drinks came in cool glasses but not normal
beverages and to my delight their was an answer "It so we can tell if a minor
is drinking or not. It is easy to tell that way. Also kids don't care so
much about what container their drink comes in were as an adult would be
'oooh!'" I then asked him if he had seen Office Space :) to which he said
"Do you want to see my flare? Here's my flare!" and discretely flipped me
off :). For those who have not seen the movie, this will make absolutely no
sense. He also said that he saw the movie during the time he was going
through training at Friday's so it demotivated him :). Next stop was Anne's
apartment. There was a birthday cake in my honor with Anne, Perk, RN, Pete,
Brian, and Joe in attendance. The cake had a LOT of frosting on it, Eeeeee
-xcellent! I ate a quarter of it :)! We then went to my first bar
experience, Coaches. The guys carding at the door it was hard to tell if
they were really strong or had drank to much. Probably both. We got three
pitchers of beer by the end of my time there. The first was Miller I think.
It was awful! Then they got a pitcher of some darker stuff that still tasted
horrible but, much as the election went, I chose the lesser of the two
evils. I probably had less of a beer. I was really tired and my contacts
were killing my eyes, so RN took me home around midnight and the rest stayed.
I now can say that I really have not been missing much. First, I still don't
like to drink. So that kills most the fun their. Then, I really don't like
very loud music when I am trying to talk to people. I often found myself
saying "What? Huh?" I don't like the idea that you have to pay to get in
and I definitely did not like the way my clothes smelt by the time I got home
- I hate smoking! I will humor my friends and go when they ask, just to
hang out, but I don't see it as something I will go do by myself.
So now it is almost time to go home. I plan on doing a few minor things. I
am bringing some of my text books home as I want to learn about radiation and
some microwave stuff. I have gained 8 pounds this semester and am getting
too thick around my waste for my own liking. I now have many clothes that
don't fit and will try and start running (provided my back still is not
screwed up). I will hang out with my sister, as I have NO FRIENDS in
Schertz. And I will sleep, oh God will I sleep.
Now I have to look back at this semester. It was a lot of work since I
signed up for two classes with 3 hours lab, I had to do most homework myself
(working with friends makes it go faster, collective brain storming), and I
had lots of grad school stuff to think about and do. I need to stop and think
about why I was working so hard, as everyone seemed to let things slip a
little grade wise but me. It was obvious that Eric just had to much to do.
Perk found many ways to amuse himself and I think adopted George's and RN's
motto of "Who gives a f(*&." Rink had WAY to much fun (too much, and he
knows this now). Abe just kind of was on Cruz control, Joe had 6 classes and
so worked real hard. So why was I not taking time off like everyone else and
let the grades slack a little? I started to think about the different
possibilities. Was it for my parents? Nah, they are already way to proud of
me. Was it to make Dean's list? It's to late to rake up any more awards,
besides my work up until now has already done me much good in providing
different doors to walk through. Was it for personal glory? A little, I
still like to stick it to ND that no matter what it throws at me I will
prevail, plus I can now be very confident I will do fine in grad school since
I did so well of my own merits this semester. This still does not fully
provide an answer. One thing I can think of is I want to learn it all, or as
much as I can, even at the expense of other things. Also, I kind of feel
that it is what I should be doing. The same way in that Eric always tries to
Ace EVERY semester (even the ones where he can't do the homework because he
has to much to do) and the same way Eric knows he just doesn't want to drink
any alcohol. It did hurt my feelings that he would not come out with us, he
knew all the people and you can easily go to a bar and just get a soda, but
that is another story. I am motivated to do well, I was throughout
highschool and still am now. Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone should
have to work as hard as I have been these college years but the way I see it,
work hard now, learn as much as you can while you still want to, and keep as
many doors open as you can because you sure as hell aren't going to know what
you want to do and you don't want the door to close while you let yourself be
distracted by a knock at another. Well, got to do a final rounds on packing.
Hopefully I will be home tonight.
C!
my rides #1 and #2 to the airport where not around to take me to the airport.
Luckly, Chris Russo was able to help me out. I got to the fligHt gate at
4:20 and Pauline and Nelson, who I had dropped off at 2 where still waiting
for their flight. Mine arrived just before theirs, same airline too. Once
loaded up, we had two problems. First, we were to heavy and FIVE people
needed to get off. Second, the fuel truck was no where to be found. We were
an hour late getting out of South Bend and then it took forever to get to the
actual terminal at Detroit. I RAN as fast as I could with a laptop and a
piece of luggage, doing pretty good actually, through the airport. I even
ran on the walk-a-laters for extra speed. I got to the gate once they had
already closed the plane and where getting ready to pull out. This
was the second time I had to do this and I am really getting tired of it.
Then the second flight ended up being half an hour late getting in the air
(I thought they were ready to go?). When the flight arrived in Memphis,
which according to my ticket I wasn't even supppose to stop at (???), we had
more problems. They were having a little blizzard and where quite
confused on the ground. All these luggage carts where in the way of where
the plane was suppose to pull in. Then it turned out the pilot parked wrong
and a tow truck had to adjust the plane. Then the gate would not pull out to
connect to the plane and the tow truck had to move the plane to another gate.
These delays took another hour. Most people missed their connections. I got
to my gate to find out that the plane (I now had a new connection) still had
not come for its 9:15PM flight and was expected to ARRIVE at 11:45PM. It was
then 9:45PM. They gave us a voucher for some food. This turned out to be
absurd as every place was closed in the airport. It turned out that
McDonald's was still open and we got their at 10PM, when they were suppose to
close and got meals from not so happy workers who were out of most drinks and
foods. I forgot to mention that my laptop was not charged so I did not get
to do the cool thing of watching a DVD on my flights and the "new" batteries
I bought (at a gas station, will never do that again) were basically all dead
so I had little music to listen. However, since we were now waiting in the
terminal I could plug my laptop in and watched some of Highlander with
another guy from ND on the computer. The last plane came at 11:10PM ahead of
expectations and we were soon on the way home. I finally got back at 1:50 in
the morning.
I have since had a little family time. I watched Gladiator last night, a
truly AWESOME epic of a movie. It sounded REAL good on my Dad's system :).
My parents are always trying new food things and this I found very amusing:
deep frying a turkey! It works like this: You fill a 30 quart container
with oil, put it on this stand hooked up to a PROPANE tank, put this star
shaped hook in the turkey, put the turkey in this vat of BOILING oil with
another hook and cook for 3.5 minutes per pound. No, this was NOT very safe
:). I remember reading some safty tips saying "Do not let the oil spill down
the sides of the container as it could reach the propane flame and cause a
fireball." Boiled in oil looks like it would be a very painful death. They
spiced the trukey up real well and it was EXCELLENT. It is to much trouble
though, so they will not try it again. Glad I could partake of it though!
My parents rock! They got me the coolest B-day present: an external CD
recorder! However, it has not been fun and games. The first one did not
work and so we had to take it back to Best Buy. It was an Open Box buy and
so the lady was trying to make us pay the difference (~$60). We retaliated
that it was under warranty now, she got her manager, and the manager
apologized because we were very correct. However, they did not have anymore
currently in stock. It seems they are selling like hot cakes now. We went
to three stores before finding THREE in stock. It is working very problematic
on my laptop but is currently working on my sister's computer. Don't know
what will become of this.
I tried to see if grades had been posted yet. Seems I got an A in World
Religions, rock on! I could have a 4.0 this semester if I did equally well
in microwaves. Time to go. I will only write occasionally while at home.
C!
Time to head back to reality. I have been away from it for so long :). I am
referring to x-mas break and my 3.5 weeks of imitating a sloth. I did little
that was productive. And you know what? I don't care! I deserved it and
loved it :). I grow tired after a while with most things and this includes
inactivity. I now feel the need (the guilt :) ) to be productive yet again.
Before talking about what I have done, lets finish off some school thoughts.
Making the Grade
For the second time at ND I have achieved a 4.0. Yea. No matter how many
credits I take next semester, so long as I do a descent job I will graduate
from ND with their 2nd of 3 levels of honors. Yea. I was really excited
about all this for a day and have now regained my common sense: "Big deal,
it was the same thing with highschool. You put in all the work and it really
doesn't matter that much in the end." That is except to yourself. It is a
great moral victory. I have learned over the last 4 years not to over-rate
GPA anymore but I am happy of my efforts. With the dedication I have
whatever I set my mind to WILL be accomplished.
"Scedule"
That is, my schedule next semester. I look at it and my face becomes that of
glee :). I don't have to be up before 11AM on ANY day. God bless being a
senior! Again, if I don't like something or want more time I can drop up to
4 of the 8 classes I signed up for. I will try to get some of my friends to
workout with me in the morning.
Movie Mania
So what have I been up to this last month? Watching movies and playing video
games. My Dad has a 30 inch TV, a Bose 12 cube speaker set plus subwoofer,
and a DVD player. It pays to shop at AAFEES (stores on military bases that
sell things like in a Walmart) when they have REALLY nice sales, however NOT
when they normally price things. Here are some movies I have seen (not all
DVD but more than half): Gladiator, Soldier, The Patriot, Fight Club,
Fantasia 2000, Home Fries, U-571, American Beauty, Galaxy Quest, What Women
Want, Chicken Run, the Mask of Zorro, Sleepy Hollow.
Some commentaries on the movies. The Patriot was also a good watch. I
found Fight Club hilarious which my family was worried about as they were
pretty shocked by it (comes from knowing Perk & RN). It was so neat to learn
that throughout the movie you could see glimpses of Brad Pitt "popping in"
the movie (if you don't know what this means ask me later). American Beauty
was I thought OK. The sex thing Hollywood is just going too far with and it
lowers the quality of a movie in my mind. I am not saying that sex is a bad
thing at all :), but that like most things in this land of the free people
abuse it. For those who may have shrugged off Galaxy Quest with Tim Allen,
take a look! It was very amusing. It starts out kind of corny, but on
purpose, until the Captain realizes what is going on. There was a scene in
the movie involving a transporter and an alien that had me laughing for
3 minutes. The family and I went to the theaters to see "What Women Want"
with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. Mel Gibson somehow acquires the ability to
hear EVERYTHING women think. The movie is most amusing with a mix of guys
and gals watching it. Tim Burton did a wonderful job with Sleepy Hollow. It
was suspenseful yet comical at the same time. I would recommend it.
Oh, for those have seen American Beauty and have ever played the board game
"Clue," here is a quick gag. After watching the movie I turned to my parents
and said, "I never would have thought the colonel would have shot him. I
guess that makes it the colonel, in the kitchen, with the pistol!"
MORE POWER!
If you have a good TV and speaker system a DVD movie is much better
to watch than a VCR movie, or even a theater for that matter as the picture
will be sharper. My Dad has a Sony Receiver too that takes care of all the
processing, so we get dts also. A modern receiver takes care of many parts
of a stereo system. My Dad's does the pre-amp, amp, signal processing, and
also includes and AM/FM receiver built in. My Dad used to have all these
seperate and still does. If I got a few things I could have a full
stereo system. You can, of course, buy those "all in one" systems for like
$300, but as with most electronics you are paying for the quality of the
system so of course it will not be as good as the above pieces of equipment.
My Dad took me to this stereo store in town called "Bjornes." Everything
weird, powerful, and EXPENSIVE could be found their: cables larger than
three of my fingers put together and gold plated - ~$150, an amplifier that
could blow out windows - $10000, a 52 inch High Definition TV - $10000. You
came to this store either to gauk at all the cool stuff or because you had
lots of money and needed ways to blow it. They had clearnce tags on a lot
of things, this meant savings of $20. I saw another thing worth a few
hundred dollars marked down $7.
Glasses
I bought new glasses since being home. The last pair were 6 years old. I
got them at Lens Crafters. They are small, silver rims with NO BAR (I really
began to hate that stupid bar across the top), and have the anti-reflective
coat. Total cost: $185 after a coupon. Much better than the stupid Pearle
Vision price of $260 which was not even their best lenses and did not
include a warranty; both were extra. The Lens Crafter pair I bought included
all this. I was right to listen to my parents, they are good bargin
shoppers.
Family
Nice to see my parents, sister, and dogs again. The dogs are getting quite
old. One is completely deaf and needs daily thyroid pills. The other is OK
but his pretty blonde coat is about to turn white. Every time I come home I
fight with my sister. I have been able to get along with almost anybody but
her. Everytime I come home I try a little harder to keep my patients and we
went three weeks before having a family fued. I don't know what is wrong
with her but she can be very moody and just not treat people nice at times.
Complicate the fact that I am a guy, she is jealous of me (something I am
recently finding out) and we have different opinions about things and it just
is not good. I know she is taking some kind of non-prescription stuff to
help her. I will just try harder the next time I come home. It really does
make me sad.
My parents are now hitting their early 40's. I can start to see changes.
They are still renting their house for a LOT of money and are trying to
figure out what to do. Stay put? Buy a house? Move? Where I go to grad
school as I have said before can affect where they go. I would like it if
they stayed put until Terry (sister) finished college and they paid off their
debts but at the price they are paying for rent that would not be smart to
do. I don't know what they should do.
Games
I came home and became a video game addict again. Me and my sister played
this fun game called Spyro the Dragon. She liked it so much we went out and
bought Spyro 3 (couldn't find Spyro 2). I have also been playing
some computer games. I finished the one I was working on today and have
since deleted the games from my computer: a sure sign that I am ready to get
back to work.
Nothing
I had good reason not to do anything while here: 1. I don't know ANYBODY to
hang out with since my parents moved here a year ago. 2. I don't have money
to go do much. I only have maybe 2 books to buy for next semester but their
are other problems. My car is one of these problems. The steering clicks
when I turn the wheel to the far left or right which my father suggests is
a good sign that the CB boots are wearing out. My car has been at ND for 3
years and it is probably time for a tune up. I still owe $3000+ for
next semester. I don't have any help this. I did apply to some scholarships
last semester but we will talk to Joy and see if she can help me out. Also,
I am not convinced my back problems have completely gone away. I am sure I
can workout but I really need to take friends' advice and see a chiropractor.
So no spending money for me.
X-Mas
Christmas was nice. My big present was the CD burner I received for my
birthday though. Between my Dad, sister, and me we have burned over 100 CDs
with about an 80% success rate. The burner has problems working with my
laptop at times. My sister got me a poster that says "Justification for
Higher Education" and shows a beach front two story mansion with a five car
garage that has a Beamer, Mercedes, Corvette, Ferrari, and Porsche inside.
I liked it :). I also got one of those table waterfalls. My mom was reading
my journal stuff about the Buddhists and thought it would "make a nice Zen
present." Way to go mom! Sadly, I don't have a place to put it and don't
want it to break so will leave it at home for now. I also got a camera and
will try to get as many pictures as I can of friends before I can't anymore.
Anne Burns also sent me a book on writing effectively and with style. I
have read a couple pages and think it would be a great investment of my time.
Thanks Anne! Everyone should have an online journal. It makes it so easy
to shop for other people :).
My mom wanted to make some pies on Christmas day but was
unable to get to a store in time yesterday to buy eggs. So she asked me to
go next door and ask for eggs. Of course it was drizzling and the next door
neighbors were not answering. I ended up going three houses down before
someone answered to which I said "Excuse me, where having a Christmas crisis,
can I buy some of your eggs?" The mom and a teenage kid of the house laughed
at me and gave me some eggs.
The weekend days before Christmas we went to visit the relative in Houston.
this is where my mom's side of the family is. I helped my cousin
with his essay for Notre Dame. It is interesting look back with the eyes of
a veteran. I was happy to make some major corrections for him on his essay
and to point him in the right direction of what would be looked for. The ND
application is SO easy to fill out.
New Years
Not that big of a deal. Just the family at home playing board/card games.
We drank a bottle of white wine at midnight. We were all in bed by 1AM :).
Games
When my sister was still home we played board/card games most nights. Uno
Hearts is a variation on hearts. Everytime we played I'd END the game with
like 10 points where loser was at 60 points. We also played this complex
card game called Canasta where I would lose everytime. Then there was this
hilarious game called Balderdash. You try to get to the finish line on the
board. To do so you get points. Points are awarded based on a round of
trying to guess the definition of a word. The thing is, everyone makes up
a definition to guess from! Another thing, the words have absurd definitions
themselves! The entire time we played I did not know ANY definitions to the
words. They were insane. It was fun to play. I will bring it back to
school. We also played the game of Life. The first time we played, I did
NOT go to college, became a cop with a low salary, pulled over my mother
many times, and had 6 kids :). It was fun.
Another game I would like to show my friends is one called "Magic:
the Gathering." It is a strategy collectible card game. They have official
tournaments where at the largest of them, the world tournament,
the winner got 1 million dollars. There are prizes at every level
from some free cards to the big money pay offs. The thing is, you have to
buy the cards. This company also holds tournaments for Pokemon card games.
I got into Magic my last two years of highschool, then left the cards at home
and only looked at them when I came back home. All my cards are now no
longer allowed in the standard Universal tournaments but then they have all
kinds of tournaments so old timers like me can still play.
Food
Good eats since I have been home. I am so sure that the dinning hall is
responsible for many an upset stomach at school. I got a Black & Decker
toaster onsale, after being discounted, for $18 (originally $45). I will
bring it to school and I think I will change my eating routine. I will
actually buy food and eat that for breakfast (making use of the toaster
oven illegally :) ) and eat lunch/dinner in the dinning hall. This will
allow me to eat with my friends.
Got a chance to eat at the Macaronni Grill. It is similar to Papa Vino's.
I liked it and would recommend.
Funny story: One night we were cooking baked potatoes to go with a meal.
My parents customarily use a microwave to cook them, wrapping each in wax
paper. There was a bit of a problem this time though. We thought we heard
the usual assortment of pops but when we took the potatoes out, one of them
was just the skin- there was nothing inside! Where was the rest of it? In
dry pieces all over the bottom of the microwave. It was indeed a freak
incident.
Weather
The first three weeks I was back, the weather looked just like South Bend.
It was always cloudy and cold (for Texas :) ). It also rained a lot. Now
the highs are becoming 70 in the day and lows 30s at night. I have a much
better tolerance for the weather than my parents. My mom is always asking
me "Are you cold?" and trying to get me to put some socks on :).
Corpus Christi
This last weekend we went down to Corpus Christi. My parents had went with
the dogs before and wanted to show me how pretty it was. There was SOOOO
much farmland, all the way right up almost to the sand dunes. It turned out
that on the shores it was extremely foggy so nothing could be seen. Really,
visibility was probably 30 feet. This did not make me happy. I got to take
our old 4-runner on the sand a little which was fun. We got out and looked
for shells. We found three small sand dollars that were whole and an
assortment of shells. I hope to give them out when I get to school.
~~~Hanging~~~
Got back Saturday @ 1PM to school. All three flights were late so I didn't
miss any! :) Missed my ride at the airport so had to pay freakin $12 for
the cab (typically $8). Got my car out of the snow by myself, found Brian,
went food shopping with Pete. Found out Pete likes to play Magic and we
did so until dinner. Had tacos which Pete and Brian put together and some
of my B-day cake. Yes, it as A MONTH OLD :). They had refrigerated and
covered it and all was fine until RN and Perk took it out of the fridge the
night before. Before all was said and done we had Pete, Brian, RN, Perk,
Anne, Frick, me, and Pete's sister over. We watched many movies:
Big Kahuna, Drop Dead Gorgous, But I'm A Cheerleader, Dick (spoof on
Richard Nixon), and some of the 5th Element. I tried taking pictures but
when I tried to take Anne's she said no and had my camera taken from me for
the rest of the night. Why do woman think you have to take just the right
picture? I want REAL pictures, not fake ones were everyone poses.
Went to bed at 5:30 in the morning. When my Palm Pilot went off at 9, I
rolled over and ignored it. When I got up at 10, I looked at it to realize
I was suppose to pick a friend up. Oops.
Went back to campus and moved in. Then at 6PM went with Nelson and Abe to
get Pauline and some movies. However, Pauline's flight was delayed 3
times. We went shopping for food, got her, then went out to eat as it was
9 and we had missed any chance of eating on campus. We went to Applebees.
I ordered first a Chicken Quesadilla appetizer as half my meal and then
a Blackened Chicken Salad as the other half. I also ordered a shake. It
was an expensive meal but will be the last REAL meal I have for a while.
I was tired so hit the hay at 11:15 instead going to watch Stigmata with
friends, a movie I was not thrilled about after seeing once.
~~~Mail~~~
I checked my mail three times yesterday and everytime there was mail! I
heard the mail guy spent more than six hours taking care of the month of
backloaded mail. Only two pieces of mail were of any importance.
~~~Megan~~~
Talked to Megan who is at Caltech yesterday. She used the internet to call
me so she did not have to pay for long distance. With the connection
speeds that colleges have it is just like talking to someone who is on a
cell phone. I will have to look into this for calling home. She is doing
well. She is about to have a break soon after finishing her second
trimester (boy, what a weird school). She is on the basketball team which
is equivelent to being on Fencing here without the team being of national
title quality. Nice to talk to her, I don't get to often.
~~~Gear~~~
I was going to get my stuff from the Fencing gym and turn in the stuff that
had been given to me. However the place was closed (despite Dog having
sent out a vmail to the team 15 minutes before hand as I found out later).
I snuck in the secret entrance to find Susan there, a female junior fencer.
She was leaving a message for the coach that she was going abroad this
semester. I asked her if she wanted my weapons. We started talking and
she convinced me to just keep my stuff. I gave her two weapons and took
everything else. Maybe if I find a club, or even when I go to grad school,
I can fence some.
~~~$$$$~~~
I went to Financial Aid department today and found out that I owe $3100!
My financial aid package was changed, my Perkins loan was dropped. Dana
(who worked with the Joy in the MEP office) is going to look into it for
me. Hopefully she will help me out. They can't have one of the MEP's
star students not graduating because of a silly $3000 bill.
Bought my books. I had to get two and it ran me $176. Grrrr. I also
forgot to deduct $50 from my checking for an application. I have very
little money. I also had to do some food shopping. I now should need
nothing else except to pay for a retreat I will go to this weekend. I
will try very hard not to spend anymore money even if it means rearranging
my schedule.
~~~Magic: No more Gathering?~~~
In going out today to get some folders for class, I thought I would find
a comic store. I stopped off at many places along the way including:
the mall, where a girl named Mary Beth cleaned my college ring for free;
a gas station, the place made me wonder why there were Mexican's in
Indiana of all places; a Christian store, wow, modern Christianity is not
as meek as people would think, including the music (anyone ever heard of
Creed or Collective Soul? I like both a lot); a Chiropractor, I can get
a free consultation and a visit without insurance would be like $30 but I
have made an appointment with my insurance doctor first; a brake and
muffler store, they where closed :).
Finally found the comic store. I asked them if they held tournaments for
Magic and they said no, they don't have the room. I also asked where they
thought Magic was going. They said it has its core players but has loss
a lot of the general mass. I have noticed that you can't buy Magic cards
in book stores and video game store as in the past, just those damned
Pokemon cards! So sad. It is a very strategic and cool game. I will just
keep what I have and be happy.
~~~PS2~~~
I got to play a Playstation 2 in a store today! My mom would always say,
well besides that I shouldn't play videogames at all, is that "the graphics
look boxy." Well, not anymore! The graphics were gorgous. I played this
Dynasty game where I controlled a warrior and he went into these battles.
The computer had to be keeping track of 100 warriors and there was
absolutely no lag time. I hope I can get one next summer. There is no
limit (besides virtual reality) to the games that could be made on this
machine.
~~~Bball Game~~~~
Watched our women's Basket Ball team on TV. They are ranked 3rd and where
playing #1 U Conneticut. They did very well and won. They probably will
be 1st now.
~~~Change~~~
Here is a bit on change I wanted to archieve from Perk's journal:
So, I don't think that I can emphasize change enough in 2001. At one time
I feared change; but I think I've decided that motion, change, and most
importantly, the ability to discard spent ideas is directly proportional to
my happiness. Just as living in 329 has conditioned me to throw away large
quantities of my physical possessions without regret, I would like to be
able to analogously trash outmoded ideas, conceptions, perceptions,
priorities, morals, convictions, and opinions. I think that in doing so I
will force a certain amount of moderation into my life, which is good. But
this is a "qualified moderation" because we all know that the life of
excess is best. I highly encourage obsessive, eccentric, hyper-fixated
thought and action; but can only personally endorse this for brief periods
of time, which is what I mean by a moderation. The resulting dynamic, yet
intense, Worldview is ideal.
~~~Statement Part 2~~~~
I already put this Statement of Intent in the journal, I am just
resubmitting it because it was in an email that I wanted to file away
long ago:
Date: Sat, 2 Dec 2000 01:43:37 -0500
From: Christopher Sanabria
To: Joy Jeanette Vann-Hamilton
Cc: Christopher Sanabria
Subject: Statement of Intent
Isn't if funny the things we remember at 1:30 in the morning :). Here it
is. Remember that a lot of factors influenced what was written.
Graduate school is all about research so they want to hear about what
research you have done, what research you are going to do, why their
school fits your interest, and why they should pick you. They don't want
to here about extracurriculars, they don't want to hear about industry
(even though most people who get their advanced degrees leave for industry
anyway). I was able to just fill in the "XXXX"s below to change schools
for about 4 that I applied to, this does not work in general. Why it did
work here is that only a few schools do nano-technology stuff. I had to
change that paragraph for other schools. The statment needs to be
tailored to each school. They will realize you are doing a "one form fits
all" deal if you don't explain why you want to go to their school. The
statement should be read over many times and specifically by people in
your department (it was nice that I knew Akai, all the better!). As Akai
said, "Everyone has good grades, everyone has good GREs. The only way to
tell people apart is the statement of intent. It is the most important
part of the application." That is about all I can think off. Hope you
can put it all to good use.
Statement of Purpose
Christopher Sanabria
SSN here
Ever since high school, I wanted to know the answer to the question
"How do circuits work?" My undergraduate work has given me a strong base
with which to understand the answer. I have seen many basic circuit
configurations which I analyzed and built in electronics labs and classes.
However, I desire to learn more and I believe graduate school is the place
for me to do so.
I know that industry is not the answer for me. I have worked three
summer internships thus far and they have only served to show that a
Bachelor's degree is not enough to be able to perform research. My goal
is to do research, make discoveries, and build the prototype; it is not my
goal to figure out how to optimize what someone else created and
mass-produce it.
In particular, high-speed circuits is a field I want to pursue.
Making circuits go ever faster and making systems transmit extensive
amounts of data, be it monolithically or wirelessly, is what I want to
learn about and pursue. Professors at XXXX (such as Dr. XXXX and Dr. XXX)
do research in this area. What makes XXXX one of the most attractive
schools for me is that the electrical engineering department also works
with nano-devices. I realize there will be a need to understand the new
rules of physics at this level and many new devices will come out of this
field. I want to learn about these new technologies and make high-speed
systems from them.
My academic performance in electrical engineering has been excellent.
My professors have told me that Notre Dame is a more theoretical school
than many other undergraduate programs, so I believe that my transition
from undergraduate to graduate school will go smoothly. I have not yet
had the chance to carry out research with a professor due to a broad base
of classes and the necessity to earn money during the summer to pay for
undergraduate education. However, I have commited to do undergraduate
research next semester for Dr. Patrick Fay, one of my recommenders, who
teaches the microwave circuits class I am currently taking. He has
planned for me to design a test fixture for photodiodes to test
transmission of digital data at the 30 GHz range. I will then assist with
other projects later in the semester.
I am very dedicated, communicative, and easy to work with. My
efforts have already secured me a GEM fellowship to pay for the first year
of graduate school. After I earn my PhD, I hope to be a professor at a
research-oriented university so that I may continue my research and teach.
So I have been accepted to UC Santa Barbara! I called up today to get
some details. The lady I talked to does the admissions and she said
"Yes, your application was in early so I went ahead and reviewed. I'm
pretty sure you were the first admit!" Minor ego boost, yes :). I
called about financial aid; they said they send that out after the
admissions are done. They are no where near done with the admissions
:). I called about housing; she gave me a url. Some nice housing,
although most people are off campus. I must call ASAP, even if I am
not going, just so I can get some housing if I decide to go! I called
about visiting; she said those who receive funding will be helped in
trying to come and visit. I think spring break is going to be a lot
of fun this year :*).
Classes
I have now gone to all my classes. Oh, haven't gone to
guitar yet. Let's take each in turn.
Electromagnetism II: Had to buy a new book but it seems it is a
better one. Dr. Lent is cool. I already know Matlab. There are 4,
yes, 4 females in the class (a 400% increase)- amazing. I have
friends in there. I have taken Microwaves which can be thought of as Emag
III :). I have friends in the class. Only good things can happen.
Data Networks: Taught by two professors from TELLABS (not Bell labs,
as I thought I was told), but they seem like good guys. They are
talking about practical stuff, which is their jobs. Interesting
stuff, not that hard of a class, and I am auditing it. Another
goodie!
Minds, Brains, and Persons: I convinced George to go to the class
with me. He was going to cut out early so he could go to practice.
It was cool. It started out with teacher putting 5 questions on the
board like: "Do you have a mind? What is it? Does a dog have a
mind? Does having a mind make something intelligent?" We spent most
the class in group disscussions trying to resolve answers. I now
realize I do not have a clue how to answer any of them. George never
left the class early. The teacher is cool. In fact, now George is
going to audit the class with me. We bought the books, which were
only about $30. I just have to keep up with reading and participate
in class. Awesome.
Mechanics: It is taught by a grad student who is a triple domer and
was here when the team was good! Half the class are senior EEs. The
rest are mostly sophomore level Mechanical Engineers who don't stand a
chance against us. Should be an easy requirement to fill.
Senior Design: This class will be my biggest pain in the butt, but
it is nothing compared to hard classes I have taken. Not terribly to
much to do, and our group could have a working product by the end of
the semester. Woo hoo!
Research: I will meet Prof Fay in 30 minutes to start talking about
my research. I am scared of the open endedness of it all but I am
sure I will come to like it.
Wings
Went to BW3s. It was great food and a good amount of people. I now
know that I can only eat 2 or 3 hot wings before my mouth begins to melt.
Working Out
Eric and me went and worked out this morning. This is the first time
to really do so in months for me. It was good. I made sure to go easy.
My back did fine, it was the OTHER problem from Christmas 99 that gave
me problems. When something started hurting, I'd just stop.
Resolutions
I did nonverbally make some resolutions this year. On top of the list
was more fun. I think I have already started meeting this goal. I
also want to get in shape. We will see how the second time goes at
the gym and hope no problems develop. I also want to eat healthier.
I am eliminating unhealthy snacks from my diet, which I have already
started to put in action. I have also been trying a new fruit/veggie
at the dinning hall every morning. This is going about as well as I
expected, as in I don't like anything. I hate cantelope, it made me
want to spit it back out like a 1 year old. Grape fruit is too sour.
I liked the taste of pineapple, but not the texture. Fruits just
taste weird. Veggies just taste awful. I will keep trying to find
stuff I like.
The Problem (tech)
And so I will start my technical reports here. Feel free to read or
skip but right now everyone should be able to understand. These
reports will make it easy for me to keep track of what I do and write
reports later.
Prof Fay explained the problem to me- well, explained and showed. The
fixture came in a metal box that I mistook to be its packaging.
Looked like a gold bar of diameter and size roughly that of a
coax-cable. It is casted to point up about 40 degrees. The end
pointing up has a connector for the fiber optic source, the other end
has a small piece of fiber optic wire with a lens on the end (!!).
The lens shines the light onto a wafer, where a photodector
(photodiode) conducts. Probes touch the wafer to complete the
circuit, carrying the signal back to test equipment through coax.
Prof Fay explained to me a new type of photodiode geometry that in
order to reduce junction capacitance has a funky area. It looks like
3 long strips from the top, but the light is shined through the SIDE
down the middle strip. This will mean more absorption and so higher
efficiency.
My mission, figure out how to make the fixture adjustable in x-y-x
coordinates, plus tilt, so that the device can shine at a near
horizontal angle onto the wafer. He gave me a book on Photonics to
dig some info out of and his grad student's name, Rajkumar
Sankaralingam, to ask questions of.
Had my first experience at senior bar. For $10 I got a lifetime
membership. I can't for-see myself needing it after this May, but oh
well. Pete bought me a beer in honor of my acceptance at UCSB. I now
things done before going.
things done before going.
Had my first experience at senior bar. For $10 I got a lifetime
membership. I can't for-see myself needing it after this May, but oh
well. Pete bought me a beer in honor of my acceptance at UCSB. I now
things done before going.
things done before going.
stuff.
Senior Bar
Had my first experience at senior bar. For $10 I got a lifetime
membership. I can't for-see myself needing it after this May, but oh
well. Pete bought me a beer in honor of my acceptance at UCSB. I now
have an Alumni Plastic Cup. If I bring the cup with me to senior bar,
a cup full of beer is $1.50. They had me try Rolling Rock. Nasty as
usual - even more so that I took so long to drink it that it became warm
and flat. Oops. Tried to get fud at the bar :). One of the bartendars
was Mario Saurez, a guy who was in my Computer Architecture class who is
a 5th year Computer Science and Arts & Letters major. I had to go back
3 times to try and get the fries I ordered. He ended up burning them so I
got a basket of fries + chicken wings for free. Woo hoo! :) I found out
that you should always let Jeff Squires buy you drink or food. He worked
at senior bar for a while and now gets fud and drinks for free! Wow!
Since he may never leave ND (soon to be a triple domer) he has a good gig
going on.
We found this relatively quite corner with a triple rise of high steps
that made for a wonderful place to sit and chat. It was a nice time.
Chris Russo and John came by. They offered me some Guiness, which I had
a little of. It tastes awful too but better than most the other things
people have had me try. I stayed until 1:15AM before going home to bed.
Oops
I have been such an idiot as of late. I have misplaced a lab notebook
for a class, an important book on semiconductors, and my back pack (had
to just go over to the dinning hall to get the silly thing!). Must...
learn...to use...brain...again.
Retreat
Starting tomorrow at 5, I am going on retreat with Eric through Campus
Fellowship. I should be back Sunday around the same time. Must get
things done before going.
way first.
FAFSA
Some schools still require this even for the grad level (ex, UCSB).
However, if you have your pin number, doing this online is easy. It also
turned out that "do to the choices you have made, your parents information
is not required." I guess this is because it was grad school. The
government did a very nice job with the web page and its ease of use.
Job Change
Friday I dropped my monitoring job for the Learning Center and took up a job
as grader for the Electronics I class. I should be the only grader and
with 54 students in the class, this means I should get a good 8 hours of
work a week- when I want it!
Classmates
Today went to classmates.com, entered in my basic class info, and checked
up on some people. About 30 people had registered from my class, three left
small bios. Two of these where girls who where now married and had kids.
A very scary thought, makes me feel old too :).
Flat
Upon coming back from the retreat this weekend, I got a call from Nelson.
He had borrowed my car (he did ask ahead of time) and blew a tire out.
Luckly it was on grape road and two stores down from a tire store! The
tread on the other tires is not near as new but acceptable I would say.
Sick
Since Monday, I have not felt good. Today, I awoke with a sore throat.
Will find out tomorrow if I have strep throat or not. Also, it hurts my,
uh, upper inside thigh tendons to workout still (accident X-mas 99). I
see the doctor Monday for that and my "minor" back problems that were so
minor they never went away. Stupid insurance agencies and doctors. They
really don't believe you until you have severed something or died!
Retreat
And here starts the information about the retreat this weekend. Some very
significant life events happened and I am going to go into DETAIL about
the whole trip (aka longest journal ever!). The trip was also a lot of fun
(how to play Moffia!) so I just want to get it all down before I forget.
If you are going to read it, READ IT ALL!
We headed out at about 6PM on Friday, after the bus driver nearly forgot to
pick up the St. Mary's girls that were to come on the trip :). The retreat
center was at Oakwood Retreat center in Syracuse, Indiana. Turns out that
we weren't going to Michigan after all as I had told people. Also turns out
that this was a seminar and not a retreat. What's the difference you ask?
As one perons told me "You have less free time on a seminar." :) Upon
arrival the guys and girls immediately split up for the rest of the retreat.
There were about 30 guys (ND, Holy Cross) and 25 girls (ND, St. Marys).
We made our way to the academy to two connected rooms that we would spend
most all of the retreat in. We were served pizza. Then the guys were split
up to put there stuff in either the cottage or the cabin that had been
reserved for us. I got the cottage and in a room with Eric. It was an
interesting 1950's style kind of house. The doors had the type of key holes
you could see through :). The ceilings were made of wood panel strips. Our
rooms where up stairs that had very small, shallow steps.
We went back to the academy to sing. Yes, sing. We sang A LOT during the
retreat. I had no idea we would do so much singing. We would have a guitar
player stand in front. We were given books that had the words and not the
notes; you picked the notes up as you went along ;). Some people didn't
need the books. During the songs, people would often raise their hands as
if reaching out to God. At the end of a song, the guitar player would keep
playing the last note while people chant ALL kinds of phrases: some from the
song, some from scripture, some just random... and then some that was in
foreign languages. Huh, this just caught my attention but the whole
chanting thing in general made me feel uncomfortable. Between most every
event we sang.
After an orientation about what the seminar would be about, we had our first
of seven talks. A guy named Shawn (who Perk knows as "The red head kid who
comes into his lab, gets some audio equipment, and disappears") did the
first talk. I will have more to say on him later. The talk he gave was in
the person of a jew in Jesus's time who was reflecting on the Jewish past
history, how he saw Jesus, and looking to the future. It was really neat.
We then broke into discussion groups, about five of them. The people in
mine where Eric (leader), Tim, and Peter (a twin whose brother was also at
the retreat and that I think who were new to Campus Fellowship too) and Pat.
It was comforting that Eric was in whatever group I was the entire time. We
had some nice discussion. When asked what I came to the retreat for, I said
"to listen." This was SOOO true.
We then sang some more, an evening bed time prayer. Then back to the
cottage. Our cottage leader was John, a grad student that works in Perk's
lab and who works under professor Craig Lent. More on him later too.
Lent is my Emag II prof, the creator of the famous Quantum Dots at ND, and
advisor of Campus Fellowship, the organization holding the seminar. Lent
is an awesome individual. He knows his stuff and as I heard from another
professor "I wouldn't be surprised if he wins the Nobel Prize some day." He
is very courteous yet always has subtle humor. And his build looks like
Santa Clause except with a short beard! Lent was around the entire retreat,
always poping in. As one person put it "Kind of like a football coach. He
coaches and the players play the game."
Back at the cottage, the guys, about 10, wanted to play a game called
Moffia. I must describe this game, because it is hilarious to play. The
players are for the most part citizens of a town. The previous night, some
mischief happened due to the Moffia, who is incognito as a citizen. The
citizens must discover which one of them is the liar(s) before all the
citizens are killed off. Game players are like this: their is a moderator,
x moffia members (where x depends on the number of people playing), a
govenor, and possibly an evangilist (again, if enough people). We choose
who got what type of job by randomly drawing from a few cards. The
moderator does not actively play but keeps the game working. A turn
typically starts with the moderator asking everyone to put their heads down
so they can't see. The moderator then asks the Moffia to raise their heads
and come to a consensus (if more than one Moffia) about who to kill. The
Moffia put their head(s) down and then the moderator has the governor raise
his head. The govenor points to someone and the moderator gives them the
thumbs up or down if the person is a Moffia member or not. Then the govenor
puts their head down and the moderator has the evangilist raise his head.
The evangilist may have any one person killed that turn if he so wishes :).
Then the evangilist puts his head down and the moderator had EVERYONE wake
up. The moderator then informs everyone of who is now dead (out of the
game). Then the "citizens" get to argue over who is Moffia, take a vote,
and kill someone. It become quite a spectacle of lying, yelling, and
laughing as you have never seen. It is a lot of fun for those who are
already dead as they become clued in and just laugh at the stuff people are
saying about each other.
We played two games. I got to be Moffia first time and was never even
suspected. Then off to bed @ 1AM.
Woke up Saturday morning at 7AM. Took a shower with water temperature that
was VERY touchy. Some guys who looked like they where adults since
graduated had put breakfast together for us. Besides the pizza dinner, they
cooked all our meals and I thank them for their efforts. Back to the
academy for some more singing. We then had our second talk. We were ALL
so grogy, I couldn't tell you what it was about. Then we had the third talk
but, despite being awake, did not really talk to me so I have nothing
written down to remember. After this talk it was 11 and time for
"recreational activity." The retreat center was right by a lake which was
frozen over. So, the guys wanted to go play Ultimate Frisbee on it :). I
borrowed some gloves, and a hat from JT, as I forgot mine. I should speak
about JT as he will come up later too. JT was a man who looked like he was
in his late 30's early 40's. He had a beard that was long on his chin and
so I thought of him as some kind of mix between a scholarly person or a
ZZ-Top band member :). He liked to play guitar (their where four guitar
players at this seminar) and had even written some of the songs in the book
we had been singing from.
Going out to the lake, I had a nice look around. The retreat looked like it
was a community where a bunch of houses had been bought, all of similar age
as the cottage. The only new structure was the hotel. On the lake we could
see people ice fishing, complete with their shacks. Their was a lot of snow
everywhere and the place was colder than South Bend (despite being further
South) the entire time we where their. But right then, it was all very
beautiful.
I got on a good team to start with. My legs where really tight so I could
not run around. I still scored twice and had two assists. After an hour
we went back in. It was time to eat. The guys I mentioned earlier had made
us Chili and sandwiches were available. Washed up, ate, then back for the
next talk.
Talk four was about God's plan. I thought I had a sheet for this but it
seems I don't so I can't remember much about this talk. After this talk,
came talk five about Baptizm in the Holy Spirit. Eric lead this talk, but
many others came up to give testimonies I will go into shortly. It started
by talking about how, as is described in Acts, God gave us the gift of the
Holy Spirit to carry out God's work on Earth. The Holy Spirit is the
presence of God in us. It is God, but it isn't so to speak. The Holy
Spirit brings many gifts. In Acts 2, the apostles become filled with the
Holy Spirit. They could speak in tongues, prophecize, and perform miracles.
The talk then turned to people TELLING of their EXPERIENCES of the Holy
Spirit working in them. A kid named Jeremy gave his experience. Having had
the chance to know Jeremy the last 24 hours, he seemed like your typical
college student: somewhat built and tall, the kind of clothing that would
match a very worn out cap that would be put on the head backwards, and would
probably like going to parties a lot. Jeremy went on one of these types of
retreats once at his sister's urging. He said he would have prefered to do
other things with his weekend but ended up going. He received the Holy
Spirit. It was nothing dramatic at the time, but over time his life just
changed. Very noticeable differences I think he said. Shawn, the red head
kid, went up too. He told about volunteer work he did with a church in
South Africa. He had many stories about strange things, miracles. He saw
a child that had never walked in its entire life, that had knees wider than
the calves OR thighs, be blessed by a priest and start walking. He doubted
this, even when he went back. After this trip he became a strong Christian.
John, who works in Perks lab, came up to tell about an experience he had 7
months ago. This local gathering for Charismatic Christians called People
of Praise was having healings for people. I should talk about a type of
prayer called "more." "More" is like a group prayer, people lay hands on a
person to enhance prayer for things like receiving the Holy Spirit and for
healing. If done standing, the person being prayed on may literarly
collapse. As Tim from my group put it "I don't know, I guess when you
receive that much of God people just can't take it." John was there to
make sure this old lady did not fall over. This was really reminding me of
the movie Fletch Lives with the Baptist (I guess) preacher smacking people
on the head to knock them over saying "Praaaaaaaise Jesus!" John had a
different take. The lady was hoping she could be healed. She had shoulder
problems and was no longer able to raise her arm very far. Afterwards,
later during the meeting, the lady went up to the stage and took the mike
from the speaker. She wanted to thank God and everyone as she rotated her
shoulder around to show that it was fine.
Then JT, mentioned earlier, also gave an account. Several years ago he was
a cocaine addict. It was so bad that it was ruining his life: relationships
with friends, job, etc. He was in such bad shape that his family flew him
from Indiana to some kind of revival in Florida. At one point, people could
come up to priests (I think it was priests, not sure) for this kind of
healing and receiving of the Holy Spirit. JT's relatives had him go up and
he thought "Sure, why not. I'm sure this guy hasn't heard a story as bad as
this one." This old white haired man listened to him. After he was done,
the old man touched him on the head and said "your sins are forgiven." And
"from that day on, I never craved cocaine again." But then there is more to
the story. Later on in life, he is depressed. He is on a LOT of
medications because of his past addictions, has no job, we are talking the
pits. He then was talking to someone on the phone. I can't remember if it
was a relative or what. She comforted him though, and the words she said
he felt where more than just words. As with some of the other people I
heard from, although they may not immediately experience the Holy Spirit,
at some point in their life they just feel like "click," it happened. This
was what it was like for JT. After that day, he asked to be taken off some
of his medications. There were no adverse effects. Then he asked to be
taken off some more medications. There were no adverse effects. He is no
longer taking anymore medications. This was less than a year ago. Talking
to him he seemed like a great, really nice guy. I never would have guessed
what he had suffered from.
When we broke up into groups, I was in shock from everything I heard. But
then Eric asks of course "Who would like to share their experiences they
have had with the Holy Spirit?" Tim talked about how when he was younger
him and a group of friend would go around giving people "more," having fun
with watching people collapse from the power of it. He also talked about
some of the languages he had spoke in while praying (tongues). One
particular incident was when he prayed over some foreigners (I can't even
remember what language they spoke but it definitely was NOT one he spoke).
After the prayer, they praised him for how fluently he had spoke their
particular dialect. Pat talked about how he went on a retreat and received
the Holy Spirit. He felt the effects that night. As his friends described
it, he was aglow. He said some things that he knew only God could be
saying. As tongues and prophecy was described to me by Eric "It's kind of
like a train in your throat." When Eric asked "So everyone here has
received the Holy Spirit, right?" I said "No, and frankly I am pretty
freaked out now. How come... why... Why have I not heard about this all the
years I have gone to church?" Eric told me that "With the society we have
today, it just doesn't work for people to know about it. In places like
where Shawn went, things such as demons still exist. Shawn could tell you
many stories about his trip there."
This did make sense. As Kevin Spacey said in the movie The Usual Suspects,
"The greatest trick the devil ever played is convincing the world he didn't
exist." In a materialistic society, where things such as demons and
miracles don't exist anymore, do you really think people are going to
believe something so unbelievable? Do you think these people at this
retreat believed what they saw the first time they saw it? They told me:
They most certainly did not! Do you think people are going to believe
what I say? I still have doubts nagging at me the entire time I am writing
this. Do you think people believed Jesus when He told them he was the son
of God, even as he performed miracles in front of their faces?
I just tried to keep courage and we moved on. We prayed over each other,
with Eric and some other people who had came over, speaking in tongues and
making prophecies. When I went, one of them said in a strong, loud voice
commanding "Chris, you have had something troubling your mind for some
time now. Let it go, have trust in me." For a year now I have had to stand
up to friends that did not believe one way or the other in God. Being an
engineer, you want to see the proof in things, not the possibility. So I
had been praying to God to help me keep faith. If this all was chance, wow.
I had made mention to this to only ONE person, Margaret Foltz, about a year
ago, and she was not on this retreat.
After the praying, we went to a octagon building to sing some more, for an
hour and a half. By now, I was VERY uncomfortable with EVERYTHING. We then
had dinner: a laszana, some kind of bow tie pasta meal, garlic bread, and
salad. After dinner we had the sixth talk which was about Fellowship of
Jesus. The importance of being in a community of others with the same goals
of following Jesus. Then it was 9PM, and party time!
They had a "Fooz-ball" table (OK, so I just butchered that). Played that
for a little while. Then watched a round of 19 people playing Moffia at
this big conference table in another room. It was LOTS of fun to watch.
I joined in the second game. I was Moffia, but the citizens were very
lucky in guessing. I was executed second round and the citizens won the
game by a large margin, the first time they had won the game in all the
times we played :). Each game took an hour so it was midnight before we
knew it. Time for bed.
Next morning had breakfast at 8. We sang some more, then had the last talk.
It was about what Campus Fellowship was about. In this and the last talk
they brought up some good points. Take a look at what kinds of things have
become common which if you (or I did anyway) take a second and
think about you might think are kind of wrong: gossip, slander, violence,
excessive drinking, womanizing, pornography (so many guys rooms have
posters). Why do we not acknowledge people and make people feel welcomed?
Look at Eric, he greets everyone! Why have we become so attached to our
material possesions? If you were asked to give up everything you have right
now and go follow God, what would you do? Pause? Say yes but in your heart
know the answer is no. I had a hard time saying yes myself. Religion is
not another merit badge to be added to a resume or another piece of the pie
chart that makes up "ME." It IS the pie, you should be building blocks on
the foundation, not making it another brick in the wall. Some very good
points they made.
After this we set out back home. Upon coming back, I fell asleep for three
hours, went to dinner, took care of some errands and went to church. After
church I found the priest, our rector, Father Herman and said I wanted to
talk to him. He had a meeting to attend but would meet me in an hour. Went
back to my room and talked to Eric about it a little more. Then went to see
Father. We talked (well, I did, mostly, a lot) for an hour. Not only did
I talk about the retreat, I ended up going through most my ND career. How
I had been in band, fencing... how I disapproved of Mardi Gras, the meaning
of the day and how our dorm saved up all its money just for the stupid
party I didn't even want to go to... about my friends RN and Perk (the
Notre Dame magazine was on his coffee table with the article about their
room which I showed him. He did his undergraduate degree in engineering).
By the end of the talk I had come to some conclusions, and felt better.
I went to bed, and spent the next two days catching up for the weekend I
lost.
So now I reflect back and say, "What to do?" I really like the people of
Campus Fellowship. I like the singing they do. God works in all the
different people in the world in different ways. The weekend was
insightful, it strengthened my faith. However, it was very uncomfortable
too. I would rather God use me to do his way other than tongues and
prophecy as I am absolutely sure he can. I can still teach about Him, as I
hope I am doing with this journal, and actively do his bidding by helping
people like volunteering and such, and in my work as Prof Izaguirra has
suggested with Opus Dei. As Gorski, my Theo prof would say though,
"Faith is a grace from God given to us. When we receive this faith, we
will want to respond with activity." I want to join a Christian group and I
think Father Herman may have found one for me.
It is late, and I have spent more than three hours writing this. If people
want to respond to this, get it down on a computer some how so I can have
future reflections.
C!
Got an email out of the blue today from Mad Dog, computer science
major graduate student and head manager for the Fencing team. He told
me about the home tournament coming up Feb 3rd and 4th. They need
judges and he said he would pay me $75 each day, plus meals. I
immediately wrote back "Woo hoo, sign me up!" It will be an all day
event but will be well worth it I think, and fun!
2+2=3
Got my bank statement today. A charge called "AIRGRD" prompted me to
figure out what it was, which then led to me going through ALL trans-
actions since August. This really straightened some confusion out.
Here were the insights.
1. Eric has not cashed a $12 check for groceries I gave him last
October!
2. AIRGRD was an AT&T charge on my account for using my debit card to
use a phone ON A PLANE to let them know my crazy flight situation
when I went home for X-mas. It was nearly $12 for 3 minutes! Holy
cow! It was an emergency though.
3. It turns out I did remember to record paying for the UT
application. However, though I was not absent minded I was a moron
and wrote down $40 instead of $50. Since I did go back later and
write the correct amount in the second time around I now have $40
more. Yea.
4. I paid a company $35 by check for some graduation stuff last year
that still has not cleared. That probably won't happen until
graduation time.
Keybank online was very useful in sorting out the problems. I am happy
that I was actually able to go back and sort out all the details
myself.
Positive
I didn't get a call today from health services so that means I don't
have strep. Yea. I still don't feel good.
Guitar
I borrowed Pauline's guitar today. I will use it for my lessons until
she needs it herself. I hope I come to enjoy playing guitar.
Nothing much than that. Tomorrow is Friday, which means we will be
done with two weeks this semester. Sixteen more and we are done. Wow.
C!
Had my first guitar lesson Friday. Sad that it is like 22 people to one
instructor considering we have to pay $150 just to take the class and you
would have to pay $113 if you did not have your own guitar, tuner, and
music just so you could RENT the stuff! Turns out it is a classical
guitar class. On the bad side this means we will not know how to play
anything that you would hear on the radio now adays as that is all power
chords. On the plus side, we learn how to finger (playing without a pic).
Good thing I was able to borrow Pauline's guitar. The instructor told
me right off the bat that it was too small for me and I could tell. It
will do for now. I really like it a lot so far. If by next week I could
play everything in the book I could audition and move up to guitar II
class. As far as the music goes it is insanely easy, but I am not use to
the instrument so I don't think I could be become that familiar in a
week with it.
Friday
Went and got some supplies with Paulin and Nelson for their Superbowl
party and some groceries for myself. On the way back, I let Nelson drive
as the roads were real snowy and I was going to have to be dropped off
to make my appointment to meet Eric. Nelson could not see the road and
the front right tire went off. He corrected to much and started swerving.
He was able to stop but it was kind of scary.
After that, met Eric at the gym and worked out. I am so out of shape it
makes me sad. It didn't help I am still sick too. Now nearly a week.
This really sucks. God seems to be against me working out for some
reason :)
Weekend
Looks like I will spend the weekend reading for research. Will go to
Pauline and Nelson's superbowl party and possibly a movie with Eric.
Guided-Wave Optics (tech)
------------------
This will quickly get over my head, since I only have 4 chapters of the
book and am not taking the class. I will just pick out whatever
insight I can get. Whenever I need a real equation, I will just write
it out in here like I would in LaTex :).
*Guided-wave optics: using a medium of one refractive index imbedded
in a medium of LOWER refractive index to guide light in a path without
the use of lenses or mirrors.
*Fiber optic most common, made of two concentric cylinders of low-loss
dielectric material.
*Integrated optics: being able to do a lot of optical things on a
single substrate like generation, focusing, splitting, combining,
isolation polarization, coupling, switching, modulation, and detection.
Wow.
*Can't analyze light reflections in the guide with just the physics of
optic reflection, must use electromagnetics. Associate each optical
ray with a transverse electromagnetic (TEM) plane wave. Total e.m.
field = sum of these plane waves.
* \lambda = \lambdao/n, k = n k_o, and v_p = c = co/n when in a medium
with refractive index n.
7.1 Sandwich mirror example (aka easy case)
--Reflections between the medium do not change polarization or ampli-
tude, but will cause a phase shift of pi each time.
--The book started talking about a wave that imposed "self-consistency,"
were the wave must reproduce itself after two reflects. It then went
on to give a formula that I think states that only certain bounce
angels cause self-consistency, sin(\theta_m) = m * \frac{\lambda}{2d}
where m = 1,2,... The corresponding field is called the mth mode.
m = 1 has smallest angle. m stands for mode. Modes represent
standing waves.
--Q: What is a propagation constant, k? \Beta?
--Q: A wave vector is something else I have not encountered.
--The cut-off wavelength of the waveguide is equal to the width of
the sandwhich (in this case 2d). Makes sense. This corresponds to
the cutoff frequency, v_{min} = \frac{c}{2d}.
--The light being guided does not have to be just one mode. It can be a
distribution of modes so long as the boudary condition is satisfied
(be zero at the boundary). To work out a TE or TM wave in this case,
just use that favorite engineering tool: superposition.
7.2 Planar Dielectric Waveguides
--slab of dielectric material surronded by media of lower refractive
indices. Light guieded by total internal reflection
--slab called the "film" and upper and lower media the "cover" and
"substrate." Also referred to as inner and outer media ("core" and
"cladding")
--As in microwaves, assuming the system to be LOSSLESS.
--Again, angle of light must be smaller than the critical angle
\thetac = \pi/2 - sin^-1(n_2/n_1) = cos^-1(n_2/n1) as larger angles
cause the ray to refract, losing power and dying out (Can be thought
of as the angle is so big the light actually does get past the
boundary of n1/n2).
--Using an analysis like what was in the last section, the waveguide
modes can be equated. For Self-Consistency Condition (TE Modes):
tan(\pi*d/\lambda*sin(\theta)-m*\pi/2) = (\frac{sin^2(\theta_c)}{...
sin^2(\theta)}-1)^.5 The equation is used to get the bounce angles,
\theta_m for mode m. The propagation constants are:
\Beta = n1*k_o*cos(\thetam).
--Q: What is the difference between M and m?
--There is a funky equation to find the number of Modes:
M .= 2*d/\lambdao*(n_1^2-n2^2)^.5 where .= is the equals sign with
a dot over it and it means "increase to the nearest integer." If we
had for example .9,1,1.1 then .= would become 1,2,2.
--No cutoff fequency in the dielectric waveguide as was in the mirror
waveguide. The waveguide will be single-mode if the slab is
suffciently thin or the wavelength is sufficiently long.
--The field does NOT become zero at the boundaries! However, the field
will be continuous.
--Q: When would one use a TE vs TM representation?
7.3 Two-dimensional Waveguides
--Light confined in the x and y directions.
--Still the same ideas, just a lot more math. An important particular
example (which is what Chapter 8 covers) is a cylindrical dielectric
waveguide used in optical fibers.
--Will do the general case of a cross-section that is square (dxd).
--Plane wave of wavevector (kx,k_y,kz). If the multiple reflections
of this plane wave are to exist self-consistently inside the guide,
it must satisfy the conditions:
2*kx*d = 2*\pi*m_x, mx = 1,2,...
2*ky*d = 2*\pi*m_y, my = 1,2,...
These are generalizations.
--Can find the propagation constant, \Beta = k_z by:
kx^2_k_y^2+\Beta^2 = n^2*ko^2, so there are a finite number of nodes.
--There will be roughly m^2 nodes in the 2 dimensional case than 1D.
--Number of modes is a measure of degrees of freedom.
--Q: Why do you want to know the number of modes?
--There are many types of waveguides and geometries which they refer the
reader to different books on.
7.4 Optical Coupling in Waveguides
--As said earlier, the complex amplitude of the optical field is
generally a superposition of these modes:
E(x,y)= \Sum am*u_m(y)*exp(-j*\Beta_m*z), a_m is amplitude and um(y)
is the transvers distribution
--Can use a lens to couple the light into a waveguide at an end.
Because of the small dimensions of the waveguide slab, focusing and
alignment are usually difficult and the coupling is inefficient
(aka my job)
--Can use an LED instead of lens, just put it at the waveguide and adjust
the spacing for maximum coupling.
--Other methods of coupling are to use a Prism, another waveguide, or
a diffraction grating.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Went with Eric, and two of his friends to see this movie. Did not know
it was entirely subtitled but it was a really neat movie. As is typical
of Chinese Kung Fu movies, the main characters were larger than life in
their personalities and skills, the really skilled characters did,
literarly, a lot of flying around the battlefield, and it had a story
line not uncommon of the epic final fantasy video games.
Reading
Have tried to read as much as I could for research, amounting to just
two of the four chapters I was given to read. Hard to focus on the
stuff for long periods of time, especially while still sick. At 4, I
will go to mass, after that to Abe and Nelson's for a superbowl party.
-----------------------
Chapter 8 Fiber Optics|
-----------------------
*Optical fiber a cylindrical dielectric waveguide made of low-loss
materials such as silica glass (SiO2).
*Central core guides light and outer cladding has slightly lower
refractive index.
*Recent technology, light can be guided through 1 km of glass fiber
with a loss as low as .16dB (3.6%). Wow!
*Same kind of analysis, now with a cylinder shape. Light propagates
in the form of modes. Each mode travels along the axis of the wave-
guide with a distinct propagation constant and group velocity, keeping
its spatial distribution and polarization.
*There are singlemode and multimode fibers.
*Start having problems with light propagation in multimode fiber from
differences among group velocities of the modes. Causes variety of
travel times and broadens the light pulse as it travels through the
fiber. Called "modal dispersion." The limits speed at which
adjacent pulses can be sent without overlap and sets the speed of the
fiber-optic system.
*A fix to modal dispersion is to grade the refractive index of the core
from max at center to min at core/cladding boundary. Is called a
"graded-index fiber" vs. "step-index fiber." The grade increases the
velocity with distance from the core axis and makes the travel time of
the different rays equal.
8.1 Step-Index Fibers
--Usually specified by a and b radii and standard diameter sizes:
2a/2b 8/125, 50/125,100/140 (in um)
--The refractive indices of n1 n1 differ only slightly.
--Refraction index changed by low concentrations of doping materials
--n_1 typically 1.44 to 1.46
--Meridional rays: rays in planes passing through the fiber axis that
behave like in a planar waveguide
--Skewed rays: rays that dont' pass through the fiber axis but in
planes that are || to the fiber axis.
--A ray incident in air can enter the fiber if it makes an angle,
\theta_a, that will guide the ray into the fiber with an angle less
than the critical angle (air has a different refraction than the
fiber and so enters at one angle but will be at a different angle
once it crosses the boundary). Snell's law says:
1*sin(\thetaa) = n_1*sin(\thetac)
so the angle, \theta_a (acceptance angle), must be smaller than:
\theta_a = sin^-1(NA)
where:
NA = (n1^2-n2^2)^.5, the Numerical Aperture.
--T: It would be good to see how the test fixture works with normal
diodes, to see the degrees of freedom.
--A mode is a special solution that has a distinct propagation constant,
a characteristic field distribution in the transverse plane, and two
independent polarization states.
--Book went through a lot of derivations to find u(r), the complex
amplitude over r, the radius of the fiber (cladding and core).
--Again, the amplitude spills over into the cladding a little and the
amplitude looks like a decaying exponential.
--Two parameters that were defined where k_T and \gamma that determine
the rate of change of u(r) in the core and cladding. Larger k_T
means faster oscillation of the radial distribution in the core.
A larger \gamma means faster decay and smaller penetration of the
wave into the cladding.
--Book claims it is convenient to normalize k_T and \gamma:
X = k_T*a
Y = \gamma*a, a is core/cladding boundary
X^2+Y^2 = V^2
where:
V = NA*ko*a = 2*pi*a/\lambdao*NA
--V is the fiber parameter or V parameter. For the wave to be guided
X must be smaller than V.
--The book did not show, but EXPLAINED how to derive the modes. There
are two indices, l and m, characterizing azimuthal and radial
distributions. u(r) depends on l and m. l=0 are meridional rays.
--Most fibers are weakly guiding (n1 ~= n2) making the guided ray
approx. The longitudinal components of the electric and magnetic
fields are weak and the transverse components strong, thus making
the wave ~= TEM. Linear polarization in x and y directions form
orthogonal states of polarization. The linearly polarized (l,m)
mode is usually denoted as the LP_lm mode (I guess that is just a
name. So in making them weakly guiding we can think of the ray as
a TEM).
--Q: What is LHS and RHS?
--Wow. So now a new equation if found that relates X to Y that is
small in size but large in complexity. For a given l and V, a value
of X can be found graphically for a particular value of m. Once
Xlm is found the K_Tlm values, \gamma_lm values, \Betalm, and
radial distribution function u_lm(r) may be found. Thats a good
amount of work and it only gives ANOTHER function that is used to
see the intensity of the transverse wave for a given radius value.
In the end it makes some NICE distributions, like looking at the
cross section of a fiber optic and seeing in different shades the
intensity of the light. All for a l and m. Yikes!
--For fibers with large V, an approximation to the number of modes can
be made:
M ~= \frac{4}{pi^2}*V^2
--The book gives formulas that are approxiamtions to the propagation
constant and group velocities. I will not bother going into them
as I don't think it is relevant to my research.
--Single-mode fibers operate in the LP_01 mode (V < 2.405). So to do
this have a small core diameter and small NA (n2 close to n1).
--Why single mode? Multimode fiber has modes that travel at different
group velocities and therefore have different time delays. There are
also less dispersion effects., lower power attenuation, higher data
rates.
--Multimode fiber also experiences random interference to the modes
from imperfections, strains, and temp. flux. Each mode has a random
phase shift seen as a noise called "modal noise" or "speckle."
8.2 Graded-index Fibers
--Equations are setup so that step-index fibeer is a special case of
the graded index fiber.
--It is hard to do the math for the modes as was done previously.
Instead, an approximation based on picturing the field distribution
as a quasi-plane wave traveling within the core is used. (works for
large V)
--These quasi-plane waves refer to material in chapter 2 so it is hard
for me to follow. After a lot of math that was hard to follow, it
came up with an equation for the number of modes:
M ~= V^2/2
The solutions for propagation constants look more difficult. Again,
equation for group velocity found.
8.3 Attenuation and Dispersion
--Attenuation limits the magnitude of the optical power transmitted
--Dispersion limits the rate at which data may be transmitted through
the fiber as it governs the temporal spreading of optical pulses
--attenuation coefficient = \alpha = 1/L*10*log_10(1/J) in dB/km
where J = ratio of transmitted to incident power (P(L)/P(0))
--L is length of fiber
--absorption (attenuation) of SiO2 strongly dependent on wavelength
(cool figure).
--impurities cause extrinsic absorption effects, such as OH from the
processing of SiO2.
--All these losses are over different bands of wavelengths so the
wavelengths are chosen to minimize these effects.
--Four types of dispersion in optical fiber: modal dispersion,
material dispersion, waveguide dispersion, and nonlinear dispersion.
--Modal dispersion: impulse of light entering an M-mode fiber at
z = 0 spreads into M pulses with their delay spreading.
--Material dispersion: glass causes the ray to disperse
--Waveguide dispersion: the group velocities of the modes depend on
the wavelength.
--There were about 30 books, 4 journals, and 10 articles to go to for
additional reading just for this chapter. Geez.
Superbowl
Well, there was a very exciting 36 seconds to that game (I think everyone
knows which). Other than that, naaah. :) I didn't expect Nelson to
have 12 people in his room with food. Very compact but a nice time. A
few quality superbowl commercials. I wonder how much "gravity" sold for?
Doctor
Finally went to the doctor today. Being on TriCare insurance (my parents)
I MUST see a specific doctor in the area. I go and see the ND doctors
when I can't get off campus or have something minor to take care off.
I have only been once before, last spring I think, for a check up. Its
funny, cause I saw the doctor to see that everything was OK only to have
so many problems afterwards. :) The man is Dr. Kotoske. He has been
practicing for over 35 years. He graduated from ND a long time ago. He
has awards all over his office. His kids have grown up and gone off to
do many things, like become doctors themselves, law school, and one of
them won some Emmy awards. Must be an amazing family. He practices in
a house turned general practice. I drove past it the first time going out
as it doesn't look like a doctor's place of business. The house seems
old and the business has "lived in" it for a long time as there is stuff
everywhere, the kind of stuff one collects over the years.
When I arrived it was empty except the nurses and secretaries that run
the place. First thing they wanted was a urine sample. It never fails,
every time a doctor wants a urine sample I end up not remembering/ not
being told (not told in this case) and will have gone to the rest room
just before coming. I then end up drinking more than 12 of those stupid
little cups of water, waiting an hour, and then after the visit having to
go 6 times in the next hour. This was no exception!
What made it even worse was this family came in with a LOT of little kids
who kept going in the restroom to wash hands, use rest room, & goof around
when I finally needed to go. The whole thing from a third person view
I'm sure was comical. I finally got to see the doctor after that.
Dr. Kotoske does not look as old as what he probably is. He is still
sharp as a scalpal (while waiting I got to see him handle a salesman who
came by with a new drug and wanted to cheer him when he was done). I
have always felt that other doctors use what I say to figure what is
wrong and make some judgement based on what I said, not one what is
actually wrong. What makes me say that? The last three doctors I talked
to about my back said it would be just fine. They were wrong.
This is not the case with this doctor. When he asks me questions, I feel
as though it is just to give him a clue, before he precedes on what to do.
Kind of like a news report: you know what is being said is biased but
if you dig you find the facts.
He came in and I told him my problems. After telling him all about the
accident last summer, him asking me all kinds of questions, he went
through the lab report on the urine sample. Yes, it was already done!
He went through about 25 different things like sodium count, calcium,
and a whole lot of things telling me why he looked at each of them and
what they can be indicators of. Most were great, but two were not. Some
count, which he told me but I would not have the foggiest idea of what it
was anymore, told him about some liver enzymes. He said that a year ago
they had been high, now they had doubled. He said that them being high
is a sign of hepatitus so he said "Better to be safe, I will have you
go get screened for them." That is kind of scary, I hope it turns out OK.
Next we have the back. As last time I had visited he did a number of
gymnastics on my back and neck. I think I heard my bones crack 12 times.
When he did this twist on my back he said "Yeah, that really needed to be
done." Looking back on this now, the old nagging feeling in my back
definitely is not there. He may have caused some other pain to
resurface but I do think he hit at someting. When he asked me if I had
any x-rays done I said "No, they said they didn't really need to be
done." Dr. Kotoske wants me to get this special kind of x-ray done on my
back (same place as the screening). While doing all this, he ran across
something else. When I was on my back he said he noticed that I may be
short legged. Yes, its what it sounds like. This is another reason why
he wants this x-ray done. I have known that I have one arm longer than
the other, one ear higher than the other (my glasses when set on a table
have a tilt), and that I have weird fingers and toes. My large toes look
like thumbs, my thumbs are skinner in the middle than at the end, and my
fingers are just weird. My legs being abnormal would not surprise me.
The last thing was this illness I have had. I guess it has pretty much
passed as he really did not say anything about it. However, he knew I
had a sinus infection. How? I don't know, he hadn't done anything that
would have made me think he had looked at it but when he was almost done
he said "Let me double check" and pushed on some spot on the side of my
head (I don't remember what sinus gland it was, but I knew he was
pushing on one as I saw a chart outside that showed all the glands
earlier) from which I winched in pain. He prescribed me an antibiotic
and Clariton.
There was a Walgreens down the street, and the doctor's receptionist told
me they took TriCare, so I immediately went and got my prescriptions
filled. Good thing they took TriCare, it cost me $18 instead of $100 to
get the stuff!
Well, time to try and get some work done. What a day.
C
Busy as a bee as late. Research reading, Mechanics homework, medical
errands, meetings, taxes, etc. I filed my taxes electronically
today. In doing so, you must get or use software from a commercial
company that will charge you anywhere from $10 to $25 to send it
electronically. I chose the cheapo route, a program called Tax Slayer
that will send it electronically for $9.95. The Bad: sucky user
interface and it took 2 hours to download the program @ 1kps even with
the school's fast connection (if anyone wants it, I can just email it
to them). The Good: Cheapest, did a good job sending the return, and
(most importantly) if something is wrong and the IRS sends it back it
is FREE to resend it. This last positive was not true with some of
the other programs.
My debt to the school will soon be taken care of. Dana of the MEP
office called financial aid in my presence to setttle it. It seems
that, yes, the MEP gave me my normal scholarship and then fin aid
promptly removed an equal amount of my other aid. When asked why the
answer was basically that according to the numbers (FAFSA, profile,
etc.) they received last year my parents should have been able to
contribute. When I asked Dana about showing proof that they never
could she said it would not work, so they will give me some more
Stafford loans and a Perkin's loan to finish paying things off. If in
the future ND sends me any donation request cards I know exactly where
to put them. I don't know the exact ammount at all but I will be
~$20,000 in debt when I leave, not bad at all considering it has cost
probably ~$120,000 to go here. I will start paying my loans off this
summer, and I will start a ROTH IRA.
My Mechanics teacher, who is a 5th year grad student, has a lab on the
B (for "bottom" I guess :) level of Fitz. Inside is a huge mechanical
arm that is controlled by cameras and computers. He said that he
would give a demonstration later. This brings new meaning to "picking
up a girl."
Tonight, the Keenan review. Tomorrow, Emag project/homework. This
weekend, fencing tournament. Lots to do.
C
this will not be to long.
Thursday
Went to Keenan review. Good stuff. Many thanks to Andy for VIP
seating. I had never thought of why Nike might not have woman in their
recent commercials until the Keenan boys showed me why.
Oh, Craig Lent, my Emag professor, the advisor of the Campus Fellowship
seminar I went on, founder of Quantum Dots, and all over great guy
wrote me an email saying:
"Chris,
Do you know what you want to do in graduate school? Do you
have a non-zero probability of going to ND? Any interest
in working on quantum-dot theory?"
Wow, the Lentinator would like me to work under him. I REALLY want to
try some where else. I know that the advisor is the MOST important
part of graduate school and I hope to God there are some good guys at
UCSB. I asked him about my schools to which he said:
"Santa Barbara has a group led by experimentalist Evelyn Hu that
does work in Nano. UCLA has a strong chemistry group in Nano
but the only Nano EE guy I know there is to be avoided."
Guess UCLA is going to be out of the picture. I must visit the
schools. Oh, heard through the grape vine that approx. 250 students
applied to ND's EE grad department of which 14 where American :).
Friday
Spent most the evening working with Abe, Eric, and Patrick Shay on the
emag project/hw2 as I would be busy all weekend directing. Good
progress and team work. Eric Blair is now the proud owner of ALL 93
episodes of the original Transformer cartoon series!!! He bought if
off Ebay and with the help of me, Abe, and Pat we helped to win at the
LAST SECOND by SIX CENTS! Go Eric! The tapes are for Eric's younger
brother, possibly as a surprise B-day present. So they will be shipped
to ND where, since they'll be around, I guess we'll have to watch them.
:)
Saturday
"Fencers ready... Fence!" Went from 8:30 to 6 judging Epee, 6 rounds.
Many "green" judges, including me, due to the number of judges needed
(20!). My first judging was between Wayne State and Lawrence where
the WS women's captain asked me
Her "Have you fenced before?"
Me "Yes, I used to be on the ND team."
Her "And you don't remember this because...?" :)
Me List of excuses such as 1st time directing and being away for a
year.
The second round I judged Air Force Academy and I can't remember who
else. AFA had to help me out too :). By the end of the day I
was a pro though and I now see how to make some of the rulings for
foil and saber. I wouldn't want to try though! Those weapons the
judge can make bad calls if you are not good.
Once done, I went to eat, called parents, then took a nap. After my
nap, I realized it was time to go to bed ;). My medication has been
causing me to take an hour+ extra to fall asleep each night and to wake
up through out the night. It has also caused me to have the most
interesting, creative, adventurous, and coolest dreams I have ever had
:). I forget the details but being able to fly like a bird was cool!
I don't know what the heck I was but it was not human, maybe a duck?
Sunday
Had to get up at 7AM , ugh, to get to the meet by 7:45. This day went
much faster and I got to actually watch many ND bouts. I think we did
well. We were done at 3PM.
Took a nap (I am soooo tired), then dinner, and off to the lab to work
on Mechanics. Perk got a B-day cake yesterday and so I was called into
action to eat as much as I could (is starting to become stale). At
8PM Perk gets my attention and says "It's 8, do u know what that means?
We must go watch the Simpsons!" "OK," I said, and we did :). It was
a great episode. I also helped the juniors with some electronics, glad
to see my long term memory isn't completely burnt. Time for week 4 of
school to start.
C!
I have spent over 20 hours the last three days making a Matlab program for
Emag. It's our second homework assignment: make a Graphical User Interface
(GUI) that plots an electromagnetic wave in a linear medium and its power
density, make the wave MOVE with time, and calculate some other values, all
based on user inputs. We are suppose to present them tomorrow in class. I
pushed away all my other homework to do it but I did a NICE job.
AT&T
Got a call Monday that I am a finalist in the AT&T labs. Yes, THEE lab were
the transistor, C, C++, and tons of other research projects came out of. At
first I thought it was a fellowship for minorities but I think it is more
general, or else I would have told my friends going to grad school about
it). They just try to get minorities I guess. So I fly out to New Jersey
next week Friday for interviews and see what projects people are working on.
Cool! As a finalist, that means they have twice as many people as scholar-
ships and grants than finalists. The fellowship is renewable up to 6 years
paying all tuition, books, expenses, and monthly $1200 stippend (up to
$250000), wow! Plus they MENTOR you, which even they recognize to be the
most important part of it all. All that is required in return is work at
the labs in the summer. I think that is very fair, would take longer to
get a PhD, but wow.
Car
My car is dead again. I bet it is another bad battery. This would be the
third or forth bad battery I have had since I have had the car after
freshman year. Grrrrr. Back to Sears with the receipt.
Stats
Funny item in the school paper the other day with all kinds of crazy stats.
Here are some highlights:
*Chances a ND student will mary another Domer: 2/3 (as usual, I am an odd
ball :*)
*PETA is doing research at ND regarding the overfeeding of squirrels. :)
*Reasons to skip class:
3. Class is too boring
2. You knew there wasn't going to be a quiz
1. Doing work for another class.
C!
Money
So I have been running out of money and have been waiting for some to
come in from one of four sources: tax return, TI profit sharing,
work, and a check for Fencing the tournament. I woke up this morning
to look at my pitiful checking account to see that it had grown by
more than 25 times. My tax return had been direct deposited two days
ago, SEVEN DAYS AFTER I FILED ELECTRONICALLY I GOT IT BACK! :) Well
worth the ten dollars to do it.
Car
Wednesday Nelson I let Nelson borrow my car only to find out later that
it was dead (I said this before). Thursday I went to parking lot with
Joe (ex-roomate, great guy) who gave me a jump, then took it to Sears.
Turns out that the positive cable was loose so the battery was not
charging. The only way we got it working was probably because I put
the jumpers on the clamp part. They replaced, checked and charged the
battery, I paid $8, and was on my way. Woo hoo!
Parent's, Car
My parent's car is another story. The nice used 96 Misubishi Diamonte
Wagon they got a year ago is turning into a lemon. I have already said
that they had to fix many things but now it has some real problems and
they are trying to get rid of it now (have to get it fixed first though
because for what is wrong nobody would buy it). Parents just aren't
getting any breaks. They are looking into some kind of weekend job or
something now as things just suck so much.
Pants
Went to J.C. Penny's yesterday to find new pants for my suit: yes, I
let them out last semester and yes, they don't fit anymore. I can't
believe it. Turns out that the suit was from Dillard's and each store
has there own colors such that things may look close there will be no
perfect matches to be found in another store. There are no Dillard's
around either. Bought a pair or 38 pants that come close in texture
and color but do not have the pin stripes that the coat does. Unless
I can borrow a suit from a friend it is what I will have to do.
Hmmm... I could go buy a suit now. I will have to ask the folks what
to do.
Weather
Well, we went from snow, to cold, to raining (for two days), to two
nice days of mid 50's weather only to have the last nice day
(yesterday) by night turn into a cold, extremely windy, snowy night.
The snow was almost melted away by the rain and is now back in force.
All Paid Up
Looked at my student account today. The loan adjustments came in and I
am in the black by a dollar. I am finally all squared away with ND.
It was sad to go to more loans but nice that my debt for a school that
costs like $130,000 for everything I will ended up paying ~$2000 in
cash and will have ~$20,000 in loans. I would usually get more than
$25,000 in aid but with the loans this year it was more than $35,000
in aid. ND does the best job in the nation in the financial aid
department than any other school, I must profess. It was one of the
reasons I choose ND, they helped out more than any other school, and
I am happy they let me attend such a great school. I will not donate
back to the school at large but to the ND engineering and my club
MAESSHPE where I think more funds need to go too. That will be a while
though, first I have to get through grad school, get a job, get settled,
help my parents and family, and then we will even think about donating
:).
Friday Night
After getting the pants, ate dinner with Steven Reed. Reed is an EE
who is only finishing out the degree because he has come so far. He
is extremely smart but does not want to be an engineer. He is staying
for five years as he was accepted to the MBA program (very competitive
to do) and so will have that by next year too. What he does care about
is ND football. The man is a walking library of ND football facts,
stories, and crazy stats. I sat there at dinner listening to him
spew out ND trivia for half an hour while people at the table who new
him said "He has to be making it up. No one can no that much stuff."
Later that night went to workout at the Rocke with Eric. 20 minutes
into 30 of jogging on the treadmill the power in the entire building
went out. At the time we were both going fast and luckily we didn't
slam into the front of the machines ;). I could only credit it to
the bad weather mentioned above. My knees were kind of sore (yes, a
new problem I have been having the last couple of days) and I did not
want to walk to the other side of campus. So we tried my dorms weight
room. I will never go back. What a load of junk. Then we went to
Keough Hall's weight room. We did some stuff there, gave up, then
vowed never to return there either. We went to LaFun and talked to
Perk and Anne. Then we left to clean up. Eric came over to my room
at 11 and we watched Transformers until 3 in the morning while coloring
Valentine postcards for people :). Good stuff.
Today will be an easy day of grading papers and reading for research.
Tomorrow will also be nice. So nice to have the weekends back again.
C!
Hybrid
My parents went to the car dealers this weekend trying to see how much
they could get for the car. At most, only about half of the debt they
owe on it so no go there. They did however get to try out a Hybrid
car. Made by Toyota, the Pirus is only available to be bought online.
The dealers can have one but may not sell it. The thing gets ~50 miles
to the gallon and even better in the city. This is because when you
push on the breaks it helps charge the battery :). Very cool. They
retail for about $23,000. Its small but has more room than a Celica.
Huh. Maybe one day I will get one.
Blah
I have felt yucky for a week now, like I did when I had the sinus
infection. My heard just hurts, and I really don't want to do anything.
I ran Monday morning. My knees hurt again too. Great, a new thing to
add to my list of ailments: bad knees, bad back, sickly, bad memory.
I'm 21 but act like 50 :). Can't say I didn't try to take care of
myself. Everytime I start working out something strikes me down!
Sis
Finally heard from my sister. She has been really busy as of late and
didn't even want to tell me how much sleep she had been getting. She
managed to pick up a boy friend in the last three weeks though.
Funny
Courtesy of RN:
God did not create the world in seven days; he screwed around for six
days and then pulled an all-nighter.
I had other things to write but decided "I'll leave them in an
open notepad window instead of a quick note in my Palm Pilot." Windows
has since crashed twice, eating my thoughts because I forgot to hit
save (or did I?). Grrr... Only in software can people get away with
an unreliable product. If bad programmers keep it up, there going to
bring about laws for quality control, as there are for most things
(cars, restraunts) and then the good programmers of the world will have
to put up with a bunch of red tape, geez.
----------------------------
Chapter 17 Photon Detectors|
----------------------------
*Is a device that measures photon flux or optical power by converting
energy of absorbed photons into a measurable form(ex camera).
*2 classes: 1. thermal detectors 2. photoelectric
*photoeffect takes 2 forms: 1. photoelectric emission (external)
2. photoconductivity (internal)
*Once EHP creation, MUST have an electric field to transport the
electron and hole through the material. No wonder why diodes are used,
they have a built in E-field.
*If E-field large enough, the EHP may acquire sufficient energy to
liberate other electrons and holes by impact ionization. Thus,
responsivity is enhanced.
17.1 Properties of Semiconductor Photodetectors
--Quantum efficiency, n: The probability that a SINGLE photon incident
on the device generates a photoncarrier pair that contributes to the
detector current. (0 =< n =< 1)
--When many photons, n is ratio of flux of generated EHP that contribute
to the detector current to the flux of incident photons.
--Photons may not be detected because it is a probability if it gets
absorbed, photon may be reflected at the surface of detector, the EHP
could recombine due to a recombination center, and the light may not
be properly focused onto the active area of detector (this last one
is not factored into n though).
-- n = (1- \R)*\Zeta*[1-exp(-\alpha*d)] \R=optical power reflectance
at the surface
\alpha=the absorption coef. \Zeta=fraction of EHP that
of the material (cm^-1) contribute successfully to
d=photodector depth the detector currnet
--Reflection can be reduced by antireflection coatings.
--Surface recombination can be reduced by careful material growth
--Large d to make n better.
--\alpha depends on wavelength so n does too.
--Responsivity, R, relates electric current flowing in device to the
incident optical power.
R = n*e/hv = n*\lambda_o/1.24 (A/W)
--This is not the same as light emitting-diode eff. (units W/A)
--If the optical power is to large, the detector will saturate, and
responsivity can be degraded.
--If the device has gain (instead of e, carrier prodgeneration.
--I was so turned off by 5 pages into the reading in this section that
I skipped it. This concluded this chapter.
Happy Valentine's everyone.
Yup. I'm still grading. The TA called me yesterday and said "Can you
have the papers you'll get tomorrow done Friday?" ME: "I'll be out of
town." Long pause. I ended up agreeing to finish all 54 papers the
same day I got them and give them to him the next morning before I
leave. So I am spending my entire Valentine's day grading papers.
Does that sound like a loser to anyone else or just me? :)
Long random discussion ahead. Skip across to the chapter on optical
communication systems if not in the mood :).
Had some neat discussion with Anne this morning. I've been playing
catch up for a while now and it was nice to take a few to just talk.
My friends think I am just working to hard as C-dawg usually does but
they are wrong. With extra things like the Fencing tournament and this
trip tomorrow I am just trying to get done what I have to. I have not
even touched all the insurance BS (at LEAST 10 things I have to do
there that will take some time) to try and get it finally officially
said "Yes, damn it, there are problems with my back and you all
blew it off." Nor have done much for design and should have been
done reading for research last week.
Anyway, so in talking to Anne one subject we talked about was people
who have grown up, that is, people who are no longer searching for who
they are and accept the person they are. It made me think of
highschool and first two years of college. In my first highschool I
had at least a group of friends I could relate to but always felt
distant from the group. Things were worse when we moved to "Loserana"
where I don't think I hung out with anyone from my class and only a
handful of people from sophomore and junior levels. The seniors
especially always made me feel as if I was a weirdo and didn't talk to
me unless they had to or the guys were trying to get me to say or do
something stupid as I do at times :). Yes, I took work seriously. No,
I didn't drink and do acts of stupidity. I felt gratified that what I
was doing was right when at graduation I received more senior awards
from the facaulty and such than anyone else (in only two years mind
you, I never won any of the popularity based things) and I knew I would
be going to ND and only one other person was going out of state for
college.
From what I gathered from visiting, I thought college, ND in particular
because it is such an elitist and Catholic school, would be this cool
place with lot's of smart people who did funny antics at times, because
they had the freedom to do so and wanted to express it, with millions
of things to do and tons of knowledge to be learned that would blow my
mind. Then in the first week I found that most people where the same
way as back home, except on a grander scale. Few people seem to care
about the knowledge, they just want the paper so they can get the job
that comes with it. However, coming to ND meant coming to a large
pool of people which with so many variables means one thing: variety.
I didn't meet these people until sophomore year though. In the mean
time I just felt like I didn't fit in. One of my roomates was nice
like me but I never got to spend time with him as I wasn't doing well
in my classes despite the level of effort. So kept peddling on
thinking "Why am I working so hard?" and feeling like I didn't fit in
again. I had some friends from Balfour Hesbergh program, the summer
before coming to ND and three of them are still and always will be
friends, but next year I would see them less.
Then came summer, my first intern experience. It was a blast. I had
free time, work was at least an order of magnitude less stressful, and
I made lots of money. I also hung out with some cool people.
This let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I came back
sophomore year and made changes. I cut my hair differently for the
first time in years. I dropped band and took up Fencing. I got
contacts. Then I finally met people like Eric, Perk, Joe (roomate),
and such. Perk was especially different (I couldn't believe he was an
engineer when I first met him :*) and Eric was the most noble person
I'd ever met. Another year at the grindstone and another fun
summer experience. By junior year I felt happy that I was NOT like
most people I see in my dorm. I no longer cared about even trying to
do anything with the dorm, I just go on about my business there
socializing with people who I think are actually cool like my
RA, a kid named Brian, Tom (one of my roomates from freshman year), and
such. I also like our rector (he got a degree in engineering!) and
have had some good conversation with him.
So by junior year I was happy with who I was. The idea then became
that senior year I would try new experiences. I completely screwed
that up by taking two VERY long lab classes and being the one to do
homework first (so it took me longest). This semester homework is not
eating up the time, its all the other stuff besides work and fun that
is eating up all the time (or is time just going faster?? :). I have
tried a few things. I can leave finding experiences up to my friends,
especially Perk and RN, as they always find fun things to do. I don't
like bars, I gave it two tries and will go every once in a while with
friends. I liked to go to RN's movie night and BW3s but this has been
just screwed the last three weeks because of above mentioned other
"stuff." I am taking guitar and want that to be something to continue
doing. It would be kick a$$ to go out to Cali and learn how to really
play and be in a band :) but that is just a thought in the air. Oh, I
have tried leading my own experiences but they never work. My last
failed attempt was trying to get people to come to my room and watch
transformers and color postcards last Friday with Eric and I. That
failed miserably (but was fun just the two of us anyway). I can think
of other experiences throughout the last year and even the summer. It
made me feel real good when NOT ONE PERSON showed up to a dinner and
movie deal the last day of my internship when I sent out the invitation
by email a day or two earlier. So I'll stick to trying to do things
with other people--my schedule is usually out of sink with all my friends
but I'll just keep trying. So in conclusion, I am happy, I just want to
get some more experiences under my belt. I bet my friends even now
just can't understand why I do or act some ways. I think I can say its
because I haven't had a chance to see or try the alternatives.
This Chapter was pretty cool:
--------------------------------------
Chapter 22 Fiber-optic Communications|
--------------------------------------
*Wow. It says that fiber-optics are already used for voice, data,
telemetry, and video. It could also be used for many other things like
cable TV.
*Advantages:
>enormous transmission capacity
>can go long distances before needing reamplification
>immune to EM interference
>ease of instillation
*LEDs and LASERs used for sources.
*Proposed that houses will be reached by diode lasers.
22.1 Components of the Optical Fiber Link
--Oh, a good explanation of a mode finally: "Light waves travel in the
fiber in the form of modes, each with a distinct spatial distribution,
polarization, propagation constant, group velocity, and attenuation
coefficient. There is, however, a correspondence between each mode and
a ray that bounces within the core in a distinct trajectory."
--It is quickly going through all the material I read on fiber-optics.
--1.55 um is a good wavelength to send at as the attenuation and dispersion
are very low.
--A communication channel is usually characterized by its impulse response
function, h(t). Can also characterize it by its transfer function, H(f).
The attenuation coefficient defined as
\alpha(f)= -10*log_10(|H(f)|)/L
--Three important measures of performance are the attenuation, response
time (width of h(t)), and bandwidth (width of |H(t)|)
--Other material than Silica glass are being experimented to reduce
attenuation.
--Erbium-doped silica fibers serve as laser amplifiers. 30 to 45 dB amp.
with low noise and crosstalk between different signals sent
simultaneously.
--At high power levels (tens of miliwatts) optical fibers exhibit
nonlinear properties. Generally are bad, but can be harnessed to reduce
(eve nullify) chromatic dispersion in the fiber.
--Sources must be considered for power (high enough to be detected at end),
speed (can the source power be modulated at desired rate), linewidth
(reduce chromatic dispersion in fiber), noise (must be free from noise),
and other factors such as ruggedness, insensitivity to environment,
reliability, cost, and lifetime.
--laser diodes, surface emitting LED, and side emitting LED are common.
--pin photodiode and apd are common detectors.
--many combinations of different fibers, sources, and detectors may be
appropriate, they go into three specific systems (generations).
1.Multimode Fibers at .87um
*technology of early 1970s. step or graded fiber. LED or laser source.
pin or apd detectors. Performance limited by fiber's high attenuation
and modal disperison.
2.Single-mode Fibers at 1.3um
*move to single mode and wavelength where material dispersion is minimal
led to substantial improvement. Limited by fiber attenuation
*InGaAsP laser with pin or apd.
3.Single-mode Fibers at 1.55um
*fiber has lowest attenuation but limited by dispersion, which is
reduced by use of single-freq lasers
--AT&T TAT-9 transatlantice fiber-optic cable is 3rd generation.
Transmits 560 Mb/s per fiber pair; some 80,000 simultaneous voice
communication channels!!! Connects US/Canada to UK, France, and Spain,
approx. 6000km. Repeaters every 100km. Engineering is amazing!! Up
since 1991.
--AT&T and KDD in Japan will create a transpacific fiber-optic link
that, thanks to Er^3+ silica-amplifiers 600,000 simultaneous voice-
communication channels!!!! Wow! The repeaters will be every 40km
but they don't have to be electrically powered!
--Soliton are short optical pulses that can travel through long lengths
of optical fiber without changing the shape of their pulse envelop.
The effects of fiber dispersion and nonlinear self-phase modulation
precisely cancel. Using the Erbium-doped (Er^3+) amps with this,
prototypes have already been shown to work at several Gb/s over
12,000km fibers! Solition transmission in Tb/s rates are in the
distance! Wow!
--All these systems are direct detection, only the signal light
illuminates the photodector.
--Fourth generation systems will use coherent detection. A locally
generated source of light (local oscillator) illuminates the
photodetector along with the signal.
22.2 Modulation, Multiplexing, and Coupling
--It is hard to modulate light by frequency or phasec(need VERY stable
source, polarization becomes a problem, hard to modulate phase or
frequency of light)
--Are called coherent communication systems since they need a highly
coherent source.
--Can do intensity modulation. Each bit represented by on or off.
Called on-off keying (OOK).
--Heterodyne- to combine (as a radio frequency) with a different
frequency so that a beat is produced. of or relating to the production
of an electrical beat between two radio frequencies of which one usually
is that of a received signal-carrying current and the other that of an
uninterrupted current introduced into the apparatus; also : of or
relating to the production of a beat between two optical frequencies.
--Couplers always operate on the incoming signal in the same manner to
direct it. Switches are controllable couplers.
--optical couplers constructed by miniature beamsplitters, lenses, graded-
index rods, prisms, filters, and gratings compatible with the small size
of the optical beams transmittedb by fibers. Technology called micro-
optics. :)
22.3 System Performance
--An intermediate receiver-transmitter unit connecting 2 adjacent links
called a regenerator or repeater.
--performance of system measured by probability of error per bit (bit
error rate, BER). Typical 10^-9 (one error every 10^9 bits).
--sensitivity of reciever the min. number of photons per bit necessary to
guarantee BER smaller than what wanted.
--errors because randomness of photon being detected and noise.
--senstivity of ideal receiver is 10 photons/bit
--As bit rate increases a higher optical power needed to maintain the
number photons/bit.
--once know min. power needed at receiver, the power of the source,
and the fiber attenuation per kilometer, a power budget may be done
and the max. fiber length found.
--dBm = 10*log_10(Power in mW/1mW)
> .1 mW --> -10 dBm
> 1 mW --> 0 dBm
> 10 mW --> 10 dBm
-- In dBm:
Psource-P-coupling-P_(safety margin)-\alpha*L = P(receiver sensitivity)
--P(rec. sens.) = 10*log[(n_o*h*v*Bo)/10^-3] dBm
--Lmax = 1/\alpha*[P_s - P_c - P_(sm) - P(rec. sens.)]
--Fiber optics can go much longer than coax cables can :)
--Analog fiber-optic comm. sys. done by intensity modulation.
22.4 Receiver Sensitivity
--Blah. More noise equations which is all a bunch of probability. Moving
on.
22.5 Coherent Optical Communications
--coherent may use field modulation (amplitude, phase, frequency)
instead of intensity.
--can't measure optical phase, but can measure complex amplitude by
mixing it with a coherent reference optical field of stable phase
(called local oscillator).
--this is called optical heterodyning OR optical mixing OR photomixing
OR light beating OR coherent optical detection. :)
--The signal and local oscillator usually have different frequencies, if
they are equal then it is said to be a homodyne detector.
--mag or phase of signal modulated with information at rate much slower
than signals frequency. Is then mixed with a beamsplitter or an optical
coupler. If the incident fields are perfectly || plane waves and have
precisely same polarization then the total field will be their sum.
--heterodyne detection can also be useful for measuring the optical
intensity since it provides gain through the presence of the strong local
oscillator. This can mean a SNR advantage over direct detection.
--Advantages of Heterodyne Receivers:
>can measure optical phase adn frequency
>WDM can have smaller channels
>electronics at the end can remove pulse broadening
>heterodyne receiver has an inherent noiseless gain conversion factor
amplifying the signal above the circuit noise
>3dB advantage over direct-detection receiver
>insensitive to unwanted background light (such as infrared) so one of
the few ways of attaining photon-noise-limited detection in infrared
--however the system becomes much more complex
AT&T Labs
EXTREMELY LONG journal about the trip to the labs. There are 20 finalists
left competing for 4 fellowships and 4 grants. They wanted to meet every
canidate so they flew me out there which for everything I am sure ran $500
just for them to see me. The flight going was uneventful South Bend to
Detroit and Detroit to Newark, New Jersey. We had a 130 knot tail wind
pushing us to Newark which I knew would be a problem coming back. As soon
as we landed I saw at LEAST 6 people immediately make calls with their cell
phones and that was just what I could see. Everyone on the East coast seems
to have a cell phone and even saw people extensively using the hands free
sets. Odd thing was when landing I saw at the end of the run way a small
cemetary that the airport boundary fence made three sides of a box around
with the fourth being a railroad track. Land was an expensive commodity and
as I guessed and found out to be correct later the area is very crowded.
Went to baggage claim to meet my ride, a Hurley Limo service that was suppose
to take me to the airport. It was hard trying to find him because he was
holding up a sign that said "Fanavria." :) He said that ruined his perfect
record. He drove me in a big plushy town car to the hotel. Along the way
I saw lots of limos, houses two stories literaly right next to each other,
and a lot of traffic. The driver said New York city was an hour away and
that people would literaly commute 2 hours one way. Along the way we passed
Fort Monmouth, which is where most of the US intelligence satelites are to be
found. Pretty cool.
The hotel was the Molly Pitcher Inn. The cornerstone said 1928 but it had
been revamped. It was right on the bay. Signing in I saw the rent was $90
a night for a single. Watched a little TV waiting for an AT&T person to take
me to dinner. Saw a health commercial were the narrator spoke with a Russian
accent. "Appealing to a foreign crowd," I thought to myself. I wasn't in the
mid-west any more :). I met up with Aleksandra Smiljanic, a lady who has
been working at the labs for a year and a half and is from Yugoslavia. We
went to a Chinese restraunt called the Crown Palace. As soon as you walk in
there are tanks with fish and eels in them. Any place that has eel on tap
has to be cool. The walls were very black, shiny, and reflective. The
ceiling was like a frame around the edges with the middle depressed so a
soft pink neon light glow could flood in between the two. There was a
large fish tank in the middle of the restraunt with lots of tropical fish
and such. Cool place. Aleksandra was expecting a coworker from Hong Kong
to come but he didn't so she ordered. However the guy, Cedric, usually did
the ordering so ended up not getting what she expected and enough food to
feed 4 people! In my pursuit of trying to find veggies I like, I tried
egg plant only to find I didn't like that either :).
On the way back we talked about the labs. They are not Bell labs. Post
Lucent Technologies there was AT&T Bell labs that we all know had everything
come out off. Then AT&T had problems being able to buy other equipment and
other silly things due to bureacracy and company policy. So then the
company split into Lucent and AT&T. AT&T kept the network stuff while
Lucent became more the products. The labs were split along similar lines.
The historical buildings went to Lucent. However, it sounds like AT&T has
the money due to the Networks they have spanning the US and the world. It
sounds like the split worked out well and was done with having everything's
best interest in mind. AT&T labs was what I was going too. They do a lot
of software projects with the only lab where they do hardware being the one
I was going to in Middletown. AT&T labs is all about free research. The
company wants them to carry out research in unexisting markets or were there
might be a need. Some people I met were doing stuff 20 years ago that is
now popular to day (modems, wireless, etc.).
Back at the hotel, went to bed. Got up at 6:50AM. Watched a little TV.
It seems the Boston Strangler case is open again. The family of one of the
victims and the brother of the accused serial killer both had many good
reasons why the person who fessed up did it for publicity. The family of
the victim has even had said victim's body exumed and DNA testing done on
hair samples found from someone else on body. Met Pat Iannone and
another man named Kenneth, I think, in the hotel lobby at 8AM. We had
breakfast in the hotel. The restaraunt faced the bay and Pat pointed out
that "Back their on the left is Bon Jovi's mansion. And on the right over
there is Bruce Springstein's. And that building there is the oldest Ice
Boat Sled Club in the nation." After breakfast went with Pat to the labs.
We passed a road and train track known as Normady road. They lead to a 2
mile long pier at one end and bunkers at the other. The facilities supply
ammunition to the entire Atlantic fleet. Wow.
The lab facility I never would have guessed was a major research center.
Outside just looked like another 6 story corporate building. I was told
that some of it was old but renovated and the rest new. They had been there
since late November. Once we were there I would basically spend every half
hour talking to someone new. The entire time I was on the 5th floor where
everyone was basically an EE and everyone had their own office. Not cube,
office. They had plenty of places for large numbers of people to get
together and work on a project. They even had large but not bulky dry
erase boards on wheels.
First on the list was Sheri Woodward. She is an
American with a PhD in physics and had been with the labs 12 years. Oh,
Pat was American with an Italian background (why I said this will be seen
soon). The conversations I had with people was typically the same
throughout the day. They would ask me my background in classes. I would
explain that ND has a pretty set curriculum with 7 university requirements
and 4 EE electives. Some people where impressed that I had taken 5, if not
6 once or twice, courses every semester. I told them about my electives
which where Computer Architecture, Control Systems, Microwaves, and
Research. I would talk about the classes a little. They would ask me why
I wanted a PhD. I told them that I had done three summer internships and
that they had only shown me that the work I wanted to do you do not do with
a BS in engineering. They agreed with me that a BS is just a start or base
and that the extra degrees are needed to do the cool stuff. I would then
get to hear what they did. There would be some variations on this.
Sherri showed me some labs. They were brand new with lots of cool new
high caliber and high price tag equipment. They are awesome places to do
work. The entire day no one had no experiments set up working. Because of
the move and because they received a lot of new equipment when they moved
they had not been set up yet. It was kind of funny, all these toys and
nothing to show of what they could do :). One machine that was cool was
this box that could check the bit error on a line, not just with pulses but
with packets. It cost $150,000.
Sheri handed me off to Zhimei Jiang. She was a younger girl from China
with a PhD in Computer Science. She was one of the few people who said she
was actually on the decision board. One extra question she had for me was
about what limitations did I see in my field. I explained to her about
minimum feature size, the difference between Quantum mechanics and
Electro-physics, and why people where looking at things like Nanotechnology.
Next I talked to Shalinee Kishore. She was in the fellowship program now
in her 4th year of PhD work in EE. It was just a chance to talk to someone
on the other side. She basically said that this fellowship was better than
NSF or DOD as she new people who had them, and I believe her. Oh, that was
another thing. Most the final canidates where female. I thought that was
very cool to know that the number of high caliber woman in engineering is
increasing.
I then talked to Tony Rustako. Tony had been working with the lab since
high school, 40+ years, and was a giant in wireless communication. It was
really neat talking to him. He told me about how a city can act like a
wave guide reducing the fall off rate of the wave from (1/distance)^2 to
something maybe like (1/distance)^1.5. After Tony I talked to Bruce McNair
who had been at the labs ~20 years. He admired the fact of how I went from
2.9 to 4.0s during college as he had similar events in his time. He talked
about how he had worked on things like a 900 bps modems and such in 1978.
Wow.
It was then off to lunch. Pat, some coworkers, and I went to the Macarroni
Grill. Good food and good time. Other groups of AT&T and Lucent people
came in during the meal too. After lunch I talked to Martin Birk. A German
fellow who was tall and very lanky. At lunch though, I learned he ate like
a horse so he must have a super metabolism. While at the labs I met Indian,
Italian, Russian, German, French, Chinese, and British people. AT&T labs
is more diversified than TI. Martin does high speed circuits and systems.
He showed me three labs. One had equipment racks that he said had 10 km of
fiber optic wire behind them (I think, may have been even a lot more than
that! Wow!). Another lab had network analyzers and probe stations to
characterize circuits. Another lab had light pulses going through fiber
optics at high speeds. I learned about an interesting problem. The back-
bone fiber optic systems are very fast. So fast that the electronics are
not fast enough to process them. Sure, a photodector may pick them up fast
enough but the rest of the circuit system is to slow. No one can make an
all fiber optic system as the technology definitely does not exist and it
would be very expensive. Anything to filter or amplify light does not sound
cheap. Even packaging high speed devices is a problem. Its an interesting
problem to work on. UCSB is an excellent school for Optics, high-speed
circuits, and cross discipline work. It makes me want to go there even
more and gives me something I would like to work on.
Next would be tea time. Before going I noticed it had started raining. It
would rain from then to all the way into the night which would be a problem
later. Tea time was a chance for anyone who did not get a chance to talk
to me to do so. I could also talk with many people at once instead of just
one person as I had been doing throughout the day. I did meet two other
people but cannot recall there names. After Tea time I talked to Misha
Boroditsky, a younger Russian guy who had graduated from UCLA. He was the
only person I had problems understanding as far as English not being the
person's native language but I got the point. He showed me some of the
optics experiments. I then talked to Aleksandra Smiljanic again. She
showed me what she works on. Basically she is taking a high level view to
all the network and trying to figure out what is slow. She was researching
routers and protocols I remember. Lastly I talked to Nick Frigo, the local
boss. He was fun to talk to and extremely busy as most bosses tend to be.
He asked me if I would ever work for a startup to which I said "As my
friends say: Engineering, Lust for Glory. I'll go where ever there is cool
engineering work to be done." :) He brought up a cool expression at one
point "We have people who can write C like they do their names." Met back
up with Pat after another guy, Cedric, gave me a brief tour of another lab.
I changed into comfortable clothes and waited with Pat for my ride.
He basically said it is up in the air who gets choosen. Everyone is real
good and from different backgrounds with different interests and they have
to just choose. Glad I don't have a job like that :). Took another
plushy car ride from Hurley Limo back to the airport. Flights were delayed
because of the weather. The guy at the check in desk thought I would miss
my connecting flight and thought that I should stay at a hotel until the
morning, for which the airline was not going to pay for. Yeah...right.
Northwest Airlines is quickly becoming my least favorite carrier. I said
I'd rather be stuck in Detroit and so got my tickets and waited for the
plane.
While waiting, talked to a guy from West Point. I just started the
conversation by saying "Are you in college?" Turns out he was a civil
engineer. We talked about the FE exam, courses we take, after graduation
plans as he was a senior too. He would be stationed at Hood Air Base in
Texas with his specialization in Field Artilary. He makes the missiles go
to the target and in what is probably the most technologically advanced
part of the army. The flight was an hour and fifteen minutes late and we
had wind and turbulance agianst us going. There was a Buddhist monk in
garb two seats to my left who I tried to talk to a little but the big
Michigan fan guy between us seemed annoyed so I stopped. We got to
Detroit with 5 minutes before my next flight left. I ran through the air-
port to get on just in time. I am so tired of having to do that! Nelson
picked me up and I went back home to sleep.
The labs are awesome. I hope to God I get a fellowship and can work there.
It gave me an idea of some things to work on and makes me even more eager to
go to Santa Barbara.
Saturday
A no work day. I did some grocery shopping and bought new wind shield
wippers in the morning. I couldn't replace the wipper because the last ones
where frozen on. We have been having highs of like 20. The rest of the
day worked on banners. One was for engineering week and said "Engineering
Week." The one I worked on later at night with my friends said
Engineering
Lust*For*Glory!
It spans roughly 12 feet by 35 feet and will be hung outside the
Cushing side of the engineering building so that all may awe at it.
C!
Still did not get much work done because of helping out with the banner
and taking care of details. That makes near 4 days without work. A
new record for me :). Made a significant improvement in guitar playing
last night. I figured out that you can't keep your right hand fingers on
the strings because it will keep you from playing fast and the strings
will not resonate nicely. Sometimes, I would imagine, you would want to
mute strings so you would put your fingers on them. This just goes to
show you the level of quality "group" teaching I am getting. I am glad
I already new stuff about music. I will go ahead and get a guitar. I can
get a beginner package deal for about $100, otherwise I am looking at
paying like $250+.
Doctor
Went back to Dr. Kotoske today. He did more back manipulation which again
made my back feel good yet is now presently sore (which will probably go
away in like 3 days like last time). He tried the spot on my temple as
he did last time to see if I winched in pain again but it didn't bother me
at all so he was correct about the sinus infection. The headaches I have
been having are most likely sinus related. My sister and mom have many
allergy problems and I figured I would have something some day. It turns
out that I am a little short legged. He said that this would be adding to
the discomfort I keep complaning about between my shoulder blades. He said
that it could also lead to "Scolyosis" (spelling) which I have heard off.
Doctor gave me a 1/4 inch rubber insert for the heel of my left foot.
Well, tonight a little Emag and a little "Army of Darkness."
BW3s for dinner. Heard back from a UC Santa Barbara professor, Dr.
York, who I really want to work under:
Hi Chris,
Thanks for taking the initiative to contact me. This year I have been in
charge of admissions for the entire Electronics and Photonics group, which
has put me behind in recruiting for my own group. But your application was
definitely one that caught my eye. ...
still have to coordinate with 2-4 other profs for a good visit.
Signed up for this Sallie-Mae, my loan provider, online thing which
enters me in a contest to have my loans erased, cool. Says my loan
balance, it is $20,000. Not bad. Heard today that the Fencing
team is ranked #1 and it looks like they will win this year. To bad
I am not on the team but I just had to many problems and the sacrifice
was for grad school anyway. I have of just a few minutes ago come
into the ownership of a guitar. It is a Johnson guitar, so an import
beginner guitar. Supposedly it sounds very nice for the cheap price
and I get the guitar, nylon bag, pics, etc. and free shipping for $99.
For something that should last me 2-3 years if I do play a lot it
should be a great deal.
Well, back to Mechanics studying, which I am crazy for doing but its
the right thing to do.
C
This morning awoke (despite not setting my alarm) to get to the
engineering building on time to tie die a T-shirt with "Notre Dame
Engineering" on front. Was the first person to do so. Then it was
off to Mechanics for a long test that I screwed up on. This is why I
did bad freshman and sophomore year, I can't do basic Math. Fixing
mistakes ate up all my time not allowing me to go back and work on the
real issues at hand and having to turn my test in because time was up
(even after an extension). Oh well, we'll see how it goes. Went back
to computer lab to meet Anne. Her Materials test went much worse.
She said she studied a lot for it and still left 40% blank. I hope
the curve goes well for her. She was very happy that I saved her a
T-shirt that she might tie die. And so she became the last person to
do so (T-shirts were out as were most the supplies).
Paid for my guitar today. Will probably be here the end of next
week. Finger dexterity is getting better with the guitar but still
have a lot to learn. My back is sore from the manipulation stuff but I
do think it feels better. Will give it a few days for soreness
from the massage machine to go away before doing any physical
activity.
Still trying to figure out when to visit schools. It depends on 1. If
I get accepted to UCLA Friday and 2. When I can meet professors.
Turns out that UCSB has a high grad student faculty ratio too but at
least it is not Stanford. If I did end up going next Friday, I would
have to get a major Emag project done and a paper/slides/work done
for Senior Design. So looks like a lot of work here on out.
Lot's of cool engineering things going down as of late. First off,
our banner was taken down 2 days ago. It seems the main
administration did not approve. But then the "Engineering: Lust for
Glory!" T-shirts came in today. Of 112 shirts we have only 18 left.
They were bought by undergrads, staff, grads, foreign students,
native students, male, and female. For $5 a shirt, only a handful of
people could say no. Got some great expressions from people. We will
approach the dean of the college to sell him one on Monday. It was so
cool to see so many people be interested in the ideas of engineering.
To the others we had to explain what "Lust for Glory" meant. You
don't do Engineering for money. You will quickly switch to something else
once you get out of school if you do. You do it because you love it,
you do it because it challenges you continuously, and you eventually
do it because you love it. You engineer because of the glory that
comes out of it personally and for all human kind. So mankind lusts
for the glory produced by engineering. It is a kind of lust I am sure
God (and even silly ND administrators) can only find good in.
Today also saw professor Fay, a fellow visiting professor looking
for some good equipment I should say, do some measurements with
photodiodes. These were surface shine instead of side as I am trying
to set up for. Fay has extensive knowledge with his equipment and the
visiting professor was able to test his photodiodes at 12 GHz. Cool.
I can now actually think about how to build the test fixture.
Interesting thing we learned yesterday. Erik typed "why" into Matlab
to find it answered the question with something random. In fact,
every time you type in why it generates a random answer. A Matlab
Easter Egg, who would of guessed?
I have been working on the next Emag program since yesterday. I have
been stuck in the same place for SIX hours now. I tried something
ridiculous from Rink's code he did last year to find it to be the
solution. Oh boy. It's gonna be a loooong program.
That's it for now. Continue with the program tonight and help judge
in another Fencing tournament tomorrow.
did 4 rounds of action, screwed up three times, and watched the men's
saber and epee squads win the divisional championship.
After that, off to the lab to code. It's getting long and complicated.
I have to do real programming that requires thought, unlike a normal
matlab number crunching programs. It is good. :)
Went to the Snite Museum with a bunch of other people like Perk, RN,
Tom Feeny, etc. to watch "Touch of Evil" with Charlston Heston and
Orson Wells. Your typical classic 1950's detective type movie. Nice
bit of plot at the end.
A few events but a good day. Will continue the Emag coding (many
hours down, many more to go) and tomorrow try and do some other work.
Went back at 1:30AM last night to my dorm after the Mardi Gras party.
I did not attend because:
1. I don't know most people in my dorm.
2. I don't want to know most people in my dorm.
3. I don't agree with what the day stands for.
4. It is a beer bash and I don't like beer.
5. Mardi Gras reminds me of hell (Louisiana).
6. My dorm's version of Mari Gras is a joke compared to what I have
seen even in Shreveport, Loserana.
Met Joe Smith who wanted to pay me for the engineering T-shirt. Upon
going to his room he realized that the $22 in his wallet had been
stolen. He had locked the door but he knows that the latch doesn't
catch some times. I went back to my room to find almost all of the
collector state addition quarters I had been saving had been swiped
from atop my TV. I always lock my door but I was tired yesterday
morning. If didn't lock it, it would be a first this year and just
wonderful that it coincided with dorm Mardi Gras. The moron didn't
take the $25 in quarters laundry money right next to the TV though
thank goodness. I have even left respect for my dorm mates at large
(I haven't forgotten about the stolen pizza last fall break) and as
George would say my faith in humanity meter just went down two notches
;).
Just got off the phone with Charles Thompson. He is the non-AT&T
representative for the fellowship I am trying to get, a professor at
the University of Maryland. We talked for an hour. He told me much
about the AFLP program (the fellowship) and about graduate school.
The program has been around for more than 30 years! It was started by
James West (I think), a minority scientist who I think invented the
modern microphone found in telephones. The point of the program is
not some kind of well-fare thing the company does for image or to just
help minorities. It has a much larger scope. They look for the best
in the nation to offer them something technical they may not
get otherwise. Hard to explain but I guess kind of like helping the
person out technically in what they are interested in to further it by
the labs, the freedom that comes of already having money at grad
school (which is different than going to grad school and the professor
paying for you), and most importantly the mentors the program provides.
They expect big things out of the people who do the program. Many who
have come from it are VPs at companies like Lucent, top of the
field experts, even Nobel prize winners. Many who came out of the
program are famous in the technical communitty. The committe has
always been run by top of field scientists and has always been headed
by a noble laureate (yes, some one who has one the Nobel prize). Even
the finalists, people in my position right now, they expect will be
famous and do great things. AT&T wants to give amazing people a
little bit more that they may not get otherwise.
We talked about grad school. He said it didn't matter how many grad
students a prof had. What did matter was how you got treated. The
advisor is someone who will risk their creditability and money on you.
Look at which students get the good equipment, what the students went
on to do, what the students who graduated thought about the prof and
how well he did to prepare them to face the harsh fast paced research
community afterwards. The advisor should love the Socratic method,
because that is what you will see afterwards. People will continually
ask you "why?" How you can answer these questions shows how
technically competent you are and how much credibility you will have
with other people. The advisor should also protect you from all the
pain of the grad school process (the politics, toys, getting through,
etc.). You need to find out if the prof really cares about you. All
of them want more hands to do there work and will sound like used car
sells man trying to get you to do work for them. You want someone who
actually cares about making you prepared for after grad school.
Well, back to programming.
C!
Have had way to much fun with Doom the last two days. Someone brought
up the UNIX based mulitplayer version from the ~und account yesterday
to find it was working (I had given up a year ago). It makes for
hours of fun that I now set time limits :).
$$$$!
Was hoping my guitar would come today. Instead a check from Texas
Instruments came in. Profit sharing was being paid. They gave me
$1,596. It is $600 more than I was hoping for. However all is
already reserved to help my parents on their car, help my sister, help
pay for my parents trip up and back for graduation, and to get me an
new suit. So sad but at least it is there. With the money already
have I am in excess of $2,000 with money from 2.5 days of Fencing
(~$200) and money from grading papers coming in.
Weather
Beautiful day today. As RN said, "The clouds must be in stealth mode
today." From snow, to rain, to wind, to shine. What a hell of a
weather week.
Coleman Center
Instigated Perk, RN, and I going to the Coleman Center, the new BIG
building on South quad. It looks to be an even bigger show than the
bookstore. It will house First year of studies, Campus ministry, all
the choirs, and more plus have a 24 hour PC cluster, a 24 hour lounge,
etc. We were quickly kicked out twice after having learned all this.
The center will open in 2 weeks.
Ended up getting little done after the last entry. Was stuck on how to
interpret some Mechanics but that later was resolved. In between
watched Dr. Strangelove. Quircky movie. Amused me because it poked
much fun at the Air Force. :)
Went shopping with Anne which ended a day of me doing many non-Cdawg
activities: going into a building I knew I couldn't, eating lunch
instead of dinner, and sleeping under my desk in the computer lab
because I was to lazy to go upstairs.
Just got back and took a REAL look at my mail. Underneath the big
check I got was a letter from MIT. They didn't want me. It kind of
hurt. At the same time it re-enforces me to have courage. I didn't
get into Ivy League schools when I applied to undergrad, but had one
choice that shined above the rest, ND. I can only see similar with
Santa Barbara. God sometimes just makes it obvious for me and places
things in my life that I know that nothing like probability could be
responsible for happening. I am now emotionally bumbed, for many
reasons, so will go to bed, hoping things will be better in the
morning.
C
Guitar Man
My guitar came today! I skeptical about the packaging and it turns out
it did get a small dent on the bottom. We will email the seller about
it and see what happens. The accessories were cheap as I expected, I
got the tuner yesterday though and it is a nice little electric tuner
so between the tuner and the picks I have all I will need for now.
The case is just a nylon bag so I have to be careful not to bump things.
The guitar I can tell a few things that make it low cost but it sounds
very pretty. The spacing between strings is no bigger than the other
one I was using but it is definitely full size. Overall a great value
for the $113 it cost everything.
Hard Drive
Man looking into a large laptop hard drive. Want to get 20 Gig and
set it up dual boot Windows/Linux. Will run about $220.
UCSB
Looks like it is becoming more definite that next week Friday will be
the visit date. George and I must get tickets tomorrow, they are
going because of break. Still no word from UCLA. If they do not have
an answer tomorrow I just won't go this trip. If I like UCSB and get
the AT&T scholarship then I will not even worry about visiting other
schools. UCLA and possibly UC San Diego were the only others I want to
see.
Lent
So starts Lent tomorrow. In thinking about what to give up I have
thought of 2 things. The first is desserts. I had as of late come
into the mind set that I can't work out might as well have some tasty
food. So there will be difficulty. Also I will give up soda. I had
just bought a 24 case of Pepsi and was going to start drinking caffinene
again so this will also pose a challenge.
Well, time for bed. Got to get up at 7AM to get to the dorms early
Ash Wednesday mass. We will start the day out right.
C!
of those days though. A bunch of things have just kind of hit me at the same
time. For example, I found out that the equation we based our work on
for senior design was incorrect. Our part of the project will not
work for the application of the MEMS chip. However, it turns out it
has other uses such as a voltage supply for digital circuitry instead
of heating a big on-chip resistor. I really felt like an idiot
in front of professor Fay and Bernstein but I guess better it all
happened now than at the presentation next week. Other things include
both my dogs are deaf now, a tongue infection that made it hard to eat
anything the last 2 days, etc.
I don't even know what else to write so I'll just call it quits until
I am in a happier frame of mind.
steam. Since last email I have spent a lot of money. Me and George
booked our flights for Cali. We leave next Thursday 6AM and return
Sunday 10PM. We also reserved a car through Enterprise. It was $30
extra just for being under 25 years of age. Dr. York said the school
would "definitely be covering a good fraction of your costs." The
exact is to be discussed when we arrive. The UC Santa Barbara film
festival is that weekend so that will be something extra fun to do. I
also now bought a hard drive. The IBM Travelstar is 20 GB with a
large bus load and all kinds of perks. I called HP and a seller to
make sure it would work in my notebook. Used pricewatch.com and
shopper.com to find a place selling it MUCH cheaper than what I first
saw ($220 no tax or shipping) or could be found on Ebay (people paying
$190+). I got mine for $173 total.
Have done a lot of stuff for senior design and research today. This weekend
I have a lot of grading to do, an Emag project to finish, senior
design work to do and a presentation to bring together. Will be the
first homework busy weekend I have had this semester. Wow, it just
now hit me that in a week I will be HALF way through my LAST
semester. Everything will change yet again for me. I guess God
recognizes I have a short attention span :).
C!
around 6:30 to call home immediately. I did from the lab but my dad
said to call him from my room. He was right to have me do so. Corky,
the younger of my two dogs died today. He had been having trouble since
last week and had been to the vet twice since then to check on all
kinds of things including an x-ray today that showed his heart was
enlarged for no known reason. They gave my parents and sister some
medicine to see how he would react and would see the docotr again next week.
Around 4PM or so my sister realized he wasn't sleeping. Corky was the
healthy on of the two. No one expected him to have problems. Missy
has a dozen things wrong with her and is older, Corky was just getting
gray hair admist the blonde. We had Corky since he was a baby. He was
the cuttest puppy.
If I didn't have so much crap to do I would have stayed in my room. I
took some time to pull myself together and went back to the lab and
basically said to everyone "I don't want to talk about it." Even now
I write this in bits because it makes me so sad. I have been very
fortunate in that I have never been to a funeral or had anyone close
to me die. The only family member I have lost was a great-grandfather
in Puerto Rico who was like 80 or 90 something. One thing that has
always scared me is that when I hear of someone's death other than my
immediate family I won't cry. I could be wrong but this was what I
was thinking when I was walking back to my room, when I figured it was
a death and was wondering "who?" I know I'm not heartless, I get WAY
to emmotional sometimes, but why would I think that? Has all the
moving and such warped my views? In some ways it has made me very
independent, in other ways it has made me very lonely. Do I have sort
of an altruistic love for my family and a
general/non-altruistic/Buddhist love for others? I have to hand it to
the Buddhists, having a love that is not Christian and
all-encompassing does take out all the sting that love leaves, which
is hurting me right now.
Kids
Before the disaster, I went with MAESSHPE to La Casa (place for 1st to
4th graders). When we were starting to do our spiel on static
electricity to the three kids that were actually there :), the group
of us was having a hard time breaking the ice and trying to explain an
electron. I stepped in and said
me: "Have you ever crushed cereal?"
kid: "Yeah."
me: "What happens to it?"
kid: "It crumbles and makes a mess and you have to sweep it off the
table onto the floor-"
me: "What if you crushed the crumbs? Have you ever thought about
doing that? What would happen?"
I then went on to make a general point that things get real small and
there are a few things left of which are electrons. I used different color
ballons to very simply explain "combine them this way its water,
combine them this way its wood." I didn't tell them what an electron
was, but that it was responsible for the lights, the TV, and their
radios. A girl said "I like electrons!" :) From the other trips I
have learned that I could one day be good with kids. I remember
Lisbeth Vazquez saying once "Wow. You do really well. I though you
would be all worked up and mad at them." :) She was around me too much
last year when I had to do the junior year projects and I was "bitter
and jaded." ;) I realize that a kid has very little idea what they
do, that they are hyper, and that when in the right frame of mind they
like to learn a lot.
Guitar Solo
Had to play solo in class today as most people. A few people you could
tell never practiced. Most people played so quite that if you were on
the other side of the room you couldn't hear them playing. A few
people did really well and I was one of them. I stumbled a little
because my hands were shaking. No matter how much I talk myself up I
get stage fright and my hands shake. This used to happen when I
played trumpet solos and on guitar it is really not a good thing :).
I definitely don't feel confident as I was playing trumpet. We'll
just keep practicing.
Back to work
C!
this with a good number of songs that are melancholy with a few
spirit lifting (U2 Beautiful Day, Seal Don't Cry and Kiss from a
Rose). After last nights events I stayed up trying to work on Emag
until 3 in the morning. I still am not done. By the time I am
finished I will have spent in the 40s or 50s of hours on it. Blah.
Today was dull with all of it being spent doing laundry and grading
papers. The highlight was going to Taco Bell with Pat Shea.
One funny thing though:
Tim: "Yeah, why re-invent the wheel when you don't have too."
Me: "So you can own the patent rights."
:)
And now time for round 5 of C-dawg vs. Emag hw#3.
C!
Round 7, Emag is DOWN for the count! ~50+ hours of work, 1124 lines of
code (another 1000 if the figures where in .m format instead of .fig),
and two entire weekends plus change. My program kicks five anscii
standard of butt. I had some guys from the class come take a look and
they said "You are friggin psycho!" The only person who could have
done a better job is Perk and he wouldn't of spent as much time on it
as I because he is more sane (in some respects) than I. Thank God that is
over. From what I understand the program sets me up for the rest of
the semester. I take great pride in.
Now to return to the rest of my classes. Much to do for senior design
before Wednesday, research to be done then too. There is a Mechanics
homework looming overhead but since it is not due until MONDAY AFTER
BREAK and Abe finished it in 3 hours while doing laundry I'm not going
to worry about it.
Perk and Rink are in Santa Barbara now. It sounds cool but it also
sounds like a state school feel. As Perk said "Just don't forget that
it is a state school, and you have spent the last 4 years at one of
the richest Universities in the world." ND is an awesome school, but
not where I need to do my grad work.
I'm tired and am going home.
C!
morning I did not get the AT&T Fellowship. They said it was basically a dice
roll by the end and that I was an alternate. Of course not already
knowing what I want to research, versus the first year grad students
who applied that did know, cost me in the end.
I am done with work for now. Design presentation went well. I leave
tomorrow morning. What David and Kevin had to say about UC Santa Barbara
was what I wanted to hear. Tonight I will go out and eat with some
friends and probably just go to bed early. I'm tired.
Next week I have some work to do, music to get, a new hard drive and
Linux to install, and some fun to have. Should be a nice break week.
C
Ready to roll
Well so much for getting sleep tonight :). What did happen? After the
journal went to dinner #1 (late lunch) with Rink @ 4:30. Then back to
the room, an hour of details, then an hour nap. Then out to eat with
Pauline,Abe, and Nelson. On the way bought shoes at Spiece (I noticed
today my Addidas shoes were wearing through the bottom) where I bought
a new pair of Addidas shoes (sorry Joe). At 8PM we ate at the Outback
where NONE of us ended up getting a steak :). I asked 3 times throughout
the meal why we were eating there. Good meal but terribly slow service,
especially for a Wednesday night. Off to Meijer then back to campus
about 10:30PM. Went to the lab for the purpose of finding Rink
and getting his CDs. I ended up helping people with their Emag programs.
Seems I am quite the guru and debugger. Glad I could help but I got
back now at 1:20AM, just finished packing, and will be getting up in
two hours :). Oh well. Fun day. Long flight to sleep on. ON TO
PARADISE CITY!!!
C!
"I Wish They All Could Be California"
Back from beautiful Santa Barbara. Will go throught th trip in detail
and then summarize my thoughts on UC Santa Barbara and grad school.
Thursday:
After two hours of sleep for me, two days of staying awake for George,
and an all-nighter for Eric (who drove us) we headed off to the airport
at 5:15AM. Flight left on time and there were no delays the entire
trip. I like U.S. Airways. First leg was an hour. George and I
caught McDonald's at the Pitt. airport. The flight to California was
4.5 hours. We were in and out of consciousness the whole trip. I did
watch most of a movie called Scubba, I think, with that Cuba Jr. guy.
It was fun to watch. We arrived in California noon Pacific time.
Our rental car was a red 2000 Ford Focus. A fun little car to cruise
around California in. Enterprise car rental also did a nice job. We
headed for Venice beach. The famed location where Bay Watch is filmed
and home of Muscle Beach. Overall was not impressed. Not many people
there (we were there on a Thursday though). You couldn't swim in the
water due to the large sewar pipes that ended at the beach. Took a nice
picture of George by one of the "Swim at your own risk" signs. Lots of
weird shops along the walk way. I counted at least 5 body piercing,
fortune telling, T-shirt, and pipe shops. Yes, pipe shops. I went into
one and would have actually started asking the guy questions out of
morbid curiosity but I could tell George was worried so just looked
real quick :). There were some fun houses along the walk way. We went
to the end of the pier and then left. We took Pacific Coast Highway 1
(PCH1) to Santa Barbara. Imagine a highway that is right on the coast
that has actually had parts of it fall into the ocean at times. This
is PCH. Beautiful drive. We drove through places like Malibu. Took
a quick zip around Pepperdime university. The place was much more
vertical than horizontal. As George put it, "You could parachute to
class." :) We also drove past a small motorcade. In between the cops
were a truck with like 12 guys on it filming a NICE car right behind
it that had a hot girl in it, followed by another nice car. George and
I could be the background in some movie :).
We stopped off along the way at a pizza parlor called Toppers. It was
a nice place with TV screens everywhere with everything on them. We
bought 1 large pizza which stuffed us to the brim. We watched the first
half of the ND vs. Pitt. basketball game and some neat stuff on skate-
boarders/surfing/snow boarding. Are hotel was a Best Western in Santa
Barbara. When we got there they were having happy hour with free
complimentary drinks. George and I quickly checked in and hurried back.
I had Rosarita wine or something of the sort and George had some beer.
We watched Time Bandits on TV then went to bed.
Friday:
Up bright and early at 7AM as I couldn't find the sheet of when I was
suppose to meet people. I had a lot more scheduled stuff than Geroge
at the time. We had McDonald's for breakfast (a reaccuring theme) and
made our way to campus. Checked our mail at the library then went to
the engineering building I (of 3). The campus, and the entire Santa
Barbara area for that matter, is very green. The campus does not have
the prestine/cleanliness/newiness that I have experienced for 4 years
at ND, but it is beutiful in a natural way that ND could never have.
Finally met Sum-Sum, the secretary. She is a recent communications
grad who is going to go for her masters. She got me oriented and I was
off to meet my first prof.
Robert York was the prof I first contacted. His current work seems to
be in microwave power amplifiers, GaN devices, and ferroelectric devices.
Ferroelectrics are materials that by changing a voltage potential can
have their dielectric value changed by a factor of 5. He showed me a
project that basically took these new technologies, created a high
power microwave frequency transistor on a chip, flip chipped that onto
another chip to make an amp. A lot of work I thought to go from the
material to an actual circuit. When I asked how many people were in
on it he said "Oh, this is just one graduate student." Wow. If I
worked under him I would learn how to do a lot of things. He even
showed me some sputter machines for the ferroelectrics that were
BUILT FROM SCRATCH. It was very nice, and the ones I looked at where
second generation and a third one with some modifications. They made
a lot of things themselves. They had the resources too in terms of
machine shop, FAB, money, and people. He has about 12 graduate
students. He also had a lab that was shared with a guy I would talk
with next. Nice equipment in the lab. His grad students were in a
large area that was shared with the grad students of the same professor
mentioned above. York sounds like a nice guy who knows his stuff. He
wants a lot of work, which I have no problem with, and gives you
freedom in what you do. I asked him if he had a company, which he did.
He did say though "But I am here to be a professor. I consult once a
week at the company." I would work under him.
Next was Nadir Dagli. He was foreign (India?) and so had a little bit
of an accent, completely understandable though. He did optic devices.
He showed me a GaAs wafer that had optic modulators good up to 100MHz
I believe. He explained to me how they work. Many times I would not
understand things but he would do a nice job of explaining things to
me (I noticed a teaching award plaque on the wall). I now know what a
coplanar wave guide is after this trip. Two other projects
he discussed with me were optic filters and an extension of which
could be used to turn light at RIGHT angles. Was very neat. I did not
get to hear what Dagli was like to work for.
Next on the list was Umesh Mishra. This... guy... rocked. He did not
spend the time telling me about projects, although that got worked into
everything. He did tell me about how he sees things and his style.
One thing he said was that as a PhD you are not there to learn skills.
That just comes along the way. What you do learn is "How to pick the
right problem." There is a lot of research that can be pursued just
for the sake of research but may never lead to anything. You have to
be able to figure out what could be useful when it is not seen to be
so and pursue it, which is where you get all the skills learned in grad
school. He used the idea of the Hindu cycle of death and rebirth to
talk about other schools. He saw places like MIT and Berkely as the
wave that was already falling. He said the time is coming when they
need to change out the faculty as they are aging. He saw places like ND
as a future wave coming up that will one day be on top. He saw UCSB as
the main wave now. "You should go where things are the best."
Everything he said I had already had an idea about, he took it one step
further.
Mishra used a wave function to describe his work :) were the
peak of the function is at devices and the ends our at materials and
circuits. I believe Mishra is the world leader on devices. He recently
showed a test that I think was a push pull transistor setup that showed
92% power efficiency. Un-believalble. As he said "I will not waste
a single electron." He also wants to work on projects that creates
devices without doping, of which ferroelectrics fits under. He is the
professor that works with York and shares common labs. The entire
EE department, along with other departments such as the materials/
physical sciences, is multidisciplanary but these guys worked real close.
That was another thing I really liked about UCSB: everyone knew what
everyone else was working on and so really great things come out of it.
Mishra described the work done with York and himself as highpower
microwave devices/circuits and low power devices/circuits. Working
under Mishra would mean I would learn to develop an intuition about
making new devices and work on really cool stuff. Mishra is definitely
laid back and not the answer guy like York. He reassured me that if
I wanted to work under both professors with one being the lead advisor
that it would not be a problem. It turns into a question of what level
I want to work at: materials, device, circuit, system. I really liked
York and Mishra. Mishra has one group meeting a week for his grad
students and that is Friday afternoon happy hour! I was invited to
come at 5PM and would later attend. :)
York then took me to the facualty club with a few of his grad students
for lunch. There is a good mix of grad students: American, chinese,
indian, italian, etc. It made me feel comfortable.
After lunch I met Mark Rodwell, he still holds the world record for the
fastest transistor (60 GHz I think). He showed me a presentation of
all the projects his students were working on. I was very confused
and saw enough GHz numbers to make me sick :). He showed me his lab
that had a test setup to measure circuits from 140 to 220 GHz, there
are 5 in the world. Oh... my... God! Thing is he needs something even
faster! Another project Rodwell works on is 1 THz fmax Schottky
collector HBT diodes. That's a lot of freakin zeros. Rodwell is very
involved with his students, he is always checking on them and wanting
to know what they are doing, and can be found in the lab seeing what
they are doing and helping them. It is not being paranoid, he just
wants to be involved. Again, a different prof. style which I have to
figure out what I would like.
I got to walk by the FAB, parts of which are class 10000, other parts
class 100. I talked to Hua Lee at Perk and Rink's urging. At first
I could tell he was kind of confused why I was talking to him as he is
a signals and systems type of guy. We chatted a little. There will
be another engineering building up in two years, with another one to
follow later. I asked about the Santa Barbara area. It was interesting.
Santa Barbara knows it has a good thing going and wants to keep it that
way. The residents like the area green and trying to get a building
permit is very hard. Home Depot and Cosco were denied permission to
build. All building must conform to the Spanish style seen everywhere.
Even if you got a permit to build a house you may not get a water
permit! There are movie stars in the hills. So Santa Barbara is
exclusive and expensive but very nice to be on the inside off.
The last person I talked to was Steve Long. He told me about 3 projects
he needs people for. The first was class D and E RF power amps., the
second was a fiber communications project, and the last a wireless. I
was very confused and tired by this point. He seemed like a nice guy
but did not get to find out anything about his teaching style.
Met up with George. He ended up having a full day of talking to people
too. The two of us waited around talking to grad students until
Mishra got back. We went to an Irish pub called Dargan's off of
State street. George and I got a beer called Firestone, better than
the other beers I have tried thus far. Mishra took up the tab for
everyone :). Mishra was funny. He knew his beer too. In trying to
describe one he said "It poors like Guiness, looks like a wheat, but
tastes like an ale." :) We hung out for a while, then me and George
went up and down some of State street. There was not a lot of people
out so we went back to the hotel. Went back out and watched a movie
called Traffic. It was a great movie (up for best picture) about the
drug traffic through Mexico and how it effected everyone. There were
like six stories at once that were all tied together. We headed back
to the hotel as we were tired. Watched a little TV, of which was this
thing about "Kite Surfing," a new sport that is becoming quite popular.
It is basically what it sounds like, a surf board with a kite the
person holds onto. People were flying like 40 ft. in the air. It was
awesome! Looked hard too. George and I ended up just falling asleep.
Saturday:
The first thing we had to do was take care of the hotel. We were suppose
to stay with a grad student but that never got resolved. We would have
stayed at the hotel but the little card in the room said "$250 a night."
Yikes! We called around to get rates of ~$150 elsewhere. We called
a Best Western in Venture, 30 miles south Santa Barbara. $65. Wow.
What a difference. He packed up and headed out. It was about noon.
We ate at "In-N-Out Burger," an awesome place. Great, fresh, burger and
fries. We then started cruising around. We went ALL the way up and
down State street, from the highway to the ocean. We then went to this
neat Spanish Mission. Very pretty. As old as the town. Santa Barbara
is a green, pretty area with rolling hills, small mountains, and the
ocean all right there. We drove up one hillside to find a small park.
It was a great view of the area. Took some pictures and wound are way
back. I went up and found my way down back to where we started without
a map for which George said "You get the Nobel Prize for navigation." :)
We went back to campus to look around. Computing sucks compared to ND.
We really have great facilities at ND, especially the Sun clusters.
The labs were never open past midnight, and many things on campus closed
at 5PM and had horrible hours on the weekends. As a grad student I
would be able to get where I need and my advisor would set me up with
a nice computer. Kind of disheartening though. It would not be good
to be an undergrad at UCSB. We went into the Theoretical Physics building,
another group that is best in nation. Stephen Hawking does research
their sometimes. Even though we were there on Saturday there were a lot
of Physics around for a conference. The whole building was very pink.
This one lounge area had a wall that was chalkboards where people were
discussing things. I didn't understand a thing on the board. As George
put it "This place radiates bad-ass physics vibes." We drove around
Isla Vista. LOTS o students live there. I don't want to though. Was
sad to see that the grad student housin was near by. I want a quite
place to go home. If I want a party I'll go to Isla Vista or State
street. We went to a Mexican restraunt called Fresh Mex. Excellent
fajitas. We then went and watched 15 minutes, a movie that poked fun
at the media and was funny in a sort of morbid way :). It was now
near 10PM so we headed back to State street. There were people this
time. Many clubs had lines outside the door and now required cover
charges. We felt underdressed to enter many. Not enought leather or
fancy clothes so to speak. We ended up going back to Dargans. It was
still a nice enviroment. We bought some Harp's beer and where on are
way. Yes, that's right. Three nights and three nights I actuallly had
alcohol. I just doubled the total amount of alcohol I have had in my
life. :)
Got to the hotel around midnight. It looked crummy from the outside but
had nice big rooms. We watch Cleopatra 2525 then went to bed. Next
morning back to LAX and then home. Nothing real eventful. Got back
around 10PM South Bend time. Eric was there to greet us. We bought
some groceries, went to Taco Bell, George and I watched Men in Black in
my room, and then went to bed around 2AM.
I got a stipend from UCSB. It's a TAship that pays tuition, fees, health,
and provides $14000 for 9 months. I can easily become Research
assistancship and work during the summer (and receive more stipend).
My hard drive also came. Funny, it was last Thursday they delivered
but to the room across the hall (they left them the note, not me). I
thought the door was locked and so got the maid to let me in this
morning. The door was unlocked and WHAT A MESS INSIDE! I don't know
what was on the floor and what the hell were all the grab and go bags
doing all over the place? The maid was not happy at all (they were
going around and doing the mid semester tighty-up). Luckly the hard
drive was unharmed and very well packaged.
Grad School Overview:
Let me first describe something: the difference between an inconvenience
and a problem. An inconvenience can be thought of as, for example, "It
hurts to walk." A problem can be thought of as "I can't walk!" I have
been looking for the problems with each grad school. These are
indeed problems and they discourage me from attending graduate school at
the given school. So far we have:
Stanford-far to many grad students and to many of them, and the profs.,
jump ship to go into industry. Not good.
MIT- they didn't want me ;)
UT- largest graduate school in the nation and I don't remember any
projects I wanted to work on except the communications stuff.
UCLA- impersonal, no interdisplinary work, why do they do a technical
interview on their graduate students??
UCSD- haven't even heard from them. I applied to them when I wanted to
do communications stuff which I have leaned away from.
ND- I couldn't come now as I would not get a stipend. It's too late.
So lets look at the good and bad of UCSB
-state school: not the smartest or studiest undergrads, funding for
other departments a problem.
-crowded: lots of people and little parking
-expensive: housing is not cheap and gas was $2 per gallon
-bad computing: may I never need the computer labs. From what I under-
stand though your advisor gets you whatever you need.
-party school: its hard to party when outside on the beach you see a
pig being roasted on the beach (well, I could see it happening)
+party school: this goes both ways :)
+beautiful place: campus, scenary, etc.
+woman: seriously, there are a lot of woman and I saw the California
stereotype girls many times. Now can I find one with a brain?
+new engineering building in two years: not in the works, but done!
+awesome faculty
+awesome labs
+awesome equipment in those labs
+awesome research projects
+awesome funding
+awesome interdisciplinary work
+after graduation opportunities are great: more so than some other
schools
I found inconveniences at UCSB but not problems. I was really
expecting, and looking for, to find some problems but I didn't. Also,
look at all the awesomes in the positive column. Those are all a grad
student really needs in a grad school, everything else is extrenous.
It's not a problem of what is there to do or who is there to work
under but what do I want to do and who do I want to work for. Many
great projects and great people. Some of the profs had gray hair but
no one was old. That means they are still in their prime of research
and will be during the time I would do my graduate work their. I have
only been accepted at UT and ND so far so it is making things even
easier as UCSB is superior to both my choices, if not all my choices.
I will look at other schools, but for now the clear winner is UCSB.
The largest inconvenience will be finding good housing. I also need to
figure out what I want to do and who I want to work under.
C!
After MANY hours I now have my computer backup. I installed the new
hard drive yesterday. Turns out it is the exact type of hard drive
that the computer had, only 20 GB instead of 6 GB. My CD burner was
instrumental in backing up and loading files and programs. After
formatting and Windows doing its thing (whatever the hell that is that
eats up 1.3 GB) I had 18.3 GB to work with and have already used 5 GB.
That would have filled my last hard drive. I'll keep the old one
around for a while in case I forgot anything. The next step is to get
Linux on the machine too.
I am continuing the tradition of being sick or hurt during breaks.
Since coming back from California I have a cold that just won't go
away and makes me dizzy/stuffy. Better than the last two spring
breaks though were I had the flu instead.
It seems that through the initiatives of geroge/Brandon/me, my Quake2
cd, and lots of work on the part of George and Brandon Quake2 is
available to play on the Sun machines! Awesome! Good job guys.
Should make for some great fun the rest of the semester.
Break is going as usual: time flys by to fast, not enough work gets
done, and I don't get to go anywhere too exciting but manage to have
fun anyway. The way I see it I had break last week in Santa Barbara :).
Well, much to do and time to do only half of it. Onward with the day.
C!
After MANY hours I now have my computer backup. I installed the new
hard drive yesterday. Turns out it is the exact type of hard drive
that the computer had, only 20 GB instead of 6 GB. My CD burner was
instrumental in backing up and loading files and programs. After
formatting and Windows doing its thing (whatever the hell that is that
eats up 1.3 GB) I had 18.3 GB to work with and have already used 5 GB.
That would have filled my last hard drive. I'll keep the old one
around for a while in case I forgot anything. The next step is to get
Linux on the machine too. Made sure not to make the mistake of putting
OIT software on my computer this time. It really slowed things down,
caused some crashes, and I'm sure was going to be a pain to get off after
graduation. The only draw back is I don't have access to H and I drives
but I don't ever need I and I can use webmail to get stuff I need off H
drive.
I am continuing the tradition of being sick or hurt during breaks.
Since coming back from California I have a cold that just won't go
away and makes me dizzy/stuffy. Better than the last two spring
breaks though were I had the flu instead.
It seems that through the initiatives of George/Brandon/me, my Quake2
cd, and lots of work on the part of George and Brandon Quake2 is
available to play on the Sun machines! Awesome! Good job guys.
Should make for some great fun the rest of the semester.
Break is going as usual: time flys by to fast, not enough work gets
done, and I don't get to go anywhere too exciting but manage to have
fun anyway. The way I see it I had break last week in Santa Barbara :).
Well, much to do and time to do only half of it. Onward with the day.
Since coming back from California I have a cold that just won't go
away and makes me dizzy/stuffy. Better than the last two spring
breaks though were I had the flu instead.
It seems that through the initiatives of George/Brandon/me, my Quake2
cd, and lots of work on the part of George and Brandon Quake2 is
available to play on the Sun machines! Awesome! Good job guys.
Should make for some great fun the rest of the semester.
Break is going as usual: time flys by to fast, not enough work gets
done, and I don't get to go anywhere too exciting but manage to have
fun anyway. The way I see it I had break last week in Santa Barbara :).
Well, much to do and time to do only half of it. Onward with the day.
C!
Sorry about the last journal repeating at the end. I was trying to
fix something and it ended up pasting weird.
C
who stayed all had a lot of work to do. Again, I just can't win. When
I want to have fun is when everyone else wants to work and when I want
to work everyone else wants to have fun. Oh well.
I have occupied myself with getting music. Rink has probably 500 CDs
of which I have been grabbing songs from. Out of 1/5th of that I have
probably taken 30 songs. Moby has some interesting stuff. His first
album seems to be VERY heavy rock, a lot of yelling. Then his new
albums are more techno with all kinds of things thrown in. For those
who have seen the movie Heat with Al Pacino, Robert DiNero, and Val
Kilmer, the song being played at the end when Robert DiNero is shot is
a Moby song. The CD inserts for Moby are also interesting. He writes
essays in them. The ones I read were how he loves Christ but hates
right wing Christians who use the church as a business and who use
violence to solve problems. Moby is also a Vegan (no animal products)
and a vegetarian and believes in freedom for all including animals.
What he says is well written and strong arguments. Makes me wonder
why I eat meat, it is not in line with my thoughts and beliefs but
would be very hard not to do. It is also cool that Moby does nearly
ALL of his music himself. That is things like violin, keyboards,
guitar, and a lot of composing, mixing, and synthesizing.
I feel better. The cold still lingers in my head but is definitely
better. Heard from Stanford a day ago, I'm in. Thus, I must now give
them serious thought (once the finaid package comes in). Called home
yesterday. Had a long chat with my mom. Things could be better there.
I wish they would just get a break already.
Will just keep looking at music today and maybe grade homeworks if no
one wants to do anything. So sad break is almost over, and soon school
will be too.
something fun to happen. When George and everyone was free, I get a
phone call from Nelson "Chris, PLEASE come with me to Chicago to get
Pauline." He asked me enough times I said yes. Turned out he needed
my help anyway. He thought he knew the way but ended up having
trouble in a few spots and he/I both thought there was a map in the car
and it was completely soaked and useless. Before Nelson called I was
about to go eat too (was real hungry) and waited 4.5 hours until we got
back to eat. I didn't want us to lose time so I kept my mouth shut.
By the time we made it back it was past 10PM at night. We went to
Perkins. Pauline was a zombie having been up for more than a day and
so was mad at us, Nelson was mad at her for being mad, and I was
starving. For there only being 5 parties in the entire restraunt it
took more than 40 minutes for them to cook our meals, which was two
Chicken Quesadillas (appetizers, which should come out faster). We had to ask
for silverware (yes, it was needed), napkins, and water as the
waitress never came by. I am not going back to Perkins. I was mad
and went to bed instead of Saturday night TV at Petes.
Got up at 8 today to be productive. Finished going through Rink's CDs
at noon. Went to the computer lab, took care of details, finished
Mechanics, got to go out and throw a frisbee for half an hour as it
was a beautiful day, watched Simpsons, and will now spend several more
hours grading papers. Back in the swing of things.
Thinking about grad schools again, the two schools I will even
consider at this point are Stanford and UCSB. I still believe
Stanford may not be for me because:
* Too large. Entering EE grad class is 900+ UCSB is like 45.
* Fin-Aid is NOT a guarantee and I even read about loans. As an EE
grad student? Give me a break
However Stanford is definitely top notch. I really don't
like the two negatives above about Stanford. In the end I don't see any
of the 6 of us (Perk, Brian, George, RN, Rink) going to the same
school. Brian is IU bound, RN is ND bound, George will go to either
U Mich or possibly Illinois, Perk I see at Stanford (if he does not
get into Berkely that is), and Rink, well Rink I don't even think
knows where he will go. I'll most likely be at UCSB. So sad, but
hey, I guess it happens every few years in my life. It definitely
sucks more the older I get. Next time will be after grad school.
Ooow, a whopping 5 years at one place. Unbelievable, that will be my
new record.
Oh well, back to grading.
minimal. There are no labs or tutorials. I do not even have to be up
for class until 11AM. I will probably have 1 final and on the first
day of finals week. Worked on Mechanics today and pretty much
finished minus two errors and that is not due until Friday. Wow.
Next week I will have two tests though, which will probably be the down
point for the second half of this semester.
Last week I was introduced to the music artist Moby. I now have 7 songs of
his which means I like a lot. Very up beat, very original, almost
dance club but then he has songs like "God Moving Over the Face of the
Water" and the entire Animal Rights CD. Today I listened to a band
called Orbital. Very neat. Many twisted sounds and the average length
of a song is like 8 minutes. Perk said they have one that is 23
minutes which is just awesome. The music helped to change my sour
attitude from yesterday to make me hyper by the end of the day.
Watched "10 Things I Hate About You" at movie night a little while
ago. Lots of fun. I then went to La Fun where I bought 2 quarter
dogs for Tim, a hot dog bun which still cost me a quarter and I did
eat, and 1 gum ball which the lady let me have because of the bun, and
paid for the 75 cent purchase with a $20. Pete and George were
amused.
Nine weeks left. Must make the best of them. After graduation looks like a
little time at home, work at Texas Instruments, start at UCSB early (I
bet I do end up going there) so as to find housing and get acquanted
and settled before everyone else.
I am so in the mood for something exciting or thought provoking to
happen. I feel like I just came through several scenes of a movie
that had much setup and some conflict, it is now a quite scene, and it
is time for the plot to land a kicker. Ever wondered if your life is
like a movie? Everyone has heard that your life flashes before your eyes in
the end. I bet it is like watching the most personal and touching
movie ever. It is you, the star. People look for meaning in life.
Isn't life the meaning? Kind of like a trip. You don't go on a trip
to find meaning, the trip is the meaning. You take pictures, you have
fun, you make the best out of it you can. When you go on a trip,
wouldn't you want to do everything you could? In life, when you look
back at the end, don't you want to have done as much as you could?
Not just good things, the bad too. What would it be like to have never
cried, to have never lost people you cared about, to never have failed?
They hurt, but they are experiences that make the entire trip
better, more, I don't know, colorful.
Oh well, time for a little Sluggy. Oh yeah, Sluggy Freelance is this
cartoon George has got me hooked on (www.sluggy.com). It is aimed at
a male college smart-a$$ techie woman loving audience. I can relate
:). The guy is creative and I love Bun-Bun (pet rabbit). Until next
time.
C!
1:30AM, just when our rector was walking by who let me in. "Another
hard day at the lab?" He asked. "No, not really. I did an
assignment not due until Friday, watched a movie with friends, and
read comics." I actually hang out in the ugrad lab and can be found
there more often than grad students and most people. Why would I do
something so crazy? It turns out it is a nice place to work. I have
my music, lots of desk space, and chairs more comfortable than most my
other options. It doesn't get loud much and is only crowded a few
hours of the day. This last point doesn't bother me either because I
have a strategic location. The best reason for why I hang around is I
get to see people. Everyone stops in the lab at some point during the
day and some of my friends just hang out there too (more the CS folk
though :). Plus I have a really good computer sitting right in front of
me. Further proof that I am an excellent canidate for grad school
:*).
So I am going with Perk and Rink to visit Stanford. It is more of a
fun trip as I am pretty set on UCSB but since Stanford WILL reimburse
me for $400 and I will be splitting costs with two other people it
will cost me virtually nothing. The plane ticket will be $275, Rink
will have a car, a hotel room split three ways is cheap even in San
Deigo (with Stanford visitation special rates). Yeah. As Rink put it
"You can meet the profs you will be competing against" and as Perk put
it "Find out what they think of UCSB."
Today I finished Mechanics, went to BW3s, watched News Radio and
Simpsons, and will now work on research. This week will be nice.
Looks like I will have two tests next week so will take advantage of the
situation while I can. Will definitely make Senior Bar tomorrow and
am contemplating Heartland Thursday and this weekend will work to
install Linux on my computer.
C
and Branden I was stopped by a camera crew. They wanted to know
student reaction to President Bush speaking at my graduation ceremony!
First thoughts: Wow! Didn't expect that. Gave a nice conservative
statement. Of course I did make a few jokes: "Oh, if he is coming that
means it will be a good speech since he has all those writers for his
material." :) The guy was not as amused as Andy and Branden. I am
happy though. I could care less about the politics as I know other
people have mentioned. I am just happy my school is of such high calibar that
people like the President can talk at our graduation ceremony. Another thing
funny about all this is that it has yet to be officially announced by
the White House but is in the papers. The way I see it, this forces
the President to have to come or else he looks bad to the school and
all the ND alumn friends he has (the person who my hall is named
after, O'Neill, has been a long time friend of President Bush).
Went to Senior bar last night. Hung out with some of the juniors who
recently turned 21, Perk, George, Brian, and Jeff Squyres. George had
four alumni cups of beer (which equals 8 12 oz beers) but was still
just fine to go back to the lab and write his coherently written
journal. I was impressed. I had my usual one and it gave me a headache!
Talked to my parents about graduation today. My Dad cannot even
officially get Thursday or Friday off before graduation and even
"missing" work Friday the earliest they can arrive is Saturday
mid-day. Thats leaving Thrusday evening, yikes. They also barely
have a working car. My Dad is trying to figure out the finances so he
could at least lease a new vehicle at the same rate for the one he has
right now (the Mitsubishi that turned out to be the biggest lemon).
Grrr. Why must things suck for my parents so much? I agree with my
mom, "Get a Toyota, there the only cars we've ever had that can just
keep going and going." I have seen this over the years to be true.
Toyota's will still keep ticking AFTER 10 years. At Delphi I learned
that GM has it's car parts designed FOR 10 years, I now know never to
get Mitsubishi now, and I don't trust Ford- I've heard enough stories
about stupid things that company has done!
My parents are already looking ahead to California, before me even. I
haven't even officially choosen a grad school! They want me to have a
car but we all would prefer it not to be the Camary I now have (leave
for sister) nor the Mitsubishi (might get rid of soon because of all the
problems). My parents are also worried about me driving Texas to
California by myself with all my stuff. That is a LONG drive. Also
the whole housing obstacle course (Mental note, remember April 1st
sign up for housing lottery). Oh well, enought of that for now. Time
to do some work before going to Heartland (or maybe I'll just fall
asleep instead, I'm exhausted :).
C!
Woo hoo! Lots of fun. Perk, George, RN, and I headed out around
12:15AM. We were soon there and waiting in a long line, listening to all
kinds of odd conversations. Lisa and some friends joined us in line.
She had obviously "prepared" before coming :). The place was neat.
Large dance floor with a stage, next to the stage two sets of speaker
towers the size of stonehenge, TVs, strobe lights, all kinds of
lights, projections on the walls, fog machine. Very neat. Once in
George and I immediately got beers. Ice House, bleh. Met Cynthia and
Jenny Hickman and so talked to them a little. Oh, when ever I say
"talked," I really mean "Yelled at the top of our lungs right next to
each others ears." George and I wandered a little bit and then made
our way to the dance floor. Everyone was already dancing. I finished
my beer and attempted to dance for the first time since Freshman
year. It was fun. It turns out that no one else knows how to really
dance, a beer helps loosen you up so that the thought of everyone
looking stupid doesn't matter anymore, and that I have a brain and can
use it to figure out at least something to do. We were right in front
of the speaker so my ears still ring even now. Got to see the juniors
a little, some more people I knew, and Lisa doing some interesting
dancing. George ended up buying me a Bud, bleh. It's good to know
I'll never have an alcohol problem but I will have 1 or 2 drinks.
It was also neat that the whole thing was cheap. The cover was $1 and
beers were $1.
So turns out that like the rest of Freshman year things just sucked
then. You can't go to a party with no one you know or like and have
fun. Beer can help break the ice but I don't see anyone needing more
than just a few. People getting drunk is just sad. Also, need to be
with a good crowd. Had it been all townies it may not have been fun
and the same with a bunch of rowdy college kids. ND students are
pretty well behaved, they drink a lot, but overall are a good bunch
compared to your average college student.
So now that I know that I like clubs, I have to set some guide lines.
First, if I have time to go to a club then I better well make room for
God too. Therefore, if I go out I will require myself to go to
fellowship 1 or 2 times that week too. I will have to get the times
from Erik. Next, I will never have more than two drinks. My
tolerance is horrible and I will leave it at that too. Well, back to
research stuff.
C
Perk heard back from Stanford fin. aid. They didn't give him anything.
I think it's safe to assume he's not going there. Also, it would be
reasonable to think if Perk didn't get any money they will not help me
out any. True I have the GEM, but living off $6,000 for an academic
year at Stanford is not going to happen. Rent is easily $600+ a month
alone. So the Stanford trip really will be just for fun now and I
forsee UCSB shinning through even more.
Other thoughts concerning grad school are how to spend the summer. I
don't forsee working in a division at Texas Instruments that will help
me in grad school and after three summer internships I don't need
any more "real world experience." Therefore, I am thinking just drop
TI altogether, and GEM, and go out to Santa Barbara after spending a
month at home this summer. I will be paid, same rate as when I am in
school, I will learn the SB area, I will find HOUSING (VERY IMPORTANT), I
will start learning how to do meaningful research. GEM might get me
some more money but that is no longer a justifying reason. It would
be cool to stop by Fort AWSOME sometime too :).
Seeing:
Went out to get contacts today, starting with an eye exam. I saw
there was a Dr. Tavel by Sam's club when I went out yesterday looking
for bulk selling of Frappacino, mmmmm. I stopped by and they said
they did carry Focus contacts which I am intent on trying. I got
there today and paid a lot for a contact exam to find out that they
carry the brand but not in stock. That did piss me off. They won't
give me the perscription either until I workout with the optometrist a
pair of comfortable contacts.
Quake:
Well, we finally had a Quake Fest last night. Three hours with up to
five people. It was one ANSCI standard of fun. I am now adept at
mouse and can move very well. However I have an Achille's heel, my
setup is defunct that whenever I shoot, I can't move until I take my
finger off the button. This has caused me many fatalities in this
fast paced game. I have tried several things to fix this but to no
avail. Oh well, gives me an excuse when I lose :). I do well anyway
so it balances out.
Time to spend the day grading Electronics.
C!
Went to watch Lisa and her other seven theatre classmates perform
their one person productions last night. The skits were alright,
tending to be on the struggling individual side. One guy did some
kind of modified Romeo & Juliet skit were he talked in old English and
I could understand little of what he was talking about but it was
obvious he would be a good performer. Given that this is the only
semester Lisa has been able to take theatre classes she did well. Her
skit was, I assume, based on real life family struggles. I surely
would neve act as my hands and body would just start shaking. The
last skit stole the show though, about a 33 year old guy who's job was
an Elf at Santa Claus land at Macy's. It was hilarious.
Grading
This weeks assignment is going to take MANY hours to grade. Glad to see
though that students are putting wrong answers. "Why is this good,"
one may ask? Well, they have the answers already but not the method.
It makes me mad when they would put correct answers when they didn't
have the correct work, thinking I would just glaze over their papers.
I would take off three points of 10 just for lying (which is against
the honor code). Now people put the answer they actually get, I find
their mistake, I CORRECT their mistake (heaven forbid I have a good
grader that would do this for me), and end up taking off usually one
point. I am also happy to see I remember so much about Electronics.
Even before I looked at the solutions I would still remember how to
do a lot of things and often I would work things out different than
what the TA had to check students work and confirm things are correct
to myself.
MP3/CD Combo
I have some money from an Ebay auction that a seller returned because
the product never came. I thought I would look for a CD player with
skip protection but upon searching mp3/cd combos were coming out of the
woodwork. There are so many and most of them suck or cost several
hundred dollars. They are almost to the point where they are
worthwhile. I will wait until the ID3 is also standard on them. This shows
what the current song is which I can't see why you would buy one of
these things and not have it on there. They have everything else so
far: compatible with CDR/CDRW, mp3 in folders allowed, rechargeable
batteries, several hours of play time, wall plug, random playing, play
lists, etc. Hopefully I can get one by graduation.
C!
Well, I have been grading papers for more than 12.5 hours this weekend
and am only 3/5 of the way done of 50 papers. Geez. I will probably
beat my previous high grading time by double. Shouldn't stay this way
and nice to know the week I go to Cali there won't be any homeworks to
grade. So grading has been my day today besides...
Luncheon
The MEP office had its first of 3 senior send offs. It was a meal at
a nice convention center followed by a talk of a guy in charge of a
lot of production at Ford. He gave a real nice talk. He is a real
rags to riches story and was a great guy. We drove past his limo on
the way out. Theme of his talk: figure out what you want to do and
start doing it now. The longer you wait the more people will be ahead
of you. Glad I figured out before it was too late that I wanted to go
to grad school. I have little research under the belt but got in just
in time.
Test
Perk had me test the installation for his Aquinas program for him. He
made an easy to follow document and made changes every time I screwed
up :). That was 10 times :).
Time for bed, then get up and grade a lot more!
C!
Evil forces are conspiring against me today. Day started out with a
wake up call 20 min before time to get up letting me know the doctor
would be out of town the entire week because of a family medical
emergency and so my appointment for today was cancelled. I am now
almost out of back pain medicine and the next thing I realize is I
feel like I have the flu. No help for a week and I am NEVER going
back to ND health. I have been in pain the entire day despite LOTS of
asprin. Basically my body aches all over with it being incredibily
painful to the head and back. Of course people think it is fun to
touch, punch, and hit me today causing me to whinch in pain. All my
errands I tried to get accomplish today did not happen because people
where away, had moved, my email was done for a while, etc. Spent all
night grading and am now done, yea. 17.5 hours. With last week that
is 26.5 hours. LOTS of money! It was just really hard to do cause I
hurt so much. Glad the day is over. It's one of those days that
makes you appreciate the others. Tomorrow can only be better. Time
for bed.
C
scholarship which I need to bring over to the dome later. Hopefully
it will cancel most of one of my loans. I have felt horrible all week
because of this flu. It makes me mad because I was sick just 2-3
weeks ago. I did have two tests this week. I rocked them. Mechanics
I made sure I knew what I needed too, went into the test cocky,
erogant, etc., and had "Gladiator" fight scene music going through my
head while taking the test. If I missed ANYthing it will only hurt my
pride. Emag was interesting: one problem, one hour, 30% of the
grade. However, he gave us practice problems exactly like what was on
the test, I had programs to do some of the calculations for me, the
test problem had easy math manipulation, and I truly understood what
was going on. I wrote more about what was happening than equations.
Everyone agreed what the answer was too and I checked it with my
program to get the same thing. Yeah.
Will spend the day grading as the TA would like to have them back
tomorrow instead of Monday. I still feel horrible so no Heartland
tonight.
C
Quote from Sluggy-Freelance:
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard! In fact, that's so stupid,
I'm going to write that down on this list so I can laugh at it later.
Go Irish!
Well the Women's BBall team is now in the NCAA final. One more team to
go. I really thought they were going to lose when I went back to my
room at half time to order pizza and call home. Then when I come back
the story had did a complete 180. Wow! It would be the first time ND
women's bball wins the NCAA.
Hair:
Just got this funny email from Joe, my roomate from the past 2 years.
He has shaved his head bald, again :).
From: joe
Subject: hair?
what hair?
this is to answer all of your questions regarding my current hair style
(i.e. "JOE! Why did you cut all of your hair off?!!!")
well, several answers exist, and here are a few:
1. i have wanted to shock all of you for a long time, and it was taking
too long to get my hair back down to my knees, and a facial tattoo was
definitely out of the question, especially so close to Easter.
2. i had my peace corps interview, and was told that i will have a
place in peace corps (If i pass my medical and security check), ...so
i am celebrating.
3. ...or i am doing one last crazy thing before i represent all of you
and the rest of the USA to a foreign country.
4. have you been outside recently? summer is almost here, and it is
time for the summer hair cut.
5. with the typical depressingly sunless winter, i am soaking up all of
the cancer causing UV rays that i can.
6. i am once again conducting an experiment... and you're the guinea
pigs!
7. i wanted to feel prejudice, and remember that social justice is
worth fighting for.
Today:
Fun day with a lot in it, so I'll ramble for a long while about it.
Might as well start the day off from the beginning. Awoke at 9 to 2
emails from Abe. He found an mp3/CD player combo that was everything
I was looking for and more. Not only did it have the ID3 Tag thing so
you can see the name of the song, and it can run off 2 AA batteries
for up to 10 hours, plus everything else I was looking for before, it
had firmware that allowed the software to be upgradable. With this new
technology that is exactly what needs to be done. The hardware is fine
(LCD display, long battery life, reads CDR/CDRW/etc.). I read up on a
bunch of reviews and it seems to be the real deal. Cost as much as the
other one (again, thanks to Abe!) and will be here next week. I listen
to music so much now, and the idea of putting all the songs I could
ever want to listen to on a few CDs, made me say yes.
http://www.computers4sure.com/product.asp?productid=118795
http://bensbargains.net/
Then ran to my research meeting with Fay. The thing I have been working
on this semester will be made next Wednesday, yeah! Turns out I didn't
need the ProE drawing of it (doh, sorry George C.), and there still are
no parts for me to test. Way to go Pov (his grad student :). Fay knows
I try, so no problems there. Maybe I can do some reading and have that
count (like the manuals for the machines, or better yet the HPADS
program). Ran to BK for breakfast where I had a Ham Crossanwich (oops,
its Friday during Lent again, isn't it?). Feverously cranked out
grading Electronics, even during Mechanics while he went over the test.
Everyone did well. I got a 101, missing only a 1 point extra credit
problem. Turns out the 1992 ND Offensive Back End did not consist of
Jerry Springer, Marylen Manson, and Bob Davie. I thought he WAS looking
for humor though?
After class, finished grading to turn in a 34 hour time card. Woo hoo.
Lots of money next week! Off to lunch with the juniors, then 20 minutes
of Doom. As I am now proficient with the mouse/keyboard setup I am
even more dangerous at Doom. Off to guitar class. We had to play a
solo. My hands shake when I have to play a solo so I miss notes but
I played it without the music and saw people looking for my music when
I was playing. I so want to start playing trumpet again, it was so
much fun! Guitar I could easily work on like 4 times a week for like
30-40 mins, trumpet requires more time.
I then ran back to my room, dropped off the guitar, tried to find the
MAESSHPE stand for recruiting. I was not given a place so after half
an hour gave up. I then didn't feel good, as I am still sick, so took
a nap. As a side note, my throat was so congested when I awoke this
morning I could barely talk. After the nap, half hour of reading
Sluggy Freelance, then dinner with RN. Then watched News Radio and
Simpsons with Perk,RN, and Geroge.
After that, off to the Opera! My first experience. I went with Pat
Shea to Xerxes. We had seats right up front to the left a little. Saw 2
people in the performance I knew. Opera is neat. I like how the music,
voices, story, and emotions all tie in. For the level ND A&L majors are
at it was a good performance. I could tell the singers had difficulty
on some of the faster parts but overall did very well.
It was then back to Fitz to look for people to watch the game with. I
couldn't find anyone so went back to my dorm. A lot of the section was
watching the game in the section lounge so I joined them. Was a nice
time.
Well, tomorrow is mechanics and design, plus the Luau and maybe a party
(or at least Sat. night TV for the first time ever).
C!
Yesterday woke up late, did some Mechanics homework, and then went to
the Luau. It was a nice time. I thought it was going to be RN,Pete,
George, Anne, and I but Perk changed in for RN and Anne had a lot of friends
there and so we didn't talk to her after the start of the event. The
pork was excellent, the cocounut cake yummy, and poi-good night-was
awful! :) After trying it I said "OK, experienced that. Glad I don't
have to do that again." It was an audience-eat-while-being-
entertained deal. It started with some songs, then a band playing
Ragae, and then the Hula dancers. It was neat to see Lia and her mom
do a dance together. At the end were two guys who had MCed every
year who were amusing. They were sad it had to end. Afterwards back
to the lab and then 2 parties which leads to the next topic.
Friends:
Here is George's last journal which I want to reflect on
"After arun, shelece, perk, and chris left, things went exponentially
down hill. If I had known the future, I would have either gone to
the next party with arun and the rest of them, or I would have not
gone at all. After they all left, I pretty much didn't know anyone
and was waiting around until it was okay for me to drive back to
campus. The "silver lining" of the situation was that it all made me
realize something. Grad school has the potential to REALLY
SUCK. Unfortunately, I'm probably going to a school where none of my
friends will be going. I won't know anyone there and will have to
start all over again in terms of social life. I pretty much did that
once by coming to ND for college. I don't regret it since I've met
some great people, but I'm not sure if I'm up for doing it again. The
problem with grad school is that most of my fellow students will
probably not be all that into partying and may not even speak english.
I think I'm going to have to think really hard about what I'm getting
myself into. I've always chosen my career first before my happiness,
and so far it's basically allowed me to miss out on all the stuff
going on with my friends back home and to not have fun in general.
Granted, I've been able to support myself largely on my own merits and
have been to places and seen things almost no one else will ever see
in their lifetime. I'm also sure I've learned more than I would have
if I had chosen not to go to ND and not to accept the dod offer, but
there are still many times where I feel like I'm not experiencing
everything life has to offer. I may feel stupid about writing this
tomorrow after I've slept it all off. I don't know. Maybe it's good
that I'm writing this while I still feel the inclination to be honest.
Or maybe it's just a simple reaction to the fact that sitting around
in the corner at a party where you don't know anyone REALLY blows. I
just am unsure of a lot of stuff. Back in St. Louis, going to clubs
with some friends or to a party was always great. Even if you didn't
know most of the people there, things always turned out fun in the
end. Maybe it's just a Notre Dame thing (or a Notre Dame people
thing). Whatever it is, it really sucks. I'm sure I won't actually
make any drastic decisions based on this, but I can't help but think
about it all."
This made me think of several different things. The first is I
know how George felt like at the party. It was basically my
experience Freshman year with parties and I think the real reason I
never wanted to go to parties. Yeah, beer was always a factor but I
always thought it just wasn't fun. After Heartland and last night, I
agree with George: Parties are no fun if you don't have at least one
good friend to stick with. I have no problem speaking up and meeting
new people. The first place we went was the Bug hause last night. I
tried talking to 2 girls but it was like pulling teeth to get them to
keep talking. I had to keep coming up with questions and talking a
lot. I am pretty sure the 2 girls were just quite, observing later on
during the party. I ended up sticking with George and RN because I
just didn't want to try again, the place had become VERY crowded and
loud very fast. I was not going to start yelling at people "What's
your name?" and everyone already had their "groups." On the other
side of the looking glass, when RN, Shelece and I went to the Ultimate
house, which was also jam-packed with people, we were talking amongst
oursevles with Tom Feeney and another guy named Mike. At first sight
I thought Mike was a bit tipsy as he seemed out of it and had some
beer spilled on him (which upon reflecting back I realize probably was
not his fault, people trying to squeeze by was causing drink spills
everywhere). He was also quite. He was listening in on our
conversation. After a while, he said he was leaving, introduced
himself, got everyone's names, then left. It was then that 2 girls to
my right said "I kind of feel bad, he doesn't know anyone here." So
sad everyone can't be like Erik and actively go up and start talking
to people we haven't even met.
George also mentioned having left all his friends for his career at
college and felt he was about to do it again. Definitely something
I've had to become used too over the years and had done a good job at
until junior in college when I realized "Oh, wait, it is great to have
friends for more than 3 years." College has been great in that you
actually get to pick your friends. That's something you can't do
growing up in Haughton LA, Rogersville MO, or in a suburb of some
city. You have a few hundred people at best. You are not going to
find 10,000 people of similar age and many different interests and
have a good chance of meeting them through class, clubs, interest
groups, sports, and socially than at college. Unlike the standard 1
or 2 people I can still expect to be friends with years down the road
from the places I have lived I believe college will leave me with a
much higher number of true long distance friends. I don't think
choosing for career causes you to loose friends, it just makes you
have to repick and pick differently than you may want too.
Everywhere I have gone I have always been able to make new friends.
It has always been in the back of my mind though that it is only
temporary. Maybe that is the reason I have never had a best friend:
it takes longer than the time I stay in 1 place to have one. Anyway,
I no one thing to be true. The moves that have been by my choices,
not parents' military moves, have brought me to people more likely to
be good friends. Why? Similar interests. I came to ND to become an
engineer. I met other people who had the same goal and my better
friends are the ones with this goal. I then looked for people who
weren't party animals but wanted to have fun and who also cared about
there work. I think this describes most my friends. When I did my
internships the people I met had similar interests and so made for a
good background to start from. I then looked for people who wanted to
do more things of similar interest to mine: sports, religion, etc. It
found me people to be friends. When I go to Santa Barabara, I know
the field will be smaller to choose from but I expect other people who
are smart, knew a good grad school when they saw it, and who want to
have fun and do things like learn to surf and mountain bike, will be
there and I will find friends among them. When I do research I am
sure I will find other people who love there work but who also realize
there is so much to do in life besides work and manage to find time to
do it all.
So yeah, it hurts to start over. But it is for a reason. This is an
email my mom got that I think fits in just right here.
"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each
person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet
a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a
difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you
physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend,
and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an
end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to
take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realize is that our
need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need
has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON it is because your turn
has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of
peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never
done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe
it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must
build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is
to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned
to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."
Enough already. Back to finishing off enjoying senior year with
friends.
C!
Sunday watched the women's game. They are NCAA champs. Good show!
Happily, and sadly, it is the first NCAA championship at ND since
1995. I would have thought something else would have won since then.
We have a lot of good teams that are always ranked but not
championship teams. At least we had one while I was here.
Monday:
An easy day. Finished up Mechanics, watched News Radio, and watched
Event Horrizon. Event Horizon is a horror movie in space about 50
years down the time line. Some nice shots and fun music/sound
effects. Watched with a lot of people so didn't freak me out as it
did friends who had watched it for the first time by themselves at 2
in the morning.
Today:
In Emag we are well into transmission lines so missing class this
Thursday will not hurt me. Took care of some errands, then was about
to head out to the doctor. Thought I would call to make sure the
doctor was back this week. Was a good thing I did. He was running
very late and instead of 3:15 they said come at 3:30 or later. So I
went shopping (almost bought pants for $12 but didn't quite fit and
just looked around JC Penny) and arrived promptly at 4:10. I waited
2.5 hours to be seen. Oh well, it didn't bother me but everyone else
was getting really mad.
Told the doctor that I didn't think the back medicine made any
difference. My back is fine if I don't do anything to provoke it.
Once I workout, dance, sit uncomfortably, or what not I can feel it
aching. I just want to know if this something that will heal or not.
If it won't, then I can deal with the discomfort and continue doing
the things I like too. If it is still healing (which I did hear back
injuries can take 9-12 months to heal) then I will continue being
cautious and not going out of may to make sure I don't hurt something.
Doc recognized the fact I don't really need to come back and so
gave me a two month supply of Clariton-D. Went to Walgreens down the
street. Waited about 10 minutes while reading (googling?) at the
Sports Illustrated swim suit edition.
Oh, I was weighted at the doctors office, 179 with clothes. This
means I have lost about 5 pounds. I have been eating smaller meals,
typically 2 but I want 3. It's just I haven't bought milk to have
cereal for breakfast and going to the dinning hall for breakfast instead.
Weather in Cali:
Perk looked up the weather in California for the time we will be there
(Thursday to Monday). It turns out it will be raining again and the
temperatures in South Bend will actually be warmer. I am now
convinced Perk is a weather-bad-luck charm.
Stocks:
The Dow dropped near 300 points today and NASDAQ 100. There are a
number of tech stocks at under a dollar. Cisco is at like $16.
Since companies aren't reaching their quarterly expectations anaylists aren't
expecting things to get better until the end of the year. Hopefully
I'll be settled by then and can buy some stocks.
Friends:
George had this to say in his journal about the recent string of friendship.
"I leave an open invitation to all my friends to call me, email me,
visit me, hang out with me, or whatever for the rest of my life.
Yeah, now you have NO excuse! ;) As a corollary to this promise, I
also promise that if any of you offer the same invitation I will
definitely take advantage of it."
So I will also extend this invitation to my friends, now and from the
past.
C!
Thursday:
Had a 5:40AM flight. On the way to the airport our cabbie nearly
killed us deciding to go straight when only the turning arrows were
green. While waiting for the flight we talked to Keara (spelling?), a
friend of Perk's and an acquaintance of mine. She was headed to Florida
for the micro-plane competition. Her job: the batteries :). Oh well,
she gets a free trip out of it. The flight was scary. Smallest plane
I've been on. No stewardess either. The Cleveland airport is very
nice. The next Continental flight I was happy with. The seats have
these wings for head rests that are adjustable and you can rap around
your head. Every plane should have them.
Arrived late in LA, 12:45PM LA time. Rink was no where to be found
so Perk and I sat around. Went back in the terminal to
get some drinks only to be hit up by a modern day Harri Krishna. It
was an amusing experience. He asked "Are you Army or Marine?" My
hair cut is short and a lot of military people had been coming
through. Rink showed up around 1:50PM. His flight got cancelled and
so he was rerouted. We took a cab to Loyola to pick up Rink's car.
It was quickly found, so we toured the campus. Pretty little campus
with a view of a lot of LA.
Our stomachs were growling so we made our way to Jerry's Famous Deli.
I had a large omelet with potatoes, half of one of Rink's pancakes,
and partook of the HUGE seven layer cake with ice cream, fudge, whip
cream, and cherries. I broke my Lent promises every day in California
and this trip was known as "C-dawgs weekend of debauchery."
It was time to trek to San Francisco. We took Highway 5 most of the way. It
is basically a straight shot between the two. Most of the ride was
very flat with mountains to the West and desert to the East but was
not without variation. We saw countless orchids of all kinds, some
pretty scenery, and dust devils. Most of the trip we had our own
tunes playing, usually from my MP3/CD player. This came Tuesday. The
thing is awesome: nice sound quality, have not had problems reading
any discs (even ones mixed with computer data, it picked out the
mp3s), the software in the player is upgrade-able, average battery life
for CDs is 6 hours for MP3s is 14 HOURS (this is because it reads a
song into memory and then the disc stops spinning), nice controls, and
the ID3 tag. Perk and Rink were both impressed.
We got to Palo Alto around 8:30. This is Stanford area and where are
hotel was. Rink saw this green Explorer that he thought was Mike and
Lisbeth, friends of ours that graduated last year and are now at
Stanford. So Dave starts driving wild and honking the horn trying to
get there attention. Instead it was two Asian people who were very
freaked out. We made fun of Dave for it the rest of the trip. Found
our hotel with ease. It was decent but not what you expect for $100 a
night (this was discounted from $145). Perk and Rink were tired and
we would have to get up early so we went to bed.
Friday:
Once outside we find it is raining. The whole time we were in Cali
the weather was better in South Bend. Perk and Rink have cursed
weather on their California trips. When they visited Santa Barbara it
was the worst weather in like 100 years. Stanford was close by,
parking was done in a garage without a pass since Stanford didn't tell
us what to do. Made our way to outside the Turman building. There
was a narrow setup with some food and some tables for the different
labs. After some loitering we moved inside to an auditorium. There
was some introduction and a brief presentation by each of the labs.
Perk took funny notes the whole time giving points for good and bad
things. He gave a -10 for them using Moore's law, +10 for citing the
Microsoft law "Each year it takes Microsoft twice as many transistors
to process a single letter," and +1 for working a penguin into a
presentation. :) For lunch they had a hamburgers and grilled chicken
sandwiches plus cookies. I grabbed one of each sandwich and two
cookies. I start eating when Perk looks over at me and says "What are
you doing, isn't it Friday?" So much for meat-less Friday.
After lunch we started looking around the HP engineering building we were
in. On this one mall they had this huge collection of circuit boards
that was framed and labeled "The Mother of All Boards." Lisbeth and
Mike then found us. It was nice to see them again. They gave us the
low down about things at Stanford. We said we would see them later
that night and headed off to a meeting about TA ships. It sucked so
we cut out and went on a tour of the lab we were all interested in,
SSPL. Can't remember what it stands for but is basically the solid
state lab. After the tour was a poster boards show of graduate
student work with some graduate students to talk about what they did.
Sadly I didn't find too many projects I thought I would like to work
on. I made sure it was all the SSPL stuff as the show was in two
different buildings but it was so.
We then headed to Lisbeth's apartment which is on campus. She got
into a new building and had a nice single. Mike was diagonally a
floor above. We had fun, chatted, checked email, and ate before
heading out to a comedy club called "Rooster T. Feathers." It was fun
but I was a little ticked. The main act was a guy I had seen THREE
TIMES now. The first was on HBO like 10 years ago, the last time was
three summers ago when working at Delco in the summer at a comedy club
in Indianapolis, and now again. About half the act I had already seen
twice. It was two drink minimum so I had these fun drinks that may
have had some light alcohol in them. Thing is, they came in tall
glasses that they filled to the brim with ice. I got maybe a shots
worth of actual drink in each glass. It was still a fun time though.
Rink then had this crazy idea of trying to get this desert wine which
he had in Boston visiting MIT and was suppose to be found in
California. We stopped off at like 5 places that sold liquor to no
avail. Lisbeth was going to take a funny picture of me when she said
"How do I open the lens shutter? This switch?" and she opened the
film up. I'll probably loose half the roll which had pictures from
the last Cali trip. Doh. Went back to Lisbeth's, we traded some Palm
stuff (she has a Palm Vx) and then back to the hotel to bed.
So, to analyze Stanford...
+ World class research
+ Many opportunities
+ Many facilities
+ Many good departments (everything is top notch, even the sports)
+ Beautiful campus
+ Nice weather
+ Very good peers
- Too freakin big
- Unfriendly. I heard the profs are nice but they have 20 grad
students each.
- No one has financial aid. They expect you to wing it and pick
something up yourself. They have this "where the best so we don't
have to worry about it" attitude. Funny, MIT and Caltech take care
of there people. Mike is paying for his first year because he is
still waiting for this old witch of a lady to give him a TA ship.
What's up with that? The only grad school where an American may not
get funding. You may not even touch research until your 2nd or 3rd
year.
- Quals are stupid. There qualifiers are designed for a 50%
success rate. They take on too many people so they have enough
people to TA and keep the bank account healthy. Its grad school.
I'm here to learn. Competing with my peers ended with undergrad. I
want to spend my time researching and learning not beating my
classmates and studying for an insane qualifier.
- For as much resources as they had there was not enough things I
found interesting.
By the end of the day I had set my mind on Santa Barbara where I
already have funding, an advisor who cares about me, and will be doing
research THIS SUMMER, not two years down the road.
Saturday:
We took the scenic drive up to San Fran on 280. On the left is all
land to preserve nature. A beautiful drive. We made our way to
Berkeley. Perk was going to spend the day looking for apartments for
his Kommune. It was lunch. We ended up stopping in this deli 3 times
but ate at Blondies Pizza. Made the mistake of getting 2 pieces
again. I barely finished. Sooooo muuuch pizza. Soooo gooood.
Rink and I drove to the North side of the bay (North of the Golden
gate). We took a 10 mile winding road that went up the mountains and
down into a narrow valley to Muir woods. This is a park with Red
Woods 100's of years old and up to 200 feet tall. You look up and you
still can barely see the tops. We hiked around. It was beautiful and
fun. After about an hour or two there we went up a mountain right
next to the Golden Gate to take pictures of the bridge. For the first
time it was beautiful out. No fog in the bay is a rare thing and we
had perfect photo opportunity. We took many pictures from many
perspectives. Also on the mountains were military batteries. One was
a fort that had some 12 inch guns on it that was decomissioned back in
like 1940's. The other were these two tunnels and cement structures that
pointed at the sea. It was a constructions sight during WWII that was
going to be for two guns weighing 1 million pounds each and being able
to aim 27 miles out to sea. However, the project was not completed as
the military realized they were prone to plane attacks and abandoned
the project.
It was getting close to dinner time and so we needed to meet Perk. We
high tailed back to Berkeley and ate at a Cambodian restaurant called
"Cambodian's," no joke :). Descent food, reminded me of some home
meals. Berkeley has so much Indian influence with shops everywhere
such as "Krshna's copies," a copy center. I saw a bumper sticker that
said "My Karma just ran over your Dogma." We went back to visit
Lisbeth. Mike's parents and sis had come over for the weekend and
they were all watching a movie. We chatted for a little bit then
headed back to the apartment. Saw a funny story about this goose that
always flies with this particular family whenever they drive around in
this truck. The goose will fly directly outside the driver window,
passenger window, or right in front of the vehicle. The bird has
gotten up to 65 miles an hour. We then slept.
Sunday:
Headed out early. Grabbed breakfast at McDonald's where I again got
some sweets. We headed to Monterey, and went immediately to the 17
mile drive. It is $8 to get in. Inside is a forest, many expensive
houses, about three golf courses, Pebble Beach, the Lone Cyprus, and
lots of beautiful views of the Pacific against jagged coastline. Kind
of cloudy out. Of course Perk, being a red neck, says "I want a
picture of me on top of those rocks" and then jumps the fence and
climbs out to the rocks that are surrounded by turbulent water and
waves. Once I saw it was safe I joined him :). We took many pictures
along the route. I contested the loneness of the Lone Cyprus saying
"Its not alone, look, there's another tree just to the left that looks
pretty old too. And those other trees away from the rocks look even
older and are relatively close. There's nothing lone about it."
We jumped on PCH1 (Pacific Coast Highway). It is this two lane
highway that runs along the coast. On your left is about a few hundred
extra feet to the top of the mountains, on your right is an even
larger few hundred feet drop to the ocean. Beautiful drive, but 100
miles of it was too much, I was getting a headache, and Rink was
speeding very badly and passing every single vehicle he could. Oh,
note to the wise, Rink is a crazy driver. When on a normal highway,
Rink may do as much as 30 miles above the speed limit and I'm not
talking short bursts. Thing is he doesn't screw up and he can afford
the ticket he would get, so digress. We jumped back on the real
highway and continued toward LA. On the way we heard on the radio
"1/3rd of LAX (LA International Airport) workers have criminal
records."
We drove straight to Caltech to get Megan. Megan I met last summer at
TI and is a Freshman engineering intent major. Megan loves her school
saying it is small, pretty, and a lot of fun. She is doing very well
in school, has a boy friend, and will go back to TI this summer. Rink
and Perk found her to be awesome.
Next stop was a restaurant on Sunset Blvd. called Cravings. There we
met Rink's sister, Nancy, and two of her friends. They go to Loyola.
These girls where very upper class in manner and clothes, and as Perk
put it "Nancy had three words in her vocabulary: like, (something I
forgot), and some kind of funny laugh." Megan was going nuts, not
meshing well with them. Afterwards she said "It's women like that give us
a bad name." :) Was a good dinner, excellent dessert, and Rink took
the bill! Woo hoo! Thanks Rink.
The four of us drove up the hills to get a nice view of LA. It is
unbelievable where people build there houses and many times you think
the road ended but it just went into what looked like someone's drive
way, turned 90 degrees, and kept going. We did find an awesome view
though and tried taking some pictures. Hopefully they come out.
It was time to drop Megan off and head to an apartment. Took a wrong
turn through China town, had a bad incident with dog crap, and finally
ate at an In-N-Out burger. If you are in California, eat at an
In-N-Out burger. You'll be a happier person for it.
Monday:
Flight back was uneventful. Almost got a chance to get a free ticket
but it didn't workout. Copied notes from Eric for the days I missed
and watched Spinal Tap, a "rockumentary" fictious in nature that was
funny
Tuesday:
Today I finally get my contacts. I am now filling out the "No" and
"Yes" grad school acceptances, cancelling GEM fellowship, telling TI
"No," and taking care of other business. We have roughly 4 weeks left
of school work. Things are great.
C
for grad school and other stuff. One thing is a TI guy offered me an
intern. It would have been in the wireless department in Dallas helping
customers to incorporate TI chips into their cell phones. This was
the perfect job LAST summer. I am continuing with the research plan.
So I still needed to cancel the GEM fellowship. When I told the lady
my story she said that since I already worked a summer, and it is too
late for the money to go to someone else, that I should try and get
the internship requirement waived and keep the fellowship. Turns
out that happened. Now I have a fellowship that pays everything and
provides $14000 and another that pays everything for a year and
provides a $6000 stipend. When they mesh together I should get a
stipend larger than $14000 and everything paid for. Cool. This
together with the recent scholarship money will have me all set
financially when I go out to UCSB. The only problem now is where to live.
Started looking into housing at UCSB. Looks as though getting housing
from the university is about a 50% shot so I need to look off campus.
There is a service the school provides but it will not help until UCSB
has processed my acceptance. I will wait until next week before
continuing.
Perk is deciding now between UCLA and UCSB. Yesterday prof. Hu, THE
expert on nanofabrication who is at UCSB, extended a formal invitation
to Perk to join her group. This has tiped UCSB in the scales. Hope
he follows through. It would be nice to have at least one friend at
the same school. Rink is trying to decide between Caltech and UCSB.
No word of either way yet.
Read an interesting article for Emag last night. It was about the
current generation of cream-of-the-crop students in colleges. The
article will be discussed in Emag class tomorrow so I will take notes and
write about it next journal.
My Dad booked a $99 flight from LAX to San Antonio for July 2nd. He
is going to help me get out to California and find an apartment. I
will have a car in Cali and a cell phone by then too :).
My cousin (Paul) didn't get into ND. Was kind of dissappointing but
I'm sure its because of His plans. Paul is now trying to decide
between Baylor, where he has scholarships and loans that cover
everything, and U of Houston, where he would get paid like $10,000 to
go too and would be done in 3 years. He wants to finish quick and get
a Masters. He wants to go to a good school for his Masters so he is
not sure about U of H. Also, he wants to get away from home (Houston
for him). Both undergrad engineering programs are ranked in the top
100 of US News and World report (ND was not). I told him to call the
Engineering offices and talk to profs. for their opinions and talk to
students. When looking for students I told him to try and get seniors
and find out where they will be after graduation.
Wow, God has really cut me a break these last two months. My biggest
problem is trying to find an apartment. Life is good.
Well Rink ane Perk have finally decided on a grad school: UCSB! The
three of us are going to UCSB. It makes me happy I will already have
some friends when I go out there. We will probably be in different
classes and be doing different work during our time there but its nice to
have some people to hang out with. We will apply for the graduate
housing but maybe we will find a large apartment or something else
off campus.
FABing:
Helped Rink and Perk FAB Wednesday night. Was my first experience in
the ND FAB. We worked for about 3-4 hours before giving up. Nothing
worked the way we wanted too but it was all a good learning experience
for me.
Thursday:
Since we are off Friday and Monday for Easter, yesterday was the end
of the week. So I of course started the weekend off right. I played
single player Doom II on the Unix machines a lot of the day. The one
class I did have Lent went over the article (will discuss later) and
then talked about his QCA research the rest of the time. It was
great. I saw a few of the juniors falling asleep but it all made a
lot of sense too me, especially since I already know Perk, prof Lent,
and Chris Russo. They are trying to make QCA with stable biological
molecules now and use DNA like a circuit board to put them down on.
Really neat. Too bad QCA is not at Santa Barbara :).
Watched News Radio, then Tony Haggle started putting Linux on my
laptop. This took much too long because my laptop needed to defrag
and was being a pain in the butt about it. We watched Simpsons (on at
6:30 on Fox) and High School High. It worked that I was able to
partition my harddrive and the dual boot works too. However, Linux only
works in console mode. Hagale found a page of someone who put Red Hat
(what I am using)on my exact laptop so when he gets back Monday
hopefully we can get everyting working. In the middle of this got
drafted to play a little bit of basket ball. Was fun to be active for
the first time in months. My back is a little sore for it today.
Friday:
Have spent the day working on Emag homework and am now done with
that. This weekend I also want to do a lot of work for design and get
back to playing guitar (has been over a week now). Will probably
watch a movie and play some doom tonight.
The ultimate key binding:
While doing some Matlab code today I found the ultimate key binding
Ctrl-h -b
What does it do? It LIST ALL KEY BINDINGS. Also, whatever you are
working on (say Matlab for example) it lists all the extra key
bindings for that too.
before writing this journal and now there is lots to talk about.
Easter:
Got up at 6:50am to go to the 8am mass. It was bad because: I was
going by myself because none of my friends would join me, it was
raining and due to the strong South Quad winds I was soaked by the time
I got to mass, I sat next to a couple with a baby that of course had
outbreaks. It was great because it was mass in the Bascilica and it
was Easter. Funny thing, I was in the 3rd row and in the front row
was a family with a father I recognized. The father was Major Thomas,
Eric's NROTC physical instructor who is a marine that I have personally
seen at 6:50am at Rolf's bench pressing 315 pounds (yup, that's 6
cookies!)!! What made the sight funny though was there was a wife and
three kids, ALL BOYS, and ALL about in their teenage years with buzz
cuts looking a lot like dad. It made me chuckle to myself :).
After mass grabed brunch at South, called home, and played Diablo II
until 12:20 (yup, playing the Devil's game on Easter :). Then set off
with Joe to his house. There ended up being about 9 other kids besides
the "boys," Joe, Ben, and Gabe. In attendance were Melissa Gipert,
Jenny Hickman (in a pretty dress), Stephanie (girl from my English
comp. class), Jeff Steedle, Amy (Ben's girlfriend), Margaret Fultz, Mike
(Melissa's boyfriend), and myself. It was a fun time as usual. I
forgot that Joe's family has a lot of foods that are fruit and
vegetable oriented (which I don't like) but I came prepared with a
platter of chocalete this time! I spent a lot of time trying to solve
this really hard puzzle. I was so determined that I asked Joe if I
could bring it back to school. He let me. I still can't do it. I
may have to admit defeat but I will still try some more!
Got back to campus just in time to go with MAESSHPE to Don Pablo's for
a free meal. Eric came which made it more fun for me. I was so full
from the other two meals that I barely finished half my meal. THIS IS
A RECORD FOR C-DAWG. I always finish my meal and then help other
people with theirs when I go out to eat. Went back to campus to watch
more Transformers with Eric. What a nice day.
Monday was a blur. I just know I did little and had fun goofing off.
At night I watched Alien and Aliens at RN's movie night. Good stuff.
A little too many "space xxxx" jokes for my liking but a nice time.
Grad Schools:
Trying to finish grad school stuff with other schools. UC San Diego
got back to me last Thursday. They then emailed me Monday not for a
response, but to let me know they would be sending paper work my way.
How nice, and pompous to think I am going to their school and without
financial support. Well, since they took their sweet time getting back
to me, while letting Leo know months ago he was in, I will wait until
what feels like the last minute to ping them an email "Oh yeah, I'm not
coming, since you waited to the last minute to give me a decision.
Sorry for not giving earlier notice. I was too busy with all the paper
work from the other grad schools."
UCLA I have even less respect for. I called today to find out that not
only had I not been accepted, they hadn't even bothered to send out a
letter yet to let me know. They are "Too flooded with paper work from
all the applicants." They are full of @#$%. Stanford and UT get MANY
more applications (I checked) than them and were much more efficient
and professional. In fact, when I called to ask last year if my
application had been received, and when I called those four times two
months ago to find out if I had been accepted, they at that time too
said "We have so many applications bogging us down." I want my money
back. I'll just keep it in the back of my mind instead. Both these
schools I feel were unprofessional with their admissions.
Linux:
Last night Tony helped me get Linux completely running on my computer.
Woo hoo! Now I need to start getting all the cool toys my friends
have.
FABing:
FABed again Tuesday with Perk and Rink but to little success. We were
still having problems. Then today we tried again. Rink and Perk said
it was the best FABing experience they have had. We now have like at
least 30 microcoils of varying number of turns. I turned out to be a
big help for them. I have learned a lot from them and I even taught
them a little about wafer scribing. It was all great. Tomorrow we will
meet to get the coils wire bonded and mounted, then after a little
testing we will hopefully be done!
Well, lots to do tomorrow and this weekend. Back to the grindstone for
a little while longer.
C!
Uncle Dave:
My uncle Dave visited me Thursday. He is my Dad's brother, about two
years younger. He still lives in NY, having been there all his life.
He lives on Long Island, has two girls in high school, and is a cop. As
a cop he also trains dogs for Search and Rescue. His current dog is
named Storm, a 67 lbs. German Sheppard that I got to meet too. My
uncle was in Southern Indianapolis this week having his dog take trial
tests. He drove three hours one way to see me, with the last time we
met I was about 10 and was a VERY beach blond kid who was scared of
his dog Storm (first one, the one he has now is the second).
He arrived about 5. I knew we hadn't much time so I gave a quick tour
of the main parts of campus: the main building, the chapel, the
grotto, my room, and the engineering building. He was very impressed,
his older daughter wants to come to ND so it was good for him to see
the school. Back at the van he let the dog out. Storm has the two
large canine teeth replaced with solid steel ones, this cost $3000.
The dog was very playful and had a great toy to play tug of war with.
I had more than twice the dogs weight but it would fight. If you let
go, it walked right back up to you and looked at you with sad eyes
that said "Again?" Dave showed me some cool pictures of him repelling
from a helicopter, his team CLIMBING up the large support cables of
the Brooklyn bridge, and of his house.
We then headed off to Papa Vino's. I felt bad about it
as it is one of my favorite restaurants in town and we both received
dirty silverware and I think my meal made me sick. Afterwards we went
back to campus to the bookstore. He bought his kids Lacrosse shirts
and then had to head back. Nice time.
FABing:
I have certainly been in the FAB a lot this week. Friday from 3PM to
2AM I spent wire bonding (with 1 break for food). Perk was around for
an hour before leaving to prepare for his party. Rink and John never
showed up. It took me 2 and a half hours to thread a 100 micrometer
wire trhough a hole that was to small to see, behind a needle where I
could not see what I was doing. Afterwards, the wire ended up
breaking four more times. Then I couldn't get the wire to bond to the
silicon and copper. This was truly hell. After about 8 hours
everything worked and I made 9 working coils. Hopefully we can get
them tested today.
Hell:
Perk and RN had a party last night with a hell theme. The place was
well directed with humor abounding everywhere. When the guests
arrived, they were made a name tag that said their sin, name, and had
a picture. Mine was lust. Shelece had "divide by zero," George's I
think was deforestation. I lost my tag so I guess I am a lost soul
now :). George and Joe Taylor did an NYSNC routine, at the end of
which Perk and RN pretended to kill them with devil pitchfork's :). A
good time. I cut out early as I wasn't feeling well. I think I woke
up with a cold yesterday (headaches, sweating in my air conditioned
room, stomach aches).
Well, back to work.
C!
Sorry for the outage. Things were busy the last week. I have one
more day of class, one day of lab work, one report, possibly one
presentation, one mechanics assignment, and two finals before I am
done with Notre Dame school work for ever. Emag has been cool stuff
as we have learned about antennas. I calculate all I need is a 60% on
the Emag final to GET AN A. I could miss the final and still pass the
class with a B! :) Mechanics final is the only thing I am worried
about. If I do well there I get a 4.0 again and graduate Magna Cum
Laude. But then I don't really care much about that any more, I'll
just give it my normal good effort and let the chips fall where they
may.
Some fun things have happened of late too. This Sunday was the EE/CSE
student/faculty picnic. I had the worst burger in my life :), played
some soccer, and played in a game of softball. The EEs won. My back
was not too sore from it either. I did stretch before hand so maybe
that is all I need to do.
I have started hoarding the printing paper boxes from the computer lab
to use for storage of my stuff. I am going to start packing things
today. Realized all my shorts are uncomfortable or don't fit so will
have to do some shopping soon. Someone will by my couch for $25 and
am now trying to sell the fridge. Perk and RN had to sell the ball
pit and here was the ad they had posted all over campus:
WE HAVE BALLS!
For Sale 9000 balls.
Suitable for dorm room ballpit
Contact arodrig6@nd.edu or
khennes1@nd.edu
(Preference given to engineers and
Keenan Hall residents)
:) Fun stuff. Watched "The Lost Highway" at movie night last night.
David Lynch films are so confusing if you don't have the right frame
of mind going in. I should not have known anything about the movie
before hand as I was looking for a murder mystery. Everything in the
movie is about imagery and symbolism, on a much grander scale than
what I was able to pick up with just one run through. His movies are
very unique because of it. Most people go to the movies for a story.
Lynch's movies make you think, as with Lost Highway and Eraser Head.
Lynch also does some amazing cinematographty with long shots, special
lighting, even selection in props for items found around the house.
I will not say anything else about the movie except that if you watch
it, don't go in thinking you are watching a movie.
The Atlantic Monthly:
I meant to talk about this a while ago :). This was the article from
Emag class. It is very long but worth the read so if you are busy now
save if and read it later.
A reporter, David Brooks, thought he would take a trip to
Princeton to see how "the young people who are going to be running our
country in a few decades are like." In a 15 page article he discusses
many ideas about what he sees and connections with the past. He sees
students that work everyday, all day, on many different things. One
student recited problems she was stuck on before going to bed so that
she would think about them in her sleep and solve them by morning, and
it did work some times. The students he met got less than 6 hours of
sleep a night, and had to schedule time to hang out with best friends
"or I would loose touch with them." Little dating goes on as people
don't have time to put into real relationships. As hard as they work
would be slavery if not for the fact that they like what they are
doing. In fact, they are happy, peaceful, authority respecting,
nonprotesting, "professional students." Many would have trouble
calling a professor by their first name when asked to do so. They
don't want to fight the system, they want to climb it. They are the
opposite of the baby boomers.
The reporter then looks at where these kids come from. It turns out
they were groomed this way since birth. Parents are so over
protective and want their kids to succeed that they are made the way
they are from birth. To-be mothers have a wide range of music
selection for their baby-to-be that will stimulate the child
even in the womb. Why? Science shows that "even before birth
children need stimulation and feedback if they are to build a strong
web of brain connections." There are a ton of books on how to
scientifically raise a child correctly. More and more safety
regulations keep kids from getting hurt. Remember the jungle gym?
Its banned now, to dangerous that a kid may fall from. Want to swim
in the lake at camp? You MUST have a life preserver. Lets not even
talk about designer babies through DNA manipulation. Here was another
interesting statistic, the US produces and uses about 90% of the
world's Ritalin and genric equivalents. There is almost literarly a
pill for everything. When will the pill for sin come out? I'd like
to buy a bunch :).
Adolescence is hard because then the kids start to get freedom,
and that's a problem. Colleges look for ways to keep students from
drinking at all, instead of letting them find out for themselves how
to deal with it. Notre Dame is a good example of trying to make sure
kids keep in line. "Parietals?" ask students from other schools,
"What's that?" Even standard social conventions try and mold
students. Boys should not drink, be nice, and should stay away from
the women, the women are "assertive and make a show of
self-confidence, especially the athletes. Members of the women's
soccer team have T-shirts that read YOUNG, WILD, AND READY TO
SCORE... brashness that would be socially unacceptable if the boys
tried it." Even fellow peers create this professional student,
"All your life you have been pleasing your elders, performing and
enjoying the hundreds of enrichment tasks that dominated ryou early
years. You are a mentor magnet. You spent your formative years
excelling in school, sports, and extracurricular activities. And
you have been rewarded with a place at a wonderful university filled
with smart, successful, and cheerful people like yourself. Wouldn't
you be just like the students I found walking around Princeton?"
So we can see where the students he sees come from. What they are
doing is not necessarily bad. They will have good, "successful,"
lives. And they will raise their kids properly from birth, so they
can do well when they start school, so that they can do well in high
school, so they can go to a good college, so they can have a
successful job, so their kids can raise their kids properly from
birth, so they can do well when they start school... isn't something
missing?
"At dinner one evening a young man proposed that if we could just
purge the wrongs that people do to one another over the next few
generations, the human race could live in perfect harmony ever
after, without much need for government or laws or prisons. I asked
the other 8 or 9 students at the table to reflect on this, but they
quickly veered off toward how long it would take to bring about this
perfect world. I aksed specifically if human beings were
perfectible in this way. Some grunted in vague assent, and one
young woman-a conservative Christian who had interned for Jesse
Helms the previous summer- said that she agreed with what the young
man had said. Apparently the doctrine of original sin had not left
much of a mark on her."
Where are the morals taught? These kids can't even discuss if things
around them are good or bad let alone fight for them. Why would
earlier generations be able too? It's been a while since a world war
for one reason. During WWII, sin was incarnate in an army that was
killing millions of people for no reason other than religion. Its
hard to fit in all those classes on philosophy, morality and values
when the schedule is full with pre-professional-x-major.
College used to be about "discovering your duty or else create it and
then swear allegiance to its high behest." Now it seems to be about
finding happiness or preparing for a job. The whole "growing" aspect
seems to be disappearing. I had a cousin tell me "The only reason I
would ever want to go to college is to learn how to be an engineer."
I have friends who have done a protest before and such, but I only
have one friend, Joseph Smith, who I have ever seen continuously
actively protesting things he does not believe in. As far as the
Princeton standards go he is not the ideal student but I think him,
and his family, are the greatest. The entire protesting scene is very
weak on campus. No one wants to risk getting in trouble and they are
too busy with the other things in their life to fight about the things
they care about. I am no exception. Another point he made was "They
live in a country that has lost, in its frenetic seeking after
happiness and success, the language of sin and character-building
through combat with sin."
So in the end, I am happy that ND has already made me aware of
things as what was discussed in this article. I do believe that
Americans (including myself) have a problem of not knowing what is
important in life, of working very hard for no reason except material
happiness, and for trying to diagnose problems as a "sickness." We
all suffer from some sickness and there is not a pill for it. I
remember Perk talking about in a journal once about how he was upset
with our Theo class as he had to give up the ideas of class as an
exploration in life and an opportunity to learn something interesting
about the world to "memorizing what the teacher wants us to know and
spitting it back at him." ND overall has been very good and I wish
many more schools were like it. I am sure they are not, just look at
what this man had to say about Princeton's current understanding of
morality.
I will stop now as this is already so long. The article is on my desk
and I invite disscusion with other people about.
C!
went well. I studied all day yesterday for it. It took so long
because after I calculated that I needed a B- in the class (already
having an A), it was SOOOO hard to keep motivated :). I now have a
paper and a final left. I am not even worried about the final and
will do the paper today. Almost done, woo hoo!!!
In what my mom has called a postal miracle, all my invitations made it
to everyone on the same day as she got calls about it. So that's
Texas, New York, and Florida. Pretty cool.
The nice weather is being murder on my nose. I had been delinquint
about the Clariton a little so will get back on track and see if I can
breath again.
Other than that, nothing else to write. Tomorrow and Sunday will be
fun days, Monday I'll study a little, and Tuesday I'll BE DONE!
C!
That sums things up about now. Friday ended up not doing any work,
beating Diablo II, and going to see "The Mummy Returns" with a bunch
of friends. The line was insane even an hour before the movie. Was a
fun watch. Not much in terms of a strong plot and the movie was
definitely all about the eye candy and the big bang, but was a lot of
fun.
Saturday awoke to Pauline calling me (getting up before 11AM is
happening less and less these days). Got ready and went out to
Chili's with her, Nelson, and Abe. Abe informed me that are Emag
final was cancelled and now the project is worth the full 40%. NO
MORE FINALS. Woo hoo! I will have to go back and improve my program
even more now. Once I do that and a paper, I am done with work at ND!
After Chili's we went to the mall. I bought two pairs of cargo pants
($54 marked down to $15) and two pairs of fun cargo shorts for a total
of $83, so was happy. I then decided to wander into E.B. (Electronic
Boutique). Bad idea. I was about to leave when I saw Balder Gate II
used for $20. I immediately grabbed it and ran to the register.
Back to Abe and Nelson's for some Mario Smash brothers and 4-player
Tetris. Abe destroyed me at Smash Brothers and I wasn't doing good
at Tetris because of the "new rules."
Back to my room to copy CDs and try and install Balder Gate. Kept
having problems where it would get to the end and freeze the system,
thus wasting half an hour of my time and not installing the game. Got
around it through a trick. The game gave the option to install
everything so you would not have to switch between 4 discs. The game
took 2.4 GB!!!!! Wow, will have to get it off when I am through
playing. Should be as much fun as the first Balder Gate.
Today, do the paper and the Matlab project. Hopefully I won't have to
do anymore work until after graduation then.
C!
My research paper was handed in today. Had I had real research I
would have posted it for people to read. Oh well, at least I have
pretty pictures :). In a few hours I will finish the corrections to
my Emag program and will be done. I have become hated by my friends
since I have no finals during finals week and that I will be done long
before them. I amazed things worked out so perfectly.
RN Journal
RN's last journal was a great read. He explained Grover's algorithm
and a little bit of Quantum
computing (http://www.nd.edu/~arodrig6/journal.shtml). He also had
some wonderful feedback for the CS department on how to improve
things. I liked how he mentioned the fact that all the other
engineering disciplines have such high standards and errors must be
at a minimum... except for CS. RN feels this is an embarressment that
products can make it to the consumer and it not be made working to the
very best of an engineers talents, and he is right. Who would by a
bridge that worked MOST the time? A failed chip in a car could cause
the brakes to not work. Planes fly at 99.99% success rates,
yet if even one crashes the world over is enraged and says they are
dangerous, even though they are much more likely to die in a car. If
only people realized that code must be much better. As RN says, "Its
suppose to save time...so that we can be lazy." Once things were set
the right way, the code being produced would be absolutely outstanding.
What RN wrote sounded very professional. Reading it make me
think about how far RN has come. He mentioned he did not know a lot
about computers before coming to ND and now he is a UNIX guru, and a
computer architecture buff. RN is far from being one dimensional, he
is one of the most colorful people I know. As I have said before, I
don't have to be zany and do stupid things, I just watch my friends
and laugh my a$$ off. I also notice that the foot of RN's journal had
a quote from me today,
"I'm an engineer: I don't use instructions, I make them! (c-dawg)"
Reminiscing
Last night's end of year dorm mass was nice, and there was a blessing
of the seniors at the end. It has not hit me that the end is here
yet. Not a lot of thoughts on it yet. I have began to think about
the whole "magic of ND" thing people have made mention of over time
with the wonderful bonding and the strong community of students.
Can't say I have experienced that to much outside the people who are
my friends. Looking around at mass I am a stranger in my dorm. I
would have sat in a entire row by myself had I not moved and sat next
to a freshman I met a few weeks ago. I see familiar faces (James
Golab, Scott Ford, my RA) but no is like "Hey Chris, why don't you come over
here and sit with us?" The ND community, huh? No, I don't believe
that. I have listened to stories from old Alumns, they came from a
time of magic. The stories of rallies, friends, and trips was quite
moving in the past. The sense of apathy and lonliness that has
sucked our culture away from the bonds among family, friend, and
fellow country men/women has invaded ND too. It still is a great
place though, and is overall more friendly than the norm found in the
US, but not what I expected it should have been. I think it would be
safe to say the people who I have made friends with are people that
when I didn't know them weren't afraid to strike a conversation with
someone they didn't know (Eric, Perk, Joe, George, etc.).
Baldur Gate II
Wow, this game will be a wonderful waste of time :*). I am now in a
town. There are children, people yelling aloud trying to sell their
products, and lots of people to talk too. Games are so much fun these
days, but so complicated. I pulled out the instruction manual and it
was bigger than a novel, maybe in bigger than some textbooks used for
classes :). One thing I like though is that I can use the engineering
intuition to figure things out because
consultant to Abe on the Emag project. I also decided to go way over-
board on the project since everyone else was going overboard when I
asked them not too. Well, a Smith Chart I'm sure shocked them pretty
good. It seems I am quite good at debugging Matlab by now. I could
look at where Abe was stuck and quickly get him unstuck. If only I
was as fluent in C++.
Today did something rather absurd and funny: went to a firing range to
shoot textbooks! No, I do not own a gun, nor do I ever want to and no,
they were not my books. Rink sponsored the event, and along with Perk
and Tom Keely we went to some little town to a Ma and Pa shop. Thing
looked like a crummy bunker. Got to shoot 25 rounds of a 9 mm and
25 rounds of a 44. I shot a target, a sociology book, and circuits
book, and a Tau Beta Pi poster. I will hang the Tau Beta Pi poster up
in my work space at Santa Barbara. This will be for the humor factor
and a reminder that no matter what happens, I do great work and I don't
need silly award or club to tell me this.
Took the car to Sears today to get fixed. I really hope this is the
last repair job I will need to do for a while. Ran some other errands,
another good day. Oh, pulled out the electric car for the first time
in a long time. After some tweaking everything seems to work. Should
be fun to take it for a spin on the large sidewalks tomorrow.
Well, I'm real tired. Will play some more video games and then go to
bed.
C!
Well, its sad that the underclassman left and we didn't even see them
off. Most were buys right up until they had to leave and most the
seniors were busy themselves. Have a good summer guys. Its nice we
have the online journals to keep tabs on each other. Everyone really
should have one.
Sunday
Spent time boxing most my room up. I actually have a large surplus of
boxes. All my stealing has done me well :). That night went to Chicago
with George, Rink, Lisa, RN, Eric, Perk, and Shelece to a comedy club.
The place was called Second City. A troup of six comedians put on many
skits, then did improv. Who could forget Dr. Suess doing the
obituraries, the line "Only in America could this instrument exist,"
Captain Monkey Paw, ATM machines, the New Parents, and of course
the final Mother's day tribute :). Afterwards we went to the Cheese
Cake Factory. The decoration of the place was the neatest I had ever
seen in a restraunt. Split some Chicken poppers and a slice of German
Cheese Cake, mmmmmmm. The trip back was a lot of fun too with many
jokes ("Twice the Fun." :). What a great time.
Monday
Had a horrible night of sleep not being able to breath through my nose.
It wasn't until the moving of furniture a floor below me was too loud
that I got up at 2PM. Off immediately with Pauline to the mall, yup,
more car crap to take care off. Went back to campus for a Balfour
Hesbergh reunion. Balfour Hesbergh is a program for students of color
who are going to be Freshman at ND to come for a month the summer
before and take some moch classes and get a head start on things. I
had done this. I got a free letter opener, which was good, and chewed
the fatvwith Dean Chamblee, Mel Tardy, Pauline, Nelson, Jorge, and Abe.
Oh, also while out with Pauline, she showed me her "ring." Yup, her
and Nelson are engaged. I was like "Woooow." They won't get married
until after he finishes his masters and she finishes ACE. Also,
Pauline's parents are in the dark until Christmas because she thinks it
will be too large a shock to her so no one tell Pauline's parents!
That night watched more Transformers with Eric and then The Last
Crusade at movie night.
Well, today errands, tomorrow Cedar Point, Thursday Chicago, and Firday
my parents come. Time marches on.
C
One more journal to recap the last few days. Will do some reflection
on the year later.
Wednesday
Turned out that the weather at Cedar Point was horrible all day. So,
Abe, Erik, and I went to Chicago to visit the Museum of Science and
Industry. Erik and I got in free with military ID's (I'm a dependent).
Parking was still $7 though ;). The place was a lot of fun. I must say
I am very impressed with the modern farm combine. The museum had a 2000
model John Deer displayed. The thing can harvest more than 30
different crops, comes with radio, CD player, AC, GPS, it
cuts/grinds/seperates/sorts/ + more!
We saw the U-505, the only German U-boat the Allied Forces
ever captured. The Enigma machines were on display (two were on
board). There were over 2 trillion combinations and there were 18 mail
bags of decoding books! A picture showed what the boat looked like once
the Marine team saved it. It was 2/3 submerged with the front sticking
up :). The officers of the sub tried to sink her once the crew got out,
but the marines saved the ship. There were soooooooo many valves, the
quarters were unbelievably cramped, they wore the SAME clothes from
when they put out to sea to the crew came back to port, and they
couldn't even use the bathroom while underwater :).
There were many fun hands on kid-like exhibits. The three of us sent
packets, digitized ourselves, drove a combine, spoke to each other from
across a room while facing the walls, caused a world to rotate backwards
and many more fun things. The "wow" award goes to something in the
image section. They had a display with two sets of discs. The left
discs showed cross-section views of MRI scans of a human head. The
right discs contained THE HEAD SLICED UP! We stared at if for 15
minutes first trying to figure out if it was real and then to figure
out if it was human. Truly amazing and gross at the same time :).
After the museum, we went to Prime Outlets in Michigan City on the spur
of the moment. I bought the world's greatest umbrella for $12. Erik
got flip-flops for his "wet feet" :) plus Khakis, plus movies. Abe got
some movies too.
Thursday
Woke up 4 hours later than I expected too. Did as anyone would do
after doing this and went to go play miniture golf with Abe and Nelson.
When we started I had suggested I play behind the two as I thought I
was horrible with Nelson over confident as usual :). By the end I was
making Par on every hole, and won, beating Abe by a stroke, while the
course worked it's "evil magic" on Nelson and he was about 10 strokes
behind us. Lucky for Nelson I lost the score card. :)
Went back and later that night watched the movies Erik bought the day
before. We watced Bruce Lee in "Chinese Connection." I didn't know
that retailers could sell such low quality of film in a store and it be
legal :). The picture was very grainy, Bruce went from VERY deep
voiced acting lines to little-psycho-chinese-guy voice throughout the
movie, and the bandwith of the filter for the music must not have been
wide enough because the high notes were worse than nails on a chalk
board :). The movie was a lot of fun to watch. It has been a while
since I have seen a man hit in the eye and it cause bleeding, or slimey
business guy get hit in the gut so hard he dies of internal bleeding :).
Afterwards watched some more Transformers. Tape three episodes were
much better. Omega Supreme, a Transformer I had, was actually in an
episode we watched. This rocked.
Friday
Again, woke up late. Spent the day running errands and doing more
packing. The parents and sister, Theresa, got in at nearly 8PM. They
drove 24 hours and ~1350 miles. I took them to Papa Vino's which they
enjoyed very much. Mom and I split a large dish (instead of the
regular)... it could have fed 4 people by itself! It was a good thing
I had barely anything the entire day.Went back and later that night watched the movies Erik bought the day
before. We watced Bruce Lee in "Chinese Connection." I didn't know
that retailers could sell such low quality of film in a store and it be
legal :). The picture was very grainy, Bruce went from VERY deep
voiced acting lines to little-psycho-chinese-guy voice throughout the
movie, and the bandwith of the filter for the music must not have been
wide enough because the high notes were worse than nails on a chalk
board :). The movie was a lot of fun to watch. It has been a while
since I have seen a man hit in the eye and it cause bleeding, or slimey
business guy get hit in the gut so hard he dies of internal bleeding :).
Afterwards watched some more Transformers. Tape three episodes were
much better. Omega Supreme, a Transformer I had, was actually in an
episode we watched. This rocked.
Friday
Again, woke up late. Spent the day running errands and doing more
packing. The parents and sister, Theresa, got in at nearly 8PM. They
drove 24 hours and ~1350 miles. I took them to Papa Vino's which they
enjoyed very much. Mom and I split a large dish (instead of the
regular)... it could have fed 4 people by itself! It was a good thing
I had barely anything the entire day.
Saturday
Parents first wanted to run some errands and see the car. Reactions of
my parents to seeing the car:
*"This is filthy!"
*"Why didn't you do (insert anything here) before we came?"
*(As a moth flies out of the just opened hood), "When's the last time
you looked under here?" :)
All very amusing. My Mom helped me go through my clothes to find out
what I could wear for the mass and commencment. Turns out I really do
have almost nothing for dress clothes. Luckly my lack of eating the
last two months allowed me to loose just enough weight to slip back
into the pants that actually go with my suit. My mom ironed my clothes,
as well as the clothes of this guy in front of her using the iron
because she thought he didn't know what he was doing. :) My Mom is
real nice, don't take that negatively, she wanted to help the guy and
get him on his way quicker. My sister was sick, my Dad was yelling at
me for things I had not done, and Mom was lost around campus. It was
just like old times :).
We went to the Commencement Mass. It was truly awesome. There were
50 priests, 4 bishops, and the Monk ran the show himself. There were
two choirs and a full orchestra. A very nice mass.
Afterwards went back to find my sister. The poor thing had left at the
beginning of the mass for not feeling well and threw up on the walk
back. A guy from my dorm picked her up with a golf cart and took her
back. We hurried to the buffet to JUST get food before they took
everything away. My parents were not impressed at all, especially for
the $25+ a plate it cost. New Seniors: SAVE YOUR MONEY AND DO YOUR
FAMILY A SERVICE, eat out instead of buying any of the meal tickets.
On the way over to dinner got my graduation presents. My sister got me
a Mary's Moo Moo (like Precious Moments) with a cow in graduation
attire holding a parchement saying "Holy Cow, You Graduated!" :). My
parents got me a nice, heavy, all metal link dress watch AND a cellular
phone!! Turns out the plans are not good enough that one could switch
over from a house phone to a cell phone exclusively but it is
definitely very nice to have!
Right after dinner we found my grandparents (Dad's side) just pulling
in. My parents stayed in Keough and my grandparents in O'Neill, by
me. This is their 3rd graduation and they will leave after graduation
to go to a wedding. A lot to do in a month for them.
Graduation
Up at 7, pictures in front of the dorm with the different family
members at 8, EE reception at 9. The EE reception was nice and short,
just the way an engineer likes it :). I liked Perk's reflection a lot
about looking forward. We have a lot of potential but more so than
anyone else because of our major. We make things happen and we make
what is important technologically today happen. Received the
engineering ring, which I think I will try and keep on as a reminder,
and was recognized "Cum Laude" instead of "Magna Cum Laude." Oh yeah,
made another 4.0 this semester and it pushed me up to the next honors.
The slide show was great.
Afterwards talked to families, friends, and took more pictures. The
family treked to North Dinning Hall. It was then I realized that I
walk three times faster than my parents and five times faster than my
grandparents. Grandma has hip problems and all the walking throughout
the day must have been real hard for her.
Buffet was what I'd expect from the NDH. I hurried them all to the
Cathedral. They then realized why I wanted them to see it so bad.
All you can do in that place is just look up with your jaw dropped
down and say "Woooooow." It was time to head over for commencement.
I got the grandparents and my sister situated in 101 DeBart to watch
the televised broadcast. I then left everyone and went to the student
entrance of the JACC. Found Abe and Nelson and got in some pics. Then
found George, Brian, Anne, and Rink and waited in the incredibly big
crowd of students trying to get in past the metal detectors. Went
inside, got my diploma, told my dean I would need another since my
honors changed, and lined up talking to people and getting in more
pictures.
We commenced in and actually the whole thing started right
on time. After ALL the facualty proccessed in, then the important
people, it was time... Hail to the Chief played and the president with
Monk Malloy entered. Talk about coooooool!!!!!! The president there
on stage to talk at my graduation! I really did feel my spirit lift.
The validictorian speech I was unpleased with. She basically said
thanks for everything in this world, even down to for the flowers and
plants. She made a comment about pro-life which caused the president
to blush and some clapping which I thought was very inappropriate. The
President is our very honored guest and she brings up politics against
him during our graduation? That made me mad. Russ, fellow EE and a
valedictorian canidate, should have spoke.
Then the President spoke. It was a little long but good. He used the
lead in everyone else had created about "changing the world by helping
our neighbor" be it through all the service the class was doing or just
in the course of our lives, etc. to talk about some new programs he had
already started and others that would soon start to help restore that
value of helping thy neighbor. Tax cuts for Americans who donate,
anti-discrimination laws for non-profit companies and initiatives that
try to lobby for money from the government, industry matching of
donations, and more money to organizations such as drug rehab and
Habitat for Humanity. I was not expecting this political announcement
but it was nice speech anyway.
Immediately after the President, Perk, RN, Lisa, and Coop left
graduation... never to return. Oh well... guess they wanted to be
different as usual... or it just wasn't important enough to sit
through... unlike the Data Networks test there is no make up ;).
All the PhD's came up with their advisors to be recognized. We
cheered Matt on, our Mechanics PROF. :). There was honorary degree
awards for lots of people including the President, a very venerable
arch-bishop, the man who created CDMA (communication scheme currently
used in cell phones), and an Astro-Physics guy who "helped to define
the view of our universe." Wow!
We stood up by college and were graduated. Went outside to a sea of
people. Could not find people I was suppose to meet by the ATM.
Instead took pictures with Rink, then went to meet and have pictures
taken with Pauline, Abe, and Nelson with my family's camera.
Went back to the dorm, got the grandparents, freshened up, and went out
to eat at Mandarin House. I was very "forunate" as I got THREE
FORTUNES IN MY COOKIE! Everyone else got one. They were appropriate
too:
1. You have a reputation for being straightforward and honest.
2. Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
3. You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements.